Home for the holidays
by Kayxxx
Summary: Cal had been away for six months now, living with his newly discovered birth family. He decides to surprise Ethan by coming home for the holidays but his visit brings many more surprises along the way, including one huge one that Ethan just can't seem to get his head around...I hope you enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone! Here is the first chapter of a story I've had planned for a while now, I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts on it and where you think it will go, I always enjoy hearing your thoughts! Happy reading, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter one

Cal had been away for six months now. After some intense research he found his birth family, there was one thing about them though, they weren't exactly a bus ride away...they lived in Australia. After a few months of communication with them and planning, he decided to fly over there to meet them which Ethan was fine about knowing Cal meeting his birth family would make him find himself again so to speak, it was only when Ethan got a phone call from Australia saying Cal wasn't going to use his return ticket did reality hit in...He was losing his brother to the other side of the world. Now of course Ethan being Ethan thought it only right to be happy for his brother, so during Skype or phone calls he would act how he usually would, it was only when the Skype and phone calls stopped in the fourth month of him being away did he realise he'd lost his brother to the other side of the world. All he could do was hope he was happy, because in reality Cal wasn't really his brother as they had discovered almost a year ago, though Ethan found it evidently harder than Cal to move on with life however after two months of having no contact that task was getting slightly easier.

Cal strolled through the ED doors bombarded with many bags though he didn't seem to be struggling, "Cal when did you get back?!" Robyn called in shock as she spotted him, she ran straight over to hug him causing him to drop his bags.

"About twenty minutes ago, came straight from the airport to here" he explained with a smile as she helped him pick up his bags and head for reception, "is Ethan in today?" He asked.

"Yeah he's-" she was cut off.

"Caleb?" Ethan's voice called from behind him.

"Surprise" Cal replied awkwardly as he turned to look at the shocked expression on the younger man's face.

"What...what are you doing here?" Ethan asked confused; he looked as though he'd just seen a ghost.

"I thought I'd spend Christmas with you" Cal replied with a smile, "If that's okay obviously" he added awkwardly.

"Of course it is!" Ethan spat out; the wondrous smile on his face gleaming, the two months of lost contact completely disappeared; Ethan had his brother back even if it was just for Christmas.

"Yeah spending Christmas over there in the 30 degree heat is not exactly Christmassy, our summer is your winter so we spend Christmas Day having a huge barbecue on the beach with everyone in the neighbourhood, I'd miss my huge turkey dinner spread" he explained with a chuckle.

"It's nice to see you back Cal" Zoe smiled from behind reception.

"It is" Ethan agreed.

There was an awkward silence that fell over the pair once more as they both got lost within their own thoughts of how to go about this reunion after six months of separation.

"Oh come here Nibbles" Cal spat out as he pulled Ethan in for a hug.

"Ah Christmas is going to be great Cal, I was actually planning on working this year but I'd rather spend it just the two of us, it'll be nice, just like the old times" Ethan smiled excitedly as he began planning in his head.

Cal looked at him awkwardly, "Ah well actually..." He was cut off.

"Caleb if it carries on snowing we deffo have to build a snowman!" A voice with a thick Australian accent called from the ED doors.

All eyes turned towards the doors, "There will barely be two inches let alone enough to build a snowman, this isn't the North Pole" Cal laughed back; he was the only one who didn't turn towards the door; he knew exactly who it was.

Ethan's smile quickly dropped when he realised Cal wasn't alone on this trip back home, he looked through the crowds of people flooding in and out of the ED doors in wait of the owner of this voice to appear.

"Well it bloody feels like it, I'm freezing!" A young boy replied as he appeared out of the crowd, he was covered head to toe in layers, he had old worn out doctor marten boots on his feet, black jeans, a thick green jumper, a black bobble hat on his head leaving some of his bleach blonde hair poking through the front and to top it all off a huge green Parker pulled on over everything, "Wow your hospital is way bigger than ours!" He spoke amazed as he spun around slowly to scan the entirety of reception.

Cal sprung into action when he noticed him about to walk straight into Connie Beauchamp, "Lockie watch where you're going-" Cal was cut short when the boy ran straight into her causing her to lose balance in her heels for a slight moment before she stood up straight with a snarl.

"Oh sorry" the boy replied awkwardly as Cal pushed him toward reception and stayed to apologise.

"Sorry Connie, he has a habit of walking backwards" he shot a snarl toward the boy.

She looked at him as if she'd just seen a ghost, as Ethan did earlier.

"Home for the holidays" he explained with a smile.

She turned and head off down the hall, Cal watched her leave and then turned to the boy, "you're such a liability I swear" he shook his head at him.

"I'm sorry I'm just excited" the boy replied as he scanned reception, his scanning came to a halt when he noticed Lily, "wow" he spoke out in amazement she looked up at him with a snarl.

"What are _you_ looking at?" She muttered looking up from her notes.

"Something extremely beautiful" the boy replied.

"I think I'm a bit too old for you" she muttered.

"Age is just a number my dear" he replied, his Australian accent stronger than ever.

"You disgust me" Lily scoffed and started off down the corridor.

"I'm not too sure of the lingo around here but I'm guessing that means I'm in with a shot eh?" He called after her with a grin causing everyone to chuckle, except Ethan who stayed frozen; he kept his head down in his notes though he was overly aware of Cal's travel buddy.

"Wrong woman to choose, _believe me_ " Cal laughed.

"Ah, I'll win her over I'm sure" the boy replied confidently, "I've learnt from the best" he added giving Cal a nudge.

"Take your hat off indoors" Cal ordered him.

"What? Why?" He sulked in reply.

"Because it's manors that's why" Cal replied.

"Oh yeah, I've been learning the British poshness and politeness" he smiled to everyone before clearing his throat, "Please and thank you" he spoke mimicking Cal's accent, everyone laughed along.

"You sound like Oliver Twist" Max chuckled.

"Nah, he's the orphan" the boy teased referring to the fact he was adopted as he nudged Cal who pulled off his hat and held it up above his head so the boy couldn't reach, even if he jumped his highest.

"Give it back Caleb I'm freezing in this weather!" He shouted as he tried to grab it.

"You're the one who moaned to come!" Cal replied with a smirk.

"Give it back!" The boy laughed as they started play fighting, everyone watched on with smiles on their faces, Cal put the hat in his back pocket.

He looked up at Ethan who watched on confused which then reminded him that no one knew who the boy was.

"Oh, everyone, this is Lachlan my youngest brother" Cal finally introduced the boy.

Of all the things Cal could have come out with, he never thought it would be that. All his life he had heard the words "this is Ethan, my younger brother" come from Cal's mouth. It felt so heart shatteringly wrong to hear another name in that sentence. He just buried his head back into his notes, though really he felt like running and hiding away in the staff room for the rest of eternity.

"Oh my God I thought he was the image of you" Robyn spat out amazed as she watched the pair.

"Aw he's so cute" Louise smiled as she pinched his cheeks causing Lachlan to blush.

"How old are you mate?" Max asked.

"Ten" Lachlan replied.

"Ah not old enough to go out to town with us yet then" Max sighed, "I'm sure we can sneak you in somehow" he winked causing the boy's face to light up.

"That won't be happening" Cal butted in protectively.

"Anyway I'm surprised you've come with your brother and not a new love interest, don't tell me our dashing doctor knight is still single after six months in a new country?" Robyn asked with a smirk.

"He's not a Knight anymore, he's a Wolfe" Lachlan informed them. Ethan had never felt so small.

Cal rolled his eyes and ignored his little brother, "Well obviously there was the odd girl here and there but I had more important things, I have priorities" he spoke flashing a slight smile at Lachlan.

"I thought your priorities were girls?" Lofty asked confused.

"Not anymore" Cal replied.

"What about you kiddo? Have you lived in Australia all your life?" Max asked.

"Yep" Lachlan replied.

"Aren't they meant to have golden tanned skin because it's constantly sunny? You're paler than me!" Max laughed confused.

Cal and Lachlan exchanged awkward glances, "yeah I'm the palest in my family" Lockie replied.

"But-" Cal cut Max off,

"Anyway..." He began as he looked towards Ethan who still had his head buried into his notes, "Lachlan there's someone I want you to meet" he smiled as he pushed the boy in front of Ethan who looked up awkwardly and pushed up his glasses.

Lockie's face lit up as realisation overpowered him, "Oh my god you're Ethan Caleb's adopted brother!" he grinned.

Ethan was taken aback completely, the use of the word "adopted" hitting home.

"I'm Lachlan but you can call me Lockie, it's such an honour to meet you, I've heard so many stories" Lachlan spat out as he threw his arms around the doctor for a hug.

"Oh..." Ethan announced in shock and stood frozen as the small boy held him.

"Lockie what did I tell you?" Cal sighed.

He pulled away from Ethan having heard his brother's voice, "Oh sorry you don't like hugs do you Nibbles?" he teased.

Ethan's face reddened instantly, "Did you just call me Nibbles?" he asked.

Lachlan nodded "Yeah Cal told me the story about-"

Ethan cut him off "yeah okay I know it well..." he huffed giving Cal daggers.

"Why don't we all build a snowman together if it snows enough?" Lachlan suggested.

"Um..." Ethan mumbled awkwardly.

"He's never seen snow before he's a bit excited" Cal explained as he ruffled his little brother's hair.

Cal's phone began to ring, "is that mum?!" Lachlan asked in excitement.

"Yes" Cal laughed as he pulled it out.

"Give it here!" Lachlan shouted as he snatched the phone from his brother's hands and hurried off back to the car park, "mum guess what! It's snowing!" He called down the phone as he left.

Cal watched him leave with a grin on his face before he turned back to Ethan, "so...your little brother" Ethan spoke awkwardly as he looked down at his notes.

"Yeah he's mental" Cal laughed "but really he's just a big kid I can guarantee he'll call home crying tonight because he's missing mum" he added quietly.

"Oh well it's a good job he's got you then" Ethan replied, his interest seeming unconvincing as his statement was actually sarcasm more than anything.

"How about you take your break now and you two can get to know each other more? We could go to the café or something?" Cal suggested enthusiastically.

"Caleb mum wants to talk to you!" Lachlan called from the doorway.

"One minute" Cal replied still looking towards Ethan.

"No" Ethan replied easily, Cal looked at him confused, "I mean, no I'm busy, I was thinking of working through my breaks and lunch today" he replied.

"I can take over what you're doing if you like Ethan, give you you too time to get up to date-" Ethan cut Zoe off.

"No" he spat out suddenly shocking everyone, "There's no need honestly" he added forcing out a smile.

"Okay well then we'll wait here until your shift is up and we can do something then" Cal proposed.

"I'm busy" Ethan replied quickly, "I'll call you" he told him.

"Ethan what's gotten into you-" Lachlan cut him off there.

"Caleb come on, do you have any idea how much it costs to call from Australia hurry up!" He urged impatiently still with Cal's phone pressed to his ear.

Cal turned to look at him, "Okay I'll be there now one sec" he called back, he turned back to face Ethan but he had already gone, disappearing back off to work.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello everyone! Thanks for the reviews on my first chapter, it was great to see what you all think, hope you enjoy this one, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter two

Ethan had decided to throw himself into work and could only hope Cal and his brother had left but for some reason he couldn't imagine that happening, Cal seemed determined to spend time with him but right now Ethan couldn't think of anything worse. He couldn't quite put his finger on why he felt this way but one thing he did know was the second Lachlan Wolfe popped into his mind his blood boiled, how could a ten year old have this affect on him?

He was now in a cubicle with a patient getting lost in his work which was something he loved doing, "Okay, you will feel a sharp scratch but it shouldn't cause you too much discomfort, if it does just let me know and I can try something else" he smiled to his patient and brought the needle of the intravenous drip to her arm. Suddenly the curtain was pulled back and someone sneaked up on Ethan from behind, startling him causing him to jump just as he was about to make contact with his patient's skin. He turned to find Lachlan stood chuckling at himself.

"Lachlan why did you do that?! You idiot I nearly stabbed my patient because of you now get out of here, you shouldn't be wondering around the hospital, in fact you shouldn't be here at all, don't you and Cal have a hotel room or something to go back to?!" Ethan roared, his blood was now boiling more than ever.

"I'm sorry..." Lachlan mumbled startled by Ethan's reaction, "It was meant to be a joke" he added shamefully.

Ethan shook his head "Just stay out of my way" he warned and pulled the curtain shut.

"I am so sorry about that, did I get you?" He asked as he turned to face his patient once more, examining her arm.

"No you didn't don't worry about it" his patient smiled, "Younger siblings eh?" She added with an understanding smile.

"Oh no no, Lachlan is _not_ my little brother" Ethan replied sternly, he couldn't think of anything worse.

"Only child?" she asked.

Ethan paused momentarily to think "...yes I suppose I am" he replied as the curtain was pulled open once more.

"Ethan, a word?" Cal's voice called.

"No, you'll have to wait." Ethan replied firmly not taking his eyes off his patient.

"No go one, its fine" she smiled.

Ethan sighed deeply and stepped outside the cubicle to talk to Cal, "What?" he huffed.

"'What'? You really have to ask 'what'?" Cal asked amazed, Ethan just shrugged in reply, "Why did you shout at Lockie like that Ethan, I heard you from the staff room!" Cal spat out defensively towering over the smaller man.

"Why did I shout?! Cal I nearly took off my patients arm with a needle that's why!" Ethan shouted back in his defence.

"He's only a kid Ethan there's no need to shout at him like that; he just wants you to like him" Cal replied more calmly.

"What and he thinks sneaking up behind me and putting my job on the line is the way to do that does he?" Ethan asked sarcastically. He waited for Cal's reply but none came, "Goodbye Caleb" he shook his head at him and turned to head back to his cubicle.

"No wait Ethan!" Cal stopped him, Ethan turned to face him with yet another sigh, "what's gotten into you? You're like a completely different person" Cal stated confused.

"He's jealous because you've replaced him" Robyn joked from the nursing station.

"No I'm not!" Ethan snapped, "Look this is ridiculous! I need to get back to my job, why don't you go play happy families with Lockie in your hotel room or something?" Ethan proposed. He then noticed a look on Cal's face that he knew all too well, "...you have got a hotel room, haven't you Caleb?" he asked warily, Cal shook his head slowly, "You've got to be kidding me?!" Ethan spat out.

"What's the big deal? You were fine with just me staying?" Cal shrugged.

"You show up out of nowhere from half way across the world to visit your pushover of an adopted brother with your new little brother, having not spoken to me in two months and expect me to take you in just like that?!" he shouted, "Well maybe I'm sick of being the pushover" he huffed.

"What's up with you? I don't remember my little brother being so angry" Cal teased lightly.

"Adoptive" Ethan reminded him with a roll of his eyes.

"Look if you don't want us staying at yours that's fine I'll sort something out, but just know this...Lockie looks up to you Ethan, I've told him so many stories he's been dying to meet you for months, my whole family have been. When I told him I booked my ticket to come back here he begged me to bring him along with me because he wants to meet you, the person his big brother constantly rambles on about, you haven't made such a good first impression yet and to be honest I'm starting to regret talking you up so much, the Ethan I knew wouldn't think twice about having us stay for the holidays" Cal admitted.

"So why did we lose contact Cal? If I'm this 'great person' you tell your family stories about then why could you not spare a few minutes to give me a call or write me an email or something? Surely I can't mean that much to you" Ethan replied.

"I've been busy" Cal replied to which Ethan scoffed at, "No Ethan, not just with work but other things...oh if you knew you'd understand" he told him.

"Tell me then and I will understand" Ethan shrugged.

"It's a long story that you'll find out about soon enough but just know Ethan there wasn't one day that has ever gone by that I didn't think about you" He told him determinately.

Ethan nodded slowly, "I'll see you after my shift okay?" he proposed, Cal too nodded and turned to leave, "oh and Caleb!" Ethan called, "don't worry about the hotel room" he told him.

After a rather edgy beginning of his day Ethan finally found the time to have a break, he decided to go to the shop; he figured a warm drink would do him some good.

As he got in the queue he noticed Lachlan was stood before him, he hadn't seen him since he shouted at him, "Hey Lockie" Ethan smiled at him but the boy looked away, almost as if he were scared to make eye contact with him.

"What's that you're getting?" Ethan tried making conversation with him again, "chocolate?" he asked having seen the bar that he held in his hands, "how about I get that for you?" he proposed.

"No!" Lachlan snapped, "Sorry, I've just been excited to use English money for so long" he explained.

"I understand" Ethan smiled at him.

"That'll be seventy pence" the cashier told him.

"Okay hang on..." Lachlan replied as he started counting the loose change he pulled out from his pocket, "what pence is like cents right?" He asked Ethan who nodded, "so one pound would do right?" he asked looking up at him.

"Yep" Ethan smiled.

"Here you go one English pound" Lachlan grinned and handed the lady the money.

"Aren't you cute? Thirty pence change" she smiled and handed him his change.

"Cheers" he grinned.

"Just a tea please" Ethan smiled at the lady as Lachlan turned to leave, "Lachlan wait!" he called as he grabbed his tea and followed him out of the shop, "I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't mean to shout. I don't think I've made the better of first impressions on you" he apologised to the boy.

Lachlan looked up at him and began "I didn't realise you had a needle, _I am_ sorry, I don't want you to hate me-" Ethan cut him off.

"Don't be ridiculous, look, it's forgotten about okay?" Ethan suggested with a smile and held out his hand for the boy to shake.

"Okay" Lachlan grinned and shook it, "Isn't this the shop your ex stripper girlfriend Honey used to work in?" Lachlan asked oblivious.

"I have to get back to work now" Ethan spoke through gritted teeth and left. There didn't seem to be one thing Lachlan didn't know about him which in a way was quite worrying seen as though this boy was nothing more than a stranger to him. He also realised Lachlan wasn't going to go away anytime soon no matter how much Ethan secretly hoped this would happen, he (unfortunately for Ethan) was here to stay, for the holidays at least, though the thought of working through the holidays had never seemed so pleasing.

Lachlan was going to take _a lot_ of getting used to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello everyone! HAPPY CASUALTY DAY! I'm so excited for tonight's ep, Cal and his birthmother stuff looks exciting I feel like I've waited an eternity for it all to play out since the spoilers were released, I'm sure it will be worth the wait Casualty very rarely disappoints. Anyways here is the next chapter, I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter three

Ethan had in mind to work straight through his lunch to avoid seeing Cal with his new brother, but then he figured he was going to have to spend Christmas with them and he couldn't avoid them for the entire time...right? No. He would be the bigger person, as Ethan always was. He took a deep breath and walked into the staffroom with his rather festive choice of sandwich; turkey with cranberry sauce and stuffing on white bread, to find Lachlan slumped down on the couch asleep whilst Cal sat at the table with his head in his hands.

"What's knocked it out of him?" Ethan asked as he grabbed a cup from the cupboard for some coffee, when Cal didn't reply he realised he was asleep too, "Cal?" he called waking him.

"What?" Cal called surprised.

"Coffee?" Ethan asked.

"Please" Cal yawned in reply, Ethan looked at him warily and handed him the coffee he'd just made, "Jetlag" Cal told him.

"Ah right, how far ahead are you again?" Ethan asked.

"About ten hours" Cal replied as he took a sip of hiss coffee, "I'm trying to stay awake until tonight to get back into this time zone, but God it's hard, this is like my third coffee in two hours" He explained.

"What about mini-you over there?" Ethan gestured over to Lachlan as he sat down at the counter opposite Cal.

"I'll leave him asleep for now I don't want him getting too tired" Cal replied as he watched his younger brother sleep, "he reminds me of you, you know" he smiled, still looking at Lachlan.

"What?" Ethan asked almost chocking on his turkey sandwich.

"Lockie...he's clumsy and smart and competitive and funny and annoying and small" Cal smirked

"And small" Ethan echoed Cal's words and rolled his eyes.

"Just like you" Cal nodded.

"Personally I don't see any shared traits" Ethan replied as he sipped at his coffee.

"Yeah well you've barely spoken to him all day that's why. You've been too busy acting like spoilt kid to give any attention to a ten year old who looks up to you, I don't know why you're acting like this Ethan but just grow up yeah?" he snapped.

Ethan didn't know how to reply, he just continued to eat his lunch. An awkward silence fell over them until Max, Lofty and Robyn entered.

"Hey Skippy!" Max called as he walked in waking Lachlan, "I've got bad news and good news for you" he told him as he sat down beside him on the couch.

"What do you mean?" Lachlan asked as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"There's no snow anymore, it's more slushy dirt...but! It's reported to snow on Christmas Eve, now you couldn't get any more Christmassy than that if you tried right?" He smiled as he ruffled the boy's hair.

"Cal, Ethan we need to build a snowman!" Lachlan called excitedly; Ethan rolled his eyes and turned back to his lunch.

"Forget building a snowman, this calls for a massive snowball fight, what do you reckon?" Max proposed.

"As long as no one gets hurt" Cal laughed.

"Right kiddo you're on my team alright? Don't worry I'm a pro" Max winked.

"Ethan you can be on our team too!" Lachlan called over to him.

"Great" Ethan replied unenthusiastically.

"Why don't you two have a game of chess?" Cal suggested pointing toward it and giving Lachlan _a look_ and then giving Ethan daggers.

 _"_ What's chess?" Lachlan replied.

"Okay, let's play" Ethan smiled smugly, this game evidently wasn't going to last very long with him being a chess champ and his ten year old opponent knowing nothing of the game.

"Take it easy on me though Nibbles, I'm new to this" Lachlan told him as they sat either side of the table with the chess set on.

"Oh don't worry, I will" Ethan replied with a hint of sarcasm.

"So...what do I do?" Lachlan asked as he watched Ethan set up the board.

"Okay, so both of us have a king, yours is white, mine is black and it looks like this..." Ethan held up his king piece, Cal watched him knowingly knowing full well how much Ethan loved playing chess, no matter who is opponent was. His brothers were finally bonding.

"Okay so I have to catch your king before you catch mine?" Lachlan asked as Ethan continued to explain the game.

"Precisely" Ethan smiled.

"Hey Cal look, here's a knight like you!" Lachlan laughed as he held up the knight piece, Cal laughed along.

"Have you played before?" Ethan asked.

"Um...once I think, but I was really _really_ bad" Lachlan replied as he smirked over at Cal.

"Okay let's start" Ethan grinned as he made the first move.

A handful of moves later Lachlan muttered the words "Checkmate" smugly catching Ethan off guard, everyone gathered around to get a look.

"Wait, what?" Ethan spat out and looked down to examine the chess board, "No, there must be some...mistake" he mumbled as he re-evaluated each move.

"Nope" Lachlan grinned, "checkmate" he repeated once more waving Ethan's king in front of him.

Realisation grew over him suddenly, "...you have played this before haven't you?" Ethan asked.

"I've won tournaments" Lachlan smirked.

"Mate you've just been fooled by a ten year old!" Max found this hysterical.

"Foolsmate" Ethan stated before a smirk grew on his face too, "well, you definitely had me fooled" he laughed.

"Sorry Ethan, Cal set me up to it" Lachlan explained.

Ethan shot a glance over at Cal who chuckled to himself, "I've never beat him, I figured the two best chess players I know should meet" Cal told him.

"Right. I demand a rematch, and this time I won't be taking it easy on you" Ethan teased.

"Oh don't worry, I'll win anyway" Lachlan continued the teasing.

"It's the one way to bond with Ethan without talking medical or foreign movies" Cal laughed with Max.

An hour and a half had passed and the game was still in play, everyone was gathered around the two watching eagerly their every move, Lily and Louise had joined the gathering now too. Both Ethan and Lachlan were determined to win.

"Is this what my staff consider being a hard day at work?!" Connie's stern voice echoed around the staffroom startling everyone, they all turned to encounter her lecture as she stood in the doorway, "One porter, Two doctors, Three nurses with Four hours left and-" Lachlan cut her off.

"Five golden rings!" he sang in the tune of the twelve days of Christmas causing everyone to laugh hysterically, including Ethan, Lachlan high-fived Max and even caused a slight grin to grow across Connie's face too.

"Oh come on Connie lighten up, we've flew half way across the world to be here, plus it's Christmas" Cal reasoned.

"That aside people are still in need of our care and we're not doing much of it huddled up in here" she replied being surprisingly understanding, "Luckily we're not too busy so Doctor Hardy you can go home, everyone else back to work" she ordered and left. Everyone sighed and reluctantly left to return to work whilst Ethan left to change out of his scrubs...with the thought that maybe, just maybe, Lachlan wasn't as bad as he first thought, how long this mind set would remain was another question entirely.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello everyone! Here is the next chapter I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter four

"Ethan, what's your favourite Disney movie?" Lachlan asked from the back of the car.

"I'm not really a Disney fan" Ethan replied keeping his eyes on the road.

"Cal said your favourite is Frozen" Lachlan told him.

"It's the only recent one I've seen I think" Ethan admitted.

"Didn't you see it with Honey?" Lachlan asked.

"That's right" Ethan replied again baffled by how much this child knew about him.

"Have you ever seen Peter Pan?" Lachlan asked.

"Ah yes I think I have, what a load rubbish, a boy who never wants to grow up who can fly and lives with a fairy and a load of little boys who spent the entirety of their time fighting a pirate with a hook for a hand who is scared of a crocodile that tics. I don't know what the writer was on when he came up with that but I can imagine these days we'd end up treating him in the ED" Ethan joked to Cal who didn't seem amused, "the true story behind it though is rather disturbing" he stated, Cal gave him daggers as he parked the car outside his flat.

"What do you mean?" Lachlan asked as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

"Well Peter Pan is actually the Angel of death-" Cal cut him off.

"Yeah well Lockie is talking about the Disney movie not the true story." Cal snapped.

"The Angel of what?" Lachlan asked confused.

"The Angel of-" Cal cut Ethan off again.

"Nothing Lockie" He said as they made their way up stairs with their bags.

"Peter Pan is my favourite, he's awesome" Lockie grinned.

"Is it true that you slept with your comfort blanket until you were thirteen?" Lachlan asked with a smirk.

"Is there a thing Cal hasn't told you about me?" Ethan huffed as he put the key in the door.

"Nope, Cal's the best big brother ever" Lockie replied as he high fived Cal.

"And you're the best little bro" he replied as he ruffled Lachlan's blonde hair.

Ethan's blood boiled instantly, it was as though they had set out on their travels to purposely make Ethan seem so small that they could trample all over him.

Ethan walked in first and switched the light on, Cal followed closely behind and placed the bags on the floor but that was the furthest he got before he completely froze on the spot, "Ah I it's good to be...back" his voice trailed off slightly as he scanned the room.

"Why is your living room pink?" Lockie asked confused.

Realisation grew over Ethan instantly, he'd began to become blind to the feminine colour on his living room walls "Ah I um, haven't got round to decorating after-" Cal cut him off suddenly.

"It's fine" He told him.

"If you gave me some warning of your visit I would've painted" Ethan explained.

"It's fine, really" Cal replied unenthusiastically.

"You never answered my question Nibbles, why is your living room pink?" Lockie pushed.

Ethan looked towards Cal for him to explain but he shook his head at him, meaning he didn't want Lockie to know about Matilda and cause Ethan to think on the spot, "Well, um, that's because, um..." he struggled to find an answer.

"Honey's favourite colour was pink" Cal butted in.

"Ah so she lived with you?" Lachlan asked.

Ethan looked at Cal confused, "No she-" Cal cut him off.

"Yes, yes she did" Cal pushed.

Ethan was as confused as ever, "Right I'll go and get your bedroom ready" he said changing the subject.

"I've never been so tired in my life" Lockie yawned, "we've been awake a full day, do you reckon that's a world record?" He asked.

"Here" Ethan tossed him is phone; "sit on the couch and Google it whilst I sort out your room" he suggested.

"Cheers" Lockie smiled as he took a seat on the couch.

"Cal do you fancy giving me a hand?" Ethan asked giving Cal daggers; this would be the perfect opportunity to have a conversation with Cal about Matilda alone.

"Actually, I'm just going to run down the shop" Cal stated.

"What? Why?" Ethan snapped.

"I don't think we packed our toothbrushes" Cal explained.

"Yeah we did! Mum bought us new ones remember?" Lockie called over from the couch.

"I can't remember packing them" Cal shrugged.

"I packed them that's why! And before you ask I definitely did!" Lockie told him.

"I'll go get some just in case" Cal decided as he edged back towards the door.

"Cal I've got spares in the cupboard in the bathroom you can have, there's no point in going out now you need your sleep" Ethan replied.

"Look I'm going out!" Cal snapped and stormed out of the flat slamming the door shut behind him.

"What's wrong with him?" Lachlan asked not taking his eyes off Ethan's phone.

"I have no idea, anyway, did you find out what the world record is?" Ethan asked changing the subject.

"No I'm playing minecraft on your phone instead it's like my favourite game ever!" the boy replied, sticking his tongue out in concentration.

"Try and get me past that level whilst you're at it" Ethan joked and hurried out the door after Cal, "Cal!" he shouted after him.

"What?" Cal shouted back.

"Have you seriously not mentioned Matilda? You've lived with them six months!" Ethan stated as he caught up to him.

Cal held his head down, "I didn't know how" he admitted.

"What but you managed to tell them everything about me? What _have_ you told them about you?" Ethan asked concerned.

Cal shook his head at him and turned to walk away, disappearing down the stairs he'd not long come up.

"Caleb!" Ethan shouted after him and then walked back to his door with a sigh of disappointment.

"Where's he gone?" Lachlan asked.

"Probably gone to get drunk somewhere" Ethan scoffed.

"Don't be ridiculous Nibbles, Caleb doesn't drink" Lachlan laughed at the thought.

Ethan looked at the boy confused, _"Cal? Not drinking? Why Cal has been drinking since he was about your age"_ he thought to himself but he kept his mouth shout there was obviously a reason why Cal had told them he doesn't drink and remained sober for six months...It didn't sound like the brother he knew, though he didn't have a brother anymore so maybe he didn't know him as well as he figured. He shrugged it off and went to fix the spare bedroom for the two to stay in for the holiday knowing how little time it would take if Cal would have just informed him of the visit in advance.

A good half an hour later, bedding changed, the place dusted and ready for guests Ethan walked back into the living room, "Right everything's sorted-" he was cut off when he noticed Lachlan slumped down on the couch flat out, "...Lockie?" he called but this only caused the boy to mumble something in his sleep and bury himself more into the couch, "Great" Ethan sighed and took his phone from his gentle grasp, "level 25? Maybe he's not as annoying as I thought" Ethan joked to himself before walking into the kitchen and opening up a new text to Cal.

 _"Cal, where are you? The last time I checked the shop was a two minute walk to the bottom of the road...I'm not here to be a babysitter for Lachlan during your stay, please bare that in mind. Ethan."_

Just as he hit send he head a phone beep from the table "Oh, great." Ethan muttered as he found Cal's phone. It was evident he hadn't gone to get new toothbrushes; perhaps his texts could point him in some direction. Straight away he found out off Max,

 _"_ _Come round to ours for a few drinks and a catch up – Max"_

To which Cal replied to the text with: _"I'll be there"_

"Well, Cal's definitely back" He huffed and looked over at sleeping Lockie. He actually felt slightly sorry for him, he grabbed a blanket he had just laid out in the spare room and gently placed it over the boy on the couch.

Ethan decided to make himself some dinner, which he sat at the table and ate whilst Lachlan slept. A good hour later he put on some music as he started the washing up, he'd actually completely forgotten about the sleeping ten year old on his couch as he turned up the volume of the song "please come home for Christmas" by Charles Brown and joined in singing as he dried the plates.

It was only when he heard a voice shout "Cal!" did he realise he wasn't alone, however hearing this startled him half to death and he dropped the plate he was currently drying causing it to shatter beneath his feet.

"Lachlan?" He called as he hurried to the living room, "Did I wake you?" he asked.

"Where's your bathroom?" Lachlan asked frantically.

"Through there to the left" Ethan pointed, "what's wrong?" He called after him followed by the sound of Lachlan heaving into the toilet.

"Knock knock..." Ethan said as he entered the bathroom to find Lockie kneeled down before the toilet, "everything okay?" he asked as Lachlan vomited again into the toilet bowl "...perhaps it's the jet lag? I've known cases like this before, some people feel it more physically than others, I'm sure you'll be fine. I'll go and get you a glass of water" Ethan explained reassuringly.

"The doctors said I was getting better" Lachlan cried.

"What doctors?" Ethan asked confused, the boy didn't reply "Lachlan?" he asked as he kneeled down beside him.

"I want Cal" he cried as he backed away from Ethan.

"He's not come back yet and he's left his phone" Ethan explained "Lachlan are you ill?" he asked concerned.

"No I'm better; the doctors said I'm better enough to fly" Lachlan whimpered as tears poured from his eyes.

"Are you on medication?" Ethan asked.

"...Yes" Lockie replied reluctantly as he heaved once more into the toilet.

"Do you know what it's called Lockie?" he urged.

"I want Cal!" He cried.

"Okay I'll try and get in contact with him" Ethan promised and pulled out his phone.

"Max? Is Cal there?" He asked.

"Nooooo, why would he be here?" Max slurred in reply followed by a few drunken giggles in the background and a "shush" which obviously belonged to Cal.

"It's an emergency" Ethan continued.

"Well he's not here I'm sorry" Max continued his act, but the giggling in the background stopped.

"It's Lockie" Ethan told him.

"What's up?" Cal was at the phone instantly now sounding completely sober.

"He's vomiting, but he keeps talking about how the doctors say he's better and that he's on medication but he won't tell me anymore, he's crying for you Cal but I don't know whether I should take him to the ED or-" Cal cut him off.

"No just keep him there I'll be home now" he told him frantically.

This meant going against his gut and this was something Ethan never felt comfortable doing, "But Caleb-" Cal cut him off again.

"Tell him I'll be there with him" He spoke determinately down the phone and the line went dead.

"Don't worry Lockie, Cal's coming home now okay?" Ethan smiled as he rubbed the boy's back.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello everyone! I've just found out that next week's episode of Casualty is called "Home for Christmas" which is sort of the same as the title of this story so that amused me slightly, anyways...What's wrong with little Lockie then? Find out in this chapter...please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

Home for the holidays – Chapter five

"Lockie look, if you're ill enough to have to get permission to fly then surely this is big?" Ethan asked the boy who was still kneeled down before the toilet.

"I want my mum" He cried.

"All you've got is me and I'm going to look after you okay? But I need to know what's wrong Lockie?" Ethan pushed, it was evident he was hiding something.

"I don't want to tell you" He sniffed as he looked toward the ground.

Ethan sighed impatiently and thought, "Look, I know what it's like when you're ill, all you want is your mum right?" he stated.

Lachlan nodded in reply as he looked up at him.

"Well, did cal ever tell you about the time I had a car crash?" Ethan asked.

"And he saved you?" Lockie asked as he wiped his tears away.

Ethan smiled, "Yeah then, I was twenty eight at the time and the only thing I could think when I was trapped in that car was how much I wanted my mum, it's a natural thing we all have in us, obviously I couldn't have my mum because she died earlier on that year but it's okay to want your mum okay? I understand" he smiled reassuringly at the boy who now looked more at ease.

"Can I take your temperature?" Ethan asked, now knowing he'd gained the boy's trust, Lachlan nodded, "39, look your temperature is way too high" he sighed, "please tell me what's wrong Lachlan? I'm a doctor, I can make you better" he smiled.

"No you can't" Lachlan replied bursting yet again into a flood of tears and threw himself into Ethan as he wept.

Ethan held him awkwardly, "Right that's it I'm taking you to hospital" he stated as he stood up with the boy in his arms.

"What about Cal?" Lachlan cried into Ethan's shoulder.

"He can meet us there" Ethan told him and hurried out the door with him picking up his car keys as he left. Just as they reached the top of the stairs they bumped into Cal who was breathless from his sprint up.

"What are you doing?" He asked confused.

"Taking him to the ED" Ethan replied.

"No, no get him inside he's fine" Cal told him, "come here sport" he smiled as he took his brother from Ethan's arms and carried him back to the flat.

"Am I going to die?" Lachlan whimpered.

"No don't be silly, look; all it is is the fact you're extra tired because of the flight, more tired than usual right? It's just confused your body a bit that's all, you've had a big few days getting overly excited you just need to take it easy little buddy, like the doctors said okay?" Cal told him as he carried him through the door, Ethan following closely behind watching the entire situation warily.

"Okay" Lachlan replied.

"Hey look let's get your blanket from the bag" Cal proposed as he lay Lockie down on the couch and pulled out a blanket from his suitcase, "here buddy" he handed it to him and took a seat beside him, "have some rest okay?" he smiled down at him.

"I still have my comfort blanket too, like you had yours until you were thirteen Ethan" Lockie yawned as he clung onto it and buried himself into Cal who put his arm around him.

Ethan smiled sadly in reply, "Hey you better get yourself better soon, we've got a game of chess to complete remember?" he teased as Lockie drifted off in Cal's arms.

"He gets really clingy when he's ill" Cal smiled sadly as he brushed some of Lockie's blonde hair away from his eyes.

Ethan had bitten his tongue for way too long, Lachlan wouldn't tell him what was wrong; he would get it out Cal. "What is wrong with him Cal? I mean, I know kids over exaggerate things but God he looked utterly petrified for his life and he was only throwing up" he started.

Cal held his head down and thought of a way to reply, "He's ill Ethan" he whispered.

"Yeah well I gathered that" Ethan replied sarcastically.

"No, like, really _really_ ill" Cal stated reluctantly.

Ethan could tell by the look on Cal's face just saying that alone hurt him, "How so?" he asked, worried for the answer he might get.

Cal took a deep breath and looked up at Ethan, he was surprised to see tears building in the older man's eyes, "He's...he's got Leukaemia...Well, Acute lymphoblastic leukaemia to be exact" he said.

Ethan was speechless, the words hit him like a tonne of bricks, he couldn't be talking about Lachlan? The constantly happy boy that lay asleep on his lap, surely not? "...What?" he muttered as he sunk down into the couch beside Cal.

"He got diagnosed over a year ago, he's been through the induction stage, and the consolidation stage, he's been in nearly two months of partial remission but his symptoms are still there even if they are lying low, his skin is always pale, he bruises so easily, he's constantly tired..." Cal's voice trailed off.

Ethan thought for a moment, "Cal he's just threw up, shouldn't we get him checked out he could've caught some form of virus" he spoke frantically.

"They'll only prescribe him the medication he's already on, I want to keep him away from hospital as much as I can whilst we're over here, he practically lives in hospital" Cal told him sadly.

"Hang on, just run this by me on more time, they let you travel half way across the world with him whilst he's still riddled with cancer?!" Ethan asked confused.

"They wouldn't normally but, I've took a few exams, I'm qualified to look after him I know how to handle him and they...they don't think they'll be able to cure him completely...he's made a bucket list" Cal told him as his tears escaped his eyes.

Ethan was completely speechless; he clung to Cal's every word.

"These last two months are the healthiest he's been in years but the doctors basically said it's more like the calm before the storm. We've sorted everything out and he can have his treatment over here if needs be, the price for insurance was massive but mum wants his bucket list at least started, just in case...he already saw the oncologist over here today whilst we were waiting for you and everything going smoothly, this could be his last Christmas and we just want it to be one he'll remember" he sniffed.

Ethan suddenly felt his blood boil, "What sort of mother allows her terminally ill child to travel half way across the world without her?!" he snapped protectively.

"Do you really think mum would do that? She's staying in a hotel ten minutes walk away from the ED with my other brother and my dad just in case, she was going to surprise Lockie and turn up on Christmas Day, anyway, she deserved a break with everything she's been through recently" Cal replied as he wiped his tears away with the back of his hand.

"What about you? It must be hard Caleb I can't even begin to imagine..." Ethan admitted as he watched him sadly.

Cal took a deep breath, "It was. It is. Ethan I was going to run and hide, like I always do that's why I booked a flight to come home to you I couldn't handle it, we got so close and he reminds me so much of you and God I couldn't lose him Ethan. And then he found out I was coming home and he asked if he could come and I said no because he was the reason I wanted to get away but then he-" he cut himself off as the sentence was too hard for him to finish, he tried to hold back his tears but he couldn't.

"Take your time Cal..." Ethan spoke softly.

"...he showed me his bucket list" Cal burst out completely into tears at this point; he held his head in his hands as he sobbed.

Ethan looked at him sympathetically with tears now building in his eyes, "What was on it?" he asked carefully, "Caleb?" he whispered.

"To meet you Ethan, it's right at the top" Cal told him through his cry, this caused Ethan's tears to silently trickle down his face as he again clung to Cal's every word, "followed by building a proper snowman, seeing Peter Pan, finding someone who can beat him at chess and...getting better" Cal crumbled again, Ethan put his arm around him in comfort, "God his bucket list is two pages long, front and back but not one of them is selfish or out there, most people want to jump out of a plane whereas Lockie, he's just happy with building a snowman with the people who loves and wants to raise money for leukaemia research so to stop other people getting ill like him...how is that fair Ethan? How come he has to be the one who gets this stupid condition, he's so so brave" he whispered as he looked down at his sleeping brother, "...I'd do it you know, in a heartbeat" he said as he composed himself.

"Do what?" Ethan asked.

"If I could take his cancer away from him and give it to me I would, he doesn't deserve this Ethan" Cal shook his head "...you know it's ironic how Peter Pan - the boy who will never grow up is his favourite movie, because Lockie, Lockie never will either" he whimpered.

"Oh Caleb" Ethan sighed as they both looked back down at Lachlan, Ethan now seeing the boy in a completely different light.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello everyone! Here's the next chapter, thank you for the reviews you left on my last chapter, it was nice to see you enjoyed and some actually felt quite touched which I thought was lovely so thank you! Please let me know your thoughts as you always do, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

Home for the holidays – Chapter six

"Knock knock" Ethan announced as he opened the spare bedroom door where Cal and Lockie slept. He paused for a moment to look at the ten year old who lay closest to the door, it was comforting to see him looking so peaceful and not crying and in pain like he was last night, Ethan almost didn't want to break his peaceful sleep but with a deep breath he did.

"Good morning!" He called in a cheerful voice causing Lockie to open his eyes, Cal however, kept his eyes closed though he was listening slightly, he was confused whether this was real or a dream. "Clear your schedules for tonight because we've got plans" Ethan continued in his cheerful tone.

"What plans?" Lockie yawned as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Oh I don't know...they might involve us going to the second star to the right and straight on 'till morning" Ethan said the line he'd been practising in his mind all night.

"Neverland?" Lockie asked confused.

Cal now looked towards Ethan confused as to where he was taking this.

"The box office opened this morning at six, I was the first person there and I bagged us three tickets to see Peter Pan the Panto tonight at 6" Ethan smiled as he held up the tickets.

"Seriously?!" Lockie asked excitedly.

"Yep" Ethan replied.

"Oh my God! Thank you Ethan!" He yelled as he ran into him and threw his arms around him, the force of the boy hitting into him almost knocked him over.

"Merry Christmas Lachlan" he smiled, "oh, also, I was thinking when we come home maybe we could put up the Christmas tree, try and make this place look a bit more festive" Ethan suggested.

"Hell yeah!" Lockie grinned, "I'm going to Skype mum and tell her, she won't believe it I'm going to see Peter Pan!" he ran off into the living room.

"He can tick that one off" Ethan smiled sadly as he turned to Cal who sat up.

"What so now you know he's dying you suddenly like him?" Cal scoffed.

Ethan looked toward the ground, "I didn't not like him...I just, I didn't like the thought that you had left me and gotten a complete new family that loves the bones of you whilst I had no one, the only person I did have was you and, and I lost you Cal. And then you show up with your new brother and I just-"

"You were jealous" Cal butted in.

"Yeah I suppose I was...and I know how pathetic sounds, the fact you still call this your home made me realise I haven't lost you" Ethan admitted.

"Before he took too ill and dropped out of school Lachlan was asked to make a family tree for a project, he put you on there as his 'English brother'" Cal told him with a slight smile.

"Really?" Ethan asked, feeling guilty at the fact he didn't just except Lachlan straight away.

Cal nodded, "Do you see how I had to prioritise now Ethan? Lachlan is a really poorly kid and I'm going to give him all the attention I can, whilst I can, I haven't told them about my troubles because they've got enough of their own, that's why I never mentioned Matilda" Cal explained.

"What about your drinking?" Ethan asked.

"I haven't had time to drink Ethan" Cal replied responsibly, "thanks for the tickets though, that's really thoughtful, did you really get down there at six?" He asked.

"I've been up since four...I couldn't sleep, anyway I've got to get to work now so I'll see you later" He smiled and turned to leave.

"Bye Lockie!" He called to the boy who sat on the couch awaiting his mother to answer his Skype call.

"Bye Ethan! Thanks again!" Lachlan called after him as he picked up his briefcase and left for work.

* * *

 _At the ED..._

Everyone stood around the staffroom where Connie had gathered them together for an announcement; Ethan hadn't been able to get Lockie out of his mind all morning.

"Right, we've left it a bit late but we need a charity to raise money for this Christmas" Connie announced as she looked straight at Ethan who looked so obviously lost in his own thoughts, "Doctor Hardy!" she called snapping him back to reality.

"Sorry what?" he asked.

"Charity for Christmas fundraising, any suggestions?" She urged.

He couldn't believe his luck, it was as if she somehow knew this was on Lockie's bucket list, "Leukaemia" he spat out the second Connie finished her sentence.

Connie looked quite taken aback by how quickly the young doctor replied "...okay, very specific, may I ask your reason?" she asked.

"It's just...really close to heart; it would mean a lot" Ethan explained as tears built in his eyes, he looked towards the ground as he noticed others start to stare.  
"Right...Any other suggestions?" Connie asked the rest of her colleagues.

Everyone shook their heads.

"Leukaemia it is then" she smiled at Ethan and left.

"Thanks" he replied sheepishly.

"Ethan, are you okay?" Robyn asked as she and most of her other colleagues noticed the unusual sad and down tone to the doctor's voice.

"Yeah, will you excuse me a moment?" he managed to force out a smile and made a beeline for the toilets. He took one look at himself in the mirror before he crumbled; this all just felt so wrong, yeah he was raising money for leukaemia but he couldn't see how it mattered because the odds were Lockie was still going to die, and he knew that was selfish because millions of people suffer from the same condition all around the world but right now he didn't care about anyone else, which again baffled him how Lockie can bring to think about others when he is the one going through it all. This made him realise he could learn a thing or two from the boy.

After getting through the majority of his day he decided to take his lunch break, having only a coffee seen as though he failed miserably at getting some sleep last night and wasn't quite in the mood for food. He sat outside in the bitter winter afternoon nursing his coffee in his hands; watching as the steam from the hot liquid disappeared into the atmosphere. It looked as though it had snowed; but not much...typical England. There was probably enough snow to make one snowball let alone an entire snowman, never had he hoped for snow so much in his life before. If he were to be honest, Ethan didn't really like snow, it was far too cold and God forbid trying to drive on the snow that turns to black ice on the roads far too quickly...but he knew it would make Lockie's Christmas and this made him hope for snow. As if on cue he looked up to find Cal cutting across the car park, hand in hand with Lockie, Ethan felt his heart jump to his throat as he immediately thought the worst.

"Is everything okay?" he called as he rushed over to them almost slipping on the ice as he made his way; luckily Cal caught him before he toppled over.

"Are you okay?" Cal asked as he steadied him.

"Yeah" Ethan replied and then looked down at Lockie, "what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing, we just figured it's best to get him checked over after last night" Cal explained as he straightened Lachlan's hat.

"Look Ethan! I've got my Christmas jumper on for the panto tonight!" Lachlan told him excitedly as he unzipped his coat, and pulled his scarf to one side to show him his red Christmas jumper which had a black and white Aztec pattern on, with white reindeers and snowflakes. Cal let out a tut; he didn't like Lockie being cold with his condition, hence the amount of layers he was made to wear for protection.

"How festive" Ethan grinned.

"G'day mate!" Max called from the ED doors and made his way over; hiding his hands behind his back.

"What's behind your back Max?" Cal asked warily but Max ignored him, "Max...?" he called again as he noticed the mischievous grin on his face as he approached them.

"Think fast!" Max shouted and launched a snowball out of the minimal amount of snow there was lying around right at Lockie, which hit him in the chest.

Max, Lachlan and Ethan laughed along but Cal saw red, "What were you thinking Max you moron!" Cal roared and held Lachlan in front of him to examine him, "are you okay buddy?" He asked as he kneeled down before him and pulled up his jumper to get a look at any damage the snowball had caused.

Lachlan exchanged confused glances with both Ethan and Max.

"It was only a snowball mate; you're acting as if I threw a brick!" Max laughed sarcastically.

"Yeah well you may as well have!" He shouted as he turned Lachlan to face the light so he could get a better look at his chest; there was a slight red mark visible, "Look what you've done!" he yelled as he pointed to it. Max looked at him as if he'd gone completely mad.

"Cal there's no need to be a hypochondriac, he's fine, aren't you Lockie?" Ethan smiled down at the boy.

"Yeah, I am, it was only a snowball Caleb-" Cal cut him off.

"You know how easily you bruise Lockie!" He shouted.

"If he says he's fine Cal then he's fine. He's a smart kid he'd tell you otherwise" Ethan replied calmly.

"You don't even know him Ethan." Cal snapped.

"I'm sorry if I've hurt you Skippy" Max apologised as he high-fived Lockie.

"You didn't" Lockie smiled.

"His name his Lachlan not Skippy it was funny once; it's getting kind of old now Max" Cal warned and hurried Lachlan indoors for his appointment with his oncologist.

Max looked toward Ethan confused, "He's a bit protective" Ethan explained, "...and hungover" he added.

"No kidding Sherlock" Max replied sarcastically and made his way inside with his hands in his pockets.

Hours later and Ethan's shift was finally up, he walked out of the staffroom having gotten changed from his scrubs and pulled out his phone to call Cal as the panto was due to start in forty minutes, but he was stopped as someone ran into him for a hug; it was Lockie.

"Hey Lockie, have you been here the whole time?" He asked.

"Yeah" Lachlan sighed, "Cal is making the doctor give me a chest X-ray because of the snowball that Max threw" he rolled his eyes, "I'm sick of hospitals" he huffed.

"Does the doctor think you need one?" He asked.

"Nope, he's checked me over and he says there's no need for me to get one but he'll do one to ease Cal's mind, but I've got to wait an hour so we'll miss Peter Pan" he told him as tears built in his eyes.

Ethan stopped for a moment to think, "Right come here" he lifted Lachlan up and propped him on the reception desk, he then pulled out his stethoscope form his briefcase and pressed it against Lockie's chest, he then did the same with his back, "I can't see any need for a chest X-ray, and anyway, that mark has gone now, I think Cal is just over-panicking slightly" he told him with a reassuring smile as he pulled down Lachlan's jumper.

"Over-panicking?" Cal called from behind him causing him to jump, "Ethan he could have a pulmonary haemorrhage you don't understand how fragile his body is" Cal snapped as he handed Lockie a chocolate bar he bought from the shop.

"There's no evidence of that Cal, I've had a listen myself just then" Ethan replied, Cal ignored him. Ethan then turned to Lachlan who was still sat on the desk, "Right Lockie...have you been coughing up any blood or had any nose bleeds since the accident with the snowball?" he asked, now sounding more like Doctor Hardy.

"No..." Lachlan replied warily.

"Had any breathing difficulties at all?" He asked.

"Nope" Lockie replied.

"Is your skin tone of a bluish colour?" he asked.

Lachlan pulled up his sleeve, "Nope just as pale as it always is" He smiled.

"Can you fly?" He asked.

"Can I what?" Lachlan asked confused.

"Fly" Ethan replied, keeping the seriousness to his voice.

"No...?" Lockie replied shooting a confused glance at Cal.

"What's that? You can't fly?! Well, I know who can fix that" Ethan replied allowing a small grin to grow on his face, Lockie still looked as confused as ever, "Peter Pan!" he announced as he picked Lockie up; carried him over his shoulder and ran for the doors and away from Cal, the boy laughed hysterically as they left. Cal sighed deeply and followed them out.

Ethan put Lachlan down gently as they reached the car, Ethan opened the door and Lockie got in, he then turned to talk to Cal, "Look Caleb you have every right to be concerned and protective but there is no evidence of any bleeding okay? I think his body is stronger than you give it credit for. Do you _honestly_ think I'd let him leave if I had the slightest doubt?" he asked.

Cal shook his head admittedly.

"You need to let him enjoy himself Caleb, he's just a kid, anyway you said you want to keep him away from hospitals right? Now come on, let's get started on getting his bucket list marked off" Ethan smiled and opened up the passenger's side for Cal.

* * *

 **As you guys know I love getting my readers as involved with my stories as much as I possibly can as I think it makes it more interesting for you as readers. I was thinking of ways this could happen in "Home for the holidays" and I figured it would be nice if you could give some suggestions for things you would like to see on Lockie's bucket list for the brothers to complete (obviously doable and in fitting with the story of course). If you leave suggestions in reviews or PMs I'll pick a few (if I get any at all) and try and fit them in. This was just a suggestion for you to have something to look out for in the next few chapters, if not I'll just continue with the story I already have planned out it's no problem, I just finally have a some free time now and so have time to write a few extra chapters. Please don't get offended if I don't use your suggestion, it will probably just be me struggling to find a way of writing to do it justice haha. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this suggestion and if so get leaving your additions to Lockie's bucket list! Kayxxx :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello everyone! Happy Casualty day! Cal finally meets his birth mother tonight *GULP*. Can't wait for more of his storyline the winter trailer features a lot of Cal, it's about time he had a big storyline! Anyways, here's the next chapter we learn more about Cal's new family and his time spent in Australia. Thanks for the reviews so far and the suggestions for Lockie's bucket list, I've managed to get a few listed in this chapter from PMs and reviews I got but if anyone else has anymore suggestions let me know and I'll get them in. I hope you enjoy this chapter, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

Home for the holidays – Chapter seven

The pantomime had ended and the three of them head home. Lachlan had not stopped babbling on about the performance since the second the curtain fell down, Ethan was just happy he'd had some contribution to the young boy's bucket list and Cal found the entire thing extremely hard to sit through having only a few hours sleep, jetlag and a pretty bad hangover that he couldn't even moan about because Lachlan was still under the impression that Cal hadn't touched a drink in his life. The second they got home Cal passed out on the couch whilst Ethan and Lachlan started up a new game of Chess, Ethan had been secretly practising and researching ways he could beat the ten year old who had won every game they had played so far.

"Peter Pan was so amazing! Thank you Ethan! Did you see the part when he flew?!" Lachlan asked excitedly.

"Didn't he fly the entirety of the performance?" Ethan asked with a smirk as he moved one of his chess pieces.

"Yeah but it was awesome!" Lachlan replied as he examined the chess board, "And the girl who played Tinkerbell was hot, I _definitely_ believed in fairies" he grinned cheekily and moved another chess piece.

"And you _defiantly_ take after Cal" Ethan joked.

"You've got to admit she was hot" Lockie pushed.

For a split second Ethan looked as though he was going to give straight answer before he replied with, "...look let's change the subject" and moved his next chess piece.

"You agree" Lockie replied knowingly.

"Lockie!" Ethan snapped.

"Okay sorry, I can't believe Cal kept falling asleep" Lockie huffed and looked over his shoulder at his sleeping older brother on the couch.

"Well, he didn't sleep much last night, plus his body is still getting used to the time zones, anyway it gives us a chance to get to know each other better...well you know practically everything about me but I don't know very much about you" Ethan started.

"What do you want to know?" Lockie asked with a smile.

Ethan thought for a moment, "Start with your family" he suggested.

"Okay, I live with my mum and dad and older brother" Lockie told him as he moved another piece.

"Cal" Ethan said knowingly.

"No Cal has his own apartment but he's been staying over for the last two months to be with me" Lockie explained.

"Oh right so you've got another brother?" Ethan asked, Cal had already mentioned this brother was staying in a hotel in Holby with his parents, but Lockie didn't know this so Ethan kept up his unknowing ways.

"Yep and a sister called Victoria or Vicky, but she moved to London for university a few years ago, she's 22 now. She always comes to visit though" Lockie told him; swinging his legs from the stool that was way too tall for the small boy.

"Wow so it's a big family" Ethan replied surprised, he didn't know about their sister, Ethan was used to his small family; he only had Cal and his mum growing up and now he had neither he almost couldn't imagine having three siblings and two loving parents.

"Yeah, I'm the baby" Lockie replied with a roll of his eyes.

"So who's this brother then?" Ethan asked continuing the conversation.

"Ruben, but you can't call him Ruben he'll beat the crap out of you, it's Rube. He's 18 and a complete idiot, he's always going out and getting drunk, and he smokes, he always argues with mum and dad and then disappears for days. He hates everything, mum, dad, me, life...but more than anything in the entire world he hates Cal. He came home drunk once and had a fight with him, mum was crying so was I, dad kicked Rube out after that and there was blood everywhere, both of them had to go to the hospital to get stitches, he's just an idiot. He wasn't always like that though, before I got sick he was my best friend, I'm not sure why he changed"

"Who started the fight between them?" Ethan asked in dread knowing full well what Cal is like.

"Rube did of course, he's always causing fights" Lachlan replied easily.

Ethan couldn't help but be surprised, "What happened?" he asked.

"Me and Cal were watching Peter Pan one night in the living room with mum and dad and then Rube wondered in drunk, dad started shouting at him because he had college the next morning and then Rube started having a go at mum so Cal jumped in and told him to go to bed before he makes it worse and then he just jumped at Cal, but it was a fair fight. Rube is so strong he could beat the crap out of anyone, he's been doing boxing since he was like ten so he thinks he's better than everyone so Cal had to fight back, at first Cal was just trying to push him back because he didn't really want to hit him; he's his brother and mum was there but Rube wouldn't give in, he punched him right in the nose and busted it so Cal hit him back once, and Rube just hit the floor but then dad dragged him back up again and threw him out, I'd never seen Rube cry before that...Cal drove around for a bit later and found him walking around the streets, he picked him up and took him to hospital to get stitches, Rube got stitches in his lip where Cal hit him and the back of his head where he hit floor, Cal had to get stitches in his fist and he had these things in his nose to stop it bleeding they looked like tampons he sent a selfie to mum when he was in A&E" Lockie laughed as he thought back.

Ethan sighed at Cal's immaturity and continued, "Why does he hate Cal so much?" he asked.

"I don't know, he always says he'll never be a brother to him" Lockie shrugged.

"Maybe Rube feels a bit pushed aside because all the attention has been on you lately because you're poorly, maybe he feels like he's been replaced by Cal" Ethan suggested, he knew the feeling of being replaced well...

"I'd rather he got all the attention" Lockie admitted and moved another piece on the board.

"So what about Cal? Does he work?" Ethan asked examining where to make his next move.

"Cal's always busy working he works in the hospital like he used to here, he works a lot and gives mum money, she gave up working to look after me. Dad still works though, we used to have so much money, our house has a pool and everything but then mum stopped working we can't afford much anymore, Cal helps as much as he can though" Lachlan told him, "It's my fault we don't have enough money" he mumbled as held his head down.

"Don't be silly Lockie; you can't help it if you're sick now can you?" Ethan smiled reassuringly, "Cal not having a girlfriend, that one really shocked me" he announced changing the subject.

"He did for a bit, when he first came over he fell in love with one of his patients, actually, she was the first patient he ever treated. Her name was Kylie and she was really nice, and pretty, but she was poorly like me, he tried as hard as he could but Cal couldn't fix her and she died...we didn't hear from Cal for a whole month after that, we thought he'd gone back to England but then when I was really ill I had to go to hospital again and he saw me when he was in work and we got closer than ever, now he's my best friend in the world" Lockie smiled.

"...His girlfriend died?" Ethan muttered, surely he had heard that wrong?

"Yeah, she collapsed at their apartment so he took her to hospital but he wouldn't let anyone else treat her. Her heart stopped beating and he started to resuscitate her but her heart didn't beat again...he blames himself because he was treating her when she died, he came home and just cried for hours to mum, it was scary because it was the first time I'd seen Cal cry..." Lockie's voice trailed off.

"...Wow" Ethan whispered. The sudden realisation that Cal's life has been extremely far from easy suddenly hitting him...

"But he's okay now though" Lockie reassured him seeing the etched look of worry on his face.

 _"Is he?"_ Ethan thought to himself, "good" he smiled.

"Hmm what else is there? Oh! My mum was a nurse before she left work and my dad is a lawyer, Vicky is studying science in university and Rube goes to college and he plays guitar and sings when he's not fighting with people" he laughed.

"Is he any good?" Ethan asked as he made another move.

"He's great! But no one listens to him anymore, his band mates kicked him out because he would always be drunk, he busks in town and down by the beach sometimes, all the girls love him, I used to want to be like him but now I want to be like Caleb" Lockie told him.

Ethan could finally see how Cal says Lachlan is like him as he could defiantly see how Cal was like Rube after just hearing a few slight things about him, he couldn't help but feel sorry for both Cal and Rube after what Lockie had just told him.

"Hey, why don't we tick off Peter Pan on your bucket list?" Ethan suggested.

"Okay!" Lockie called excitedly and ran to get it straight away from his room.

He placed a ragged and crumpled piece of paper on the table covered in childlike handwriting and doodles. It brought a tear to Ethan's eye; he had to look away.

"Tick" Lockie grinned as he did so.

"Can I have a Lockie?" Ethan asked sheepishly.

"Of course! This is only one page though there's another in my bag" Lachlan told him and handed over his bucket list.

Ethan held it carefully in his hands and read each word on the page; he decided to focus on the top few as they were obviously the ones which were closest to the boy's heart. Ethan felt his heart shatter when he saw _"Meet Ethan (my English brother)"_ right at the top as his number one.

"Oh Lockie" he sighed sadly as he continued to read the completely selfless things the boy had come up with...

 _"1. Meet Ethan (my English brother) - DONE!  
2\. See Peter Pan - DONE!  
3\. Raise money for __lukemia_ _Leukaemia.  
4\. See real snow – DONE!  
5\. Make a real snowman.  
6\. Have a real Christmas (decorate a tree).  
7\. Find someone who can beat me at chess.  
8\. Make Rube happy.  
9\. Make mum and dad happy.  
10\. Make Caleb happy.  
11\. Go to England – DONE!  
12\. Try real fish and chips  
13\. See a shooting star.  
14\. Get drunk (just to see what all the fuss is about).  
15\. Get better KICK CANCER'S BUTT!  
16\. Write letters to everyone in case I don't.  
17\. Come back as a ghost and haunt Rube to annoy him.  
18\. Build a den.  
19\. Be a grown up.  
20\. Make my mum proud.  
21\. Sneak out of hospital to have fun – DONE!  
22\. Get Cal a new girlfriend.  
23\. Break a bone – DONE!  
24\. Sit out in the rain without needing my big jumper, hat, scarf and coat.  
25\. Make a video every day until I die.  
26\. Show people that you shouldn't be scared of cancer (even though it can be really really scary sometimes).  
27\. Get a pet snake.  
28\. Spend more time with dad – DONE!  
29\. Tell everyone I love them.  
30\. Give loads of hugs! – DONE!  
31\. Smile more.  
32\. Not cry as much.  
33\. Get a girlfriend  
34\. Not be forgotten (make an impact).  
35\. Stay up all night watching movies.  
36\. Make Rube feel important.  
37\. HAVE THE BEST LIFE EVER!  
38\. Go back to school.  
39\. Go to university.  
40\. Get Ethan and Honey back together."_

Ethan wiped the tears from his eyes and then had to double take when he read number forty, "Does that say get me and Honey back together?" Ethan asked with a sniff.

"Yep" Lockie smiled, "Cal has told me loads about you and her, I want you to be happy" he explained.

"Lachlan that's really thoughtful but _I am_ happy. When Honey and I broke up we both agreed it would be for the best, we had nothing in common at all" Ethan explained.

"But-" Ethan cut him off.

"Anyway, she's moved back to Manchester now and I think she's got a new boyfriend" he told him.

"Oh..." Lockie sighed disappointedly and put a cross through number forty on his bucket list.

"But I know at least...five that I can help make happen tonight" Ethan told him as he took another look at the list, this time with dry eyes.

"What? Really?!" Lockie asked excitedly.

"Yeah, right we're going to put up the tree, build a den, eat fish and chips and then stay up all night watching movies" Ethan planned.

"Are you being serious?!" Lachlan asked amazed.

Ethan pulled out his phone, pressed a few buttons and held it to his ear, "Hello, can I place an order for a delivery please? Can I have three portions of your finest fish and chips? Great! Thank you!" he put the phone down.

"Wooo fish and chips!" Lockie cheered and looked down at his bucket list again, "wait...you said we can do five things tonight, you only listed four?" he asked confused.

"Oh really?" Ethan asked acting as if he didn't know, "right looks like I'll have to do this then" he stated.

"Do what?" Lockie asked confused.

Ethan moved one more piece on the board and looked back up at Lockie, "Checkmate." he smiled proudly.

"What?!" Lachlan asked in amazement and examined the board.

"I believe that is number seven ticked off" Ethan grinned, "Now, let's get started on the other four" he announced.

"Let's do it!" Lockie cheered and ticked off number seven on his bucket list.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello everyone! Did you all enjoy last night's Casualty? I really can't look at Cal as a Stephen or Ethan as a Michael for that matter! But anyways, great acting as always. I just want to take some time to tell you what to expect from me in the coming weeks, I have a short Christmas story planned which will be up sometime this week before Christmas as well as 'Home for the holidays' continuing, but I also have another few stories up my sleeve for the new year including the squeal to 'I'd rather be a Knight' as promised which I've been working on recently...right back to this story, I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter eight

Cal woke early hours of the next morning to find the flat illuminated in fairy lights, different coloured tinsel hanging from everywhere and anywhere possible and in the corner of the room sat a Christmas tree looking very far from bare and neat if he were to be completely honest...on the living room floor in front of the TV lay Ethan and Lockie with reindeer antlers on their heads. They were propped up by the couch behind them though they were in a deep slumber, so deep in fact, Lockie had wrapped his arms tightly around Ethan's torso as if it were a pillow and Cal knew for a fact Ethan was defiantly unaware of this as Ethan didn't do 'cuddling' and 'closeness'. He decided to savour this precious and extremely rare moment by taking a photo on his phone.

"I think we've got the Christmas cards sorted for the next twenty years" Cal laughed quietly to himself as he wondered into the kitchen and noticed some dirty dishes left over – this was something Ethan never did - he then noticed a packet from the chip shop with a note with his name on, but Ethan hated take aways? It was when he opened it up and see it was fish and chip did he realise it was on his little brothers bucket list.

"Nibbles" Cal whispered as he kneeled down beside them Ethan stirred slightly "Eth" he called again.

"Um?...what?" He mumbled half asleep.

"Busy night?" Cal smirked as he flicked Ethan's antlers causing the bells on them to jingle.

"You could say that yes..." Ethan yawned and pulled off his antlers, "we got numbers 6, 7, 12, 18 and 35 ticked off" he told him.

"You beat him at chess?" Cal asked amazed, he knew the order of his ten year old brother's bucket list off by heart.

"It took some time but yes" Ethan smiled, "what time is it?" he asked.

"Time for work for you" Cal replied.

"What?!" Ethan called as he looked at the clock, "I don't even have enough time to get a shower...Great. I'm covered in glitter off all the decorations, I'm like a walking decoration" he sighed.

"Oh well I'm sure that new Christmas loving receptionist Jack will have something nice to say" Cal winked causing Ethan to cringe.

"Right that's it I'm getting a shower I don't care how late I am" He decided and prised himself from Lockie's grasp without waking him and went to shower.

After his shower and making sure he was as glitter-free as he could be he got dressed and was ready to leave for work. He grabbed a banana from the kitchen where Cal sat on his laptop, he through a glance over at Lockie who was still sleeping in the living room.

"Cal, is he okay?" He asked noticing a layer of sweat glimmering on his forehead.

Cal looked over his laptop at him, "Yeah he's- he's due his medication" he replied looking at the time.

"Wake him up and give him it, you don't want to chance anything" Ethan spoke responsibly.

"No I'll leave him for a bit longer, he'll be fine" Cal shrugged.

Ethan ignored Cal and walked over to the sleeping boy, "Lockie..." he called, kneeled down beside him.

"What are you doing?!" Cal snapped.

"Lockie you need your medication" Ethan called giving Lockie a gentle nudge.

Lockie opened his eyes and sat up with a yawn, "Are you okay buddy? You've got a bit of a temperature" Ethan spoke concerned placing the back of his hand on Lockie's forehead, Lockie nodded weakly and took his medication before he rested his back against the couch and closed his eyes. Cal appeared from the kitchen, he stood watching the pair with his hands in his pockets. Ethan gave him a concerned glance before he looked back down at the boy.

"Lockie I was thinking tonight, shall we go out for a drive to see if we can spot a shooting star?" Ethan suggested enthusiastically keeping the boy's bucket list in mind.

Lachlan shook his head.

"Do you not feel up to it today? It's Christmas Eve eve!" Ethan asked surprised.

"No" the boy mumbled.

"Okay, you just get yourself some rest today then" Ethan gave him a smile; Lockie nodded slowly and lay down to sleep.

"Cal he's burning up I think we should get him to hospital" Ethan whispered as he made his way over to him.

"He's fine Ethan" Cal replied surprisingly calmly, it was as though he'd this all before.

"Fine?! Cal he's completely weak this isn't right!" Ethan spat out protectively.

"No Ethan, it's not right, but it's cancer. And with cancer you have good days and you have bad days, we've got to be there for them both..." Cal told him sternly before walking over to Lachlan, "we'll just have a pj day won't we Lockie? Shall we get Peter Pan on the TV?" Cal suggested taking a seat next to sleeping Lockie.

Ethan looked at him warily, "Ethan get to work, he'll be fine it's just a bad day, we've had our fair share haven't we matey?" Cal told him as he ruffled Lockie's hair, the boy nodded slowly still half asleep and buried himself into Cal, "Look, he's worn himself out last night with all you did together, do you not think I would get everything on his bucket list ticked off in one week if he had the energy?" Cal shrugged.

Suddenly realisation grew over Ethan; this was his fault for allowing Lockie to do too much last night. He was filled with guilt. "Oh I'm so sorry Caleb, I didn't even think...will he be okay?" he asked worryingly.

"Yes Ethan he'll be fine now go to work" Cal told him and with a nod Ethan left ridden with guilt.

He had fallen for Lockie's trick of thinking the boy is stronger than he actually was and had him on his feet for the majority of the night and for the rest of it had him sat up watching movies. His day at worked seemed to drag, but only because all he wanted to do was go home and care for Lachlan, finally that time had come. He burst through the door, a part of him hoped the boy would run straight for him for a hug, but when he noticed the boy laying on the couch in the living room where he left him this morning the first thing on his lips was "How is he?" He whispered to Cal who sat at the table in the kitchen.

"He's..." Cal's voice trailed off, "He hasn't eaten or drank anything all day, he's refusing" he sighed, "Mum called earlier and wondered why I wouldn't put him on so I told her about him which was a bad idea; she freaked out and wanted to come round but that would wreck the surprise so she's just tearing her hair out in the hotel room now" Cal shook his head.

"Why don't you go round to see her? I'll mind Lockie, anyway you must be missing everyone, well, maybe not Rube" Ethan smirked.

Cal looked at him confused, "How do you-?"

Ethan cut him off, "Lockie," he told him, "You know this 'Rube' really does remind me of someone, I just can't quite put my finger on it..." Ethan teased.

"...was I really that bad when I was that age?" Cal laughed to which Ethan nodded. Cal smiled at him gratefully and left to see his family.

Ethan shot a glance over at Lockie and smiled sympathetically. The boy looked ill, as he always did but for some reason today he looked worse, he looked paler, thinner, weaker...It looked as though his body was giving up, but as Cal said, 'it's just a bad day' he could only hope that that in fact was true and Lockie would be back to his normal bubbly self tomorrow. He turned for the kitchen; he would get him eating.

He took a deep breath and walked into the living room with a plate of toast and a glass of water. Lockie looked up at him as he sat down beside him, "Right, sit up" Ethan ordered, Lockie groaned as he sat his aching body up, "Now drink" Ethan held out the glass of water.

"I don't want to" Lachlan whined, his voice sounded hoarse.

"Okay then get on your coat we're going to hospital" Ethan stated as he stood up.

"Why?!" Lockie moaned.

"Because you're becoming extremely dehydrated by refusing to take fluids. I'll take you to hospital and the doctors can put you on an intravenous drip...how about that on Christmas Eve eve?" Ethan stood his ground. Though Lachlan grew tears in his eyes as he looked up at Ethan, "Look Lockie, I know you hate hospitals and I know you don't want to eat or drink in case you go sick but listen, you're only making yourself worse by not eating or drinking" Ethan sighed and sat down next to him, "Just try a bit of toast and have loads of water. It will save us a trip to the hospital and it will make you feel better because you'll have more energy I guarantee it" Ethan reasoned.

Lachlan drank down the water and had a bite of toast before he threw his arms around Ethan and burst into tears, "Lockie? What's wrong?" Ethan asked in shock as he held the crying boy.

"I'm sick of being poorly Ethan" he whimpered, "I just want it to be over" he cried.

"Oh Lockie" Ethan sighed, "Don't cry" he whispered as he held the boy tightly.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello everyone! Here's the next chapter where it's Christmas Eve. I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter nine

"Happy Christmas Eve!" Lockie roared as he jumped on Ethan's bed.

"You've brightened up" Ethan yawned as he sat up.

Lockie jumped down off the bed and held his head down, "Yeah...well, it just a bad day" he mumbled before he looked back up now seeming more cheerful, "anyway get up I've made you breakfast- an Aussie speciality" he announced as he grabbed Ethan's arm and pulled him out of bed.

"What you've made breakfast and the kitchen is still intact?" Ethan asked as he wondered to the kitchen examining around for any damage.

"It doesn't involve cooking" Lockie told him, "here" he smiled as he placed a bowl in front of him on the table.

Ethan couldn't help but be disappointed, though he didn't know what to expect from the ten year old, "Weetabix?" Ethan asked as he sat down.

"Weet-bix actually. You don't sell the proper stuff over here, weet-bix with strawberries a spoon full of sugar and some milk, perfection" Lockie smiled.

Ethan awkwardly had a spoonful, "Oh, yum...it's lovely" he said giving Lockie a smile and shooting a confused glance over the table at Cal, "what's so special about it?" he asked.

Cal and Lockie looked at each other suddenly, "every Aussie is raised a weet-bix kid!" They spoke simultaneously before laughing.

"Sorry it's off the advert" Cal explained with a chuckle, "I live on this stuff, it really gets you fuelled for the day" he told him.

"And since you've got the day off, we've got some snowman building to do so you better eat up!" Lockie ordered and pushed the spoon up to Ethan's mouth.

"It's snowing?" Ethan asked looking toward the window.

"No...But it's Christmas Eve and Max said it's going to snow on Christmas Eve!" Lockie explained.

"I wouldn't hold him to that, the weather here is extremely temperamental" Ethan told the boy before he got his hopes up too much.

"Oh I've changed number forty" Lachlan informed Ethan.

"To what?" Ethan asked.

"To see Santa" Lachlan stated.

Cal and Ethan looked at each other knowingly, "do you reckon he'll know to bring my presents here this Christmas or will he take them to Australia?" Lockie asked.

Ethan looked toward Cal for help but he held his head down leaving Ethan to do the explaining.

Ethan looked down at Lockie's innocent expression and just couldn't bring himself to break the young boy's heart by telling him the truth, "Oh well, Santa he's, um, why he's great! I'm sure he'll know you're in England, he, he sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake and so on and so forth right?" he explained awkwardly.

"But if he's not used to coming here because you're an adult then he might just forget" Lachlan whimpered.

"No, no he won't forget you! The reindeers will know where to go I'm sure, I remember me and Cal stayed at our-well, my granny's on Christmas once and I worried about the same thing but he still brought our presents...well, only if you've been good, have you been good this year?" Ethan asked.

"Of course I have!" Lockie replied innocently.

"Well them I'm sure he'll bring you whatever you asked for here" Ethan smiled shooting a glance at Cal who gave him a wink meaning he had the boy's presents ready to place under the tree.

"Oh good I've asked for a cat" Lockie grinned.

"A cat?!" Ethan spat out and looked towards Cal who held his head down.

"Yeah, something wrong?" Lockie asked confused.

Ethan swallowed hard, "I, I-I'm rather, um, highly allergic...I don't think Santa will bring that here, it'll be hard to get back to Australia on plane surely?" Ethan asked directing his words to Cal who still had his head down; Cal knew how allergic Ethan was to cats, surely he wouldn't bring one here?

"No you can take pets on our planes" Lockie informed him.

"Oh really? Great..." Ethan replied; it was evident he was trying to cool his boiling blood.

"I'm sorry I can't!" Cal announced as he burst out laughing, Lockie gave him daggers.

"What?" Ethan asked confused.

Lockie burst out laughing now too.

"What?!" Ethan demanded.

Lockie looked up at Ethan, "I know Santa isn't real Nibbles but thanks for the lecture of reassurance it was reaaaaal cute" he replied sarcastically before laughing once more, "and Cal told me about how much you hate cats so I thought I'd have some fun, sorry...obviously if I was getting any pet it would be a snake!" he explained.

"Oh thank god I hate cats, I could feel my throat closing over just talking about it" Ethan now laughed along.

Cal high fived Lockie as the laughing died down, though Lockie seemed to take longer to get his breathing back to normal unlike Cal and Ethan, his breathing turned into a wheeze suddenly; everyone's smiles dropped. Ethan pulled up a chair and Cal sat Lockie down on it.

"Are you okay matey? Take it easy okay?" he spoke softly as he kneeled down before him.

"I'm fine" Lockie replied sternly through his wheeze.

"Are you sure?" Ethan asked.

"When you have a bad day it usually takes you a few days to get back to normal I was surprised how well you were this morning, you're not hiding anything are you?" Cal asked warily.

"It's okay if you're still feeling poorly Lachlan but you need to be honest" Ethan continued.

Lockie shook his head, "I'm fine!" he roared and ran to his room.

Cal stood up and looked at Ethan warily.

"If he says he's fine..." Ethan shrugged it off.

"Eth the last time we went to the oncologist they said they wanted to start him back on chemo but I said after Christmas would be for the best but they said the way it's looking he might not even make it until Christmas" He admitted.

"What?" Ethan asked in disbelief.

"He's determined to make it though so he would hide pain if he was in it" Cal explained.

Ethan shook his head, "Cal get him back on chemo, if he needs it-"

Cal cut him off, "They changed his tablets, they're weak chemo tablets which should do him for now...I just don't want him spending his last Christmas in hospital, first thing Boxing Day I'll take him in and he can start it again properly, mum, dad and Rube, we'll all be there for him" he told him sadly.

Ethan nodded understandingly, "Right we need to make this memorable then...Lockie!" he called.

"What?" Lockie asked as he walked back into the kitchen.

"How do you want to spend Christmas Eve then?" Ethan asked.

"Well I deffo want to build a snowman but we need snow for that...maybe we can do some of the things you used to do on Christmas Eve with your adoptive mum Caleb?" Lockie asked but it only caused a frown to grow on Ethan's face, "sorry" he apologised to him.

"We didn't really do much...we would go to church" Ethan explained.

"Ethan would sing in the choir" Cal smirked.

"You just had to bring that up didn't you?" Ethan rolled his eyes.

They continued thinking before a smile graced Cal's face, "We would have hot chocolate and get the blankets on the couch and watch Christmas movies all day with mum, I think that's one of my favourite memories with her" He smiled sadly as he reminisced, Ethan did too.

"Why don't we do that?" Lockie suggested cheerfully.

"I've got hot chocolate in the cupboard" Ethan announced.

"What movies would you watch or did they change?" Lockie asked.

Cal grinned, "Oh no we had a system. First it was trains planes and automobiles, then it was-"

Ethan cut him off, "The Santa clause, then the Muppets Christmas carol, then-"

Cal cut Ethan off, "Home alone of course, and then we'd finish off how we always did with Die hard...best. Movie. Ever." Cal stated confidently.

"It's not that good" Ethan rolled his eyes, "I'm more a fan of the Muppets at Christmas time" he told him with a smile.

"Then we'd watch it's a wonderful life and mum would always cry..." Cal's voice trailed off.

Ethan nodded slowly, "...I never understood why she cried until I watched it as I got older and I realised just how important family is..." he stated as tears built in his eyes, Cal nodded in agreement.

"Can we start with that one?" Lockie asked.

Cal and Ethan exchanged glances, "Why not?" Ethan smiled, "Right, you two get the duvets and pillows on the couch and I'll make the hot chocolates" he ordered and they did so. They sat together on the couch, Lockie in the middle of Ethan and Cal. They drank their hot chocolates and watched it's a wonderful life which of course reduced both Cal and Ethan to tears, it hit Ethan harder than it did Cal because this was the first time Ethan had thought that his Christmas memories were filled with only one blood relative, that being his mother. The other person he shared his Christmas memories with was Cal...Who was no relation to him at all. Lockie on the other hand found the entire movie completely boring and an absolute struggle to stay awake throughout but it was when he noticed the tears trickling down his brother's and Ethan's faces did he realise how much this movie must mean to them both.

"Maybe we shouldn't have started with that one" Cal sniffed and smiled down at Lockie reassuringly to show he was fine.

"Ethan?" Lockie whispered looking at the younger man sat on his other side, Cal looked over concerned.

"...It just brings back a lot of memories" Ethan sighed as he held his head in his hands and still continued to cry.

"Eth..." Cal sighed sadly, "I still miss her too you know" he told him to which Ethan scoffed at, "Just because I've found my birth mum doesn't mean Matilda is any less of my mum, she was the one that brought me up and loved me as her own and I will always love her for that" he stated.

Ethan nodded in reply; he understood that. Just because Cal isn't his blood brother it did make him any less of his brother...he just hoped he felt the same way.

"Shall we watch the Muppets now?" Lockie asked, "It's your favouriteeee" he smiled up at Ethan.

"Oh go on then; I can't turn down the Muppets" Ethan smiled in reply.

Just as Lockie stood up to change the DVD Ethan's phone began to ring, "It's Mrs Beauchamp" He announced surprised as he checked it.

"Hello?" He answered it.

"Doctor Hardy. Would you like to give me your excuse for not turning up to work this morning?" Connie's stern voice called down the phone.

"Um...It's Christmas Eve, I've got the day off" Ethan replied confused.

"Yes it's Christmas Eve and that's exactly the reason why you do not have the day off." Connie hissed.

"I'm sorry?" Ethan asked.

"It's one of our busiest days Ethan and you're on the schedule" She told him.

"No no, that's impossible, I was sure I had the day off?" he stated confused.

"Well I'm telling you now you are on the schedule and if you're not here within the hour you will be clear from all schedules because you will be unemployed." The phone went dead.

"What was that about?" Cal asked seeing the surprised look on Ethan's face.

"Apparently I'm on the schedule to work today" Ethan replied slowly as he thought back.

"But you said you were off? You said we can have the best Christmas ever, how can we do that if you're in work?" Lockie sulked.

"I thought I _was_ off" Ethan replied. He was filled with a sudden rush of guilt for not being able to spend time with Lachlan, "I'm going to have to go in I'm sorry" he stated and picked up his briefcase.

"Seriously?" Cal asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, you two carry on with the movie watching, I'm sorry I can't be there Lockie" Ethan smiled sympathetically at the boy who looked on the verge of crying.

"No, we have to spend Christmas Eve together Ethan!" Lockie called as he made his way over to him.

"I have to work Lachlan" Ethan told him reluctantly.

"Well then, we'll come too" Lachlan smiled.

"Oh no there's no need-" Lockie cut him off.

"I'll just get my backpack" he ran off to the bedroom to receive it. Cal stood up and got on his leather jacket.

"Are you sure?" Ethan asked him sheepishly.

"Lockie's right, we came here to spend Christmas together" Cal smiled.

"I'll explain everything to Mrs Beauchamp, I might be able to twist her arm" Ethan stated, "I'm convinced I had today off" He shook his head in disbelief as they head out to the ED.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello everyone! I'm posting this early hours of the morning and so I suppose it is officially Christmas Eve so happy Christmas Eve everyone! I should hopefully have something to post tonight but if not I'll be back after Christmas and just want to say I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and are happy! It is Christmas Eve in this chapter too so it's practically live action hahah, jokes aside I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

Home for the holidays – Chapter ten

Ethan, Cal and Lockie raced their way to the ED doors, both Ethan and Cal letting Lockie win of course but the race between them two was as competitive as ever, Cal was the first of the two to cross the doors. All three entered laughing but when they turned to find Connie stood looking far from amused their smiles dropped.

"Ah Doctor Hardy, nice of you to finally join us...my office now." She ordered and turned for her office, Ethan followed sheepishly behind, "Shut the door" she ordered, he did so. She sat at her desk and waited his explanation.

"I'm so sorry Mrs Beauchamp I was convinced I was off today" He spoke out awkwardly.

"Well, I took the liberty of printing off your own schedule for you to keep so you can check the next time you're convinced you have a day of skiving planned" she stated and handed him a piece of paper.

"No I don't need to see that" he sighed but she practically forced it into his hands, "okay, I see...wait, why isn't Lily on here for today?" He asked confused.

"I'm guessing you don't recall the conversation the three of us had a couple of months back?" She asked eyebrows raised.

"Should I?" he asked confused.

"Lily wanted the holidays off to be with her family for the first time without her father being there and so you offered to swap shifts which I approved...you took her Christmas Eve and she took your New Years Eve" Connie tried to jog his memory.

"Oh...yes of course I remember now, I'm sorry" Ethan apologised but he hated himself for swapping those shifts.

"Yes now get out there we're rushed off our feet and don't forget to smile it's Christmas!" Connie spoke sarcastically.

"Yes" Ethan sighed; he forced out a smile at her and turned for the door.

"Ethan? Is everything okay?" she called after him, stopping him at the door.

Ethan took in a deep breath, "Not really no..." he replied as he released it.

"Take a seat" She smiled, he did so, "what's wrong?" she asked concerned, it was like Ethan to seem so off and not up for work.

"Where to start..." Ethan began, "Cal's little brother Lachlan, the one he brought over from Australia" he stated, Connie nodded along, "well he's ill" he told her.

"Oh well, it must be down to the change in climates, it is summer in Australia now, I'm sure he'll be fine" she smiled.

"I wish it was that simple..." Ethan mumbled as tears built in his eyes which caught Connie's attention; something must be up for Ethan to cry, "He's got Leukaemia Mrs Beauchamp" he told her, his words hurt him to say, Connie looked completely taken aback, she sunk back into her chair as Ethan continued, "and this will probably be his last Christmas, and he wanted to spend it with me for some reason and I just..." Ethan's voice trailed off as a tear escaped his eye.

"Oh Ethan I'm so sorry" Connie spoke sincerely; she didn't know what else to say to the young heartbroken doctor.

"Yeah me too" Ethan sniffed, "I just feel so useless and now I can't even be there for him...he's got a bucket list and it's on there to build a proper snowman so we're just hoping for snow today, every day is precious" he stated as more tears traced his cheeks.

"I'm sorry to have you working today Ethan, the first chance you get you can slip away to be with your family, I'll try and call for a locum to cover you but I doubt that'll be easy on Christmas Eve" Connie proposed.

"Thank you" Ethan managed to flash a smile in reply but he kept his eyes to the ground.

"Is that why you suggested leukaemia for the charity?" Connie asked.

Ethan nodded slowly in reply and wiped his tears away still looking at the floor.

Suddenly Connie let out a laugh which caused Ethan to look up surprised, she pointed over his shoulder. He looked to find Lockie with his nose pressed up against the window; he'd been pulling faces behind his back. Lockie pulled a tongue at Ethan and he pulled one back before turning to face Connie once more.

"He's a right little character" she smiled.

"Yeah, he is" Ethan smiled sadly and left to work.

Hours had past but to Ethan, they felt like days. Every patient he treated seemed to drag, though none of them came anywhere near breaching, it must have just been him checking the time every five minutes causing the time to drag, the saying a watched pan never boils had never been so apparent to him before. He could only hope Cal and Lockie had found some way to enjoy their Christmas Eve. Right on queue he looked up to find Lockie burst through the doors and run over to him with a gleaming smile gracing his face.

"Ethan it's snowing!" Lockie announced excitedly, his voice seemed to echo around the hospital

"Well get out there and build a snowman!" Ethan replied in the same excited tone.

Lockie's smile suddenly dropped, "Can't you come too?" he asked, disappointment evident in the boy's tone.

"I don't think so buddy" Ethan replied sadly.

"Ethan go" Connie smiled from the nursing station.

"Thank you Mrs Beauchamp" Ethan smiled at her gratefully.

"Thanks Mrs B!" Lockie called over to her.

"Come on Ethan!" Lockie took hold of Ethan's hand and pulled him out through the hospital and out the ED doors straight into the car park where there was already a snowball fight going on between Max, Lofty, Robyn, receptionist Jack and Cal and some other people he didn't know too; it was a wonderful sight. Everyone was happy and smiling, it was like a scene from a movie. Cal pulled Lockie next to him and they both crouched down behind an ambulance for protection as snowballs flew in all directions around their heads. Ethan stood at the doors of the ED watching amazed at how Christmassy it had become within a few hours.

"Nibbles!" Cal called snapping him from his mesmerised watching just as Max launched a snowball straight toward his face but Jack jumped in front of him taking the blow for him and the snowball bounced off his chest.

"Don't worry Hardy, I've got your back" Jack winked at him.

"It's Ethan" Ethan told him awkwardly as he too was pulled down by Cal.

"Oh how much I'd pay to see that in slow motion" Cal laughed.

"Why did he do that?" Lockie laughed.

"I think he's taken a shine to our Ethan" Cal teased as he rolled up a snowball and threw it over the bonnet of the ambulance getting Lofty right in his curly locks.

The snowball fight continued; people throwing them from the protection of parked vehicles, behind bins, behind benches before Max appeared from behind a bin and walked right in the centre of the fight holding his hands up in defeat causing everyone to stop their throwing.

"Right!" He called, everyone watched him confused; he wasn't one to give in. "This isn't a fair fight, poor Lachlan over there has come from Australia for this fight, now come on, everyone come out from their battle stations, let's have a proper snowball fight!" Max reasoned. There was a full five seconds of frozen silence before Lockie jumped up from behind the ambulance, pointed at Max and roared "Fire!" Snowballs from every direction were all launched right at Max followed by laughs, "okay I walked right into that one" he laughed before he quickly bent down to make more snowballs.

Cal pulled Lockie back behind the ambulance, zipped up his coat and made sure his hat was on securely before he gave him a high five and the pair of them ran out to battle. Cal spent the majority of the time protecting his little brother from the flying snowballs but he didn't make it obvious; they were on the same team of course he had his back. Ethan on the other hand spent the majority of the time trying to dodge Jack more than the snowballs which caused Cal to laugh hysterically when he looked over to find Ethan practically covered head to toe in snow damping his blue scrubs. Jack had hold of his glasses, giving them a polish and wiping the snow off them for him. Ethan smiled at him gratefully and placed them in the pocket of his scrubs before he quickly made his way over to Cal and Lockie being hit several times on the way over and muttering the word "ouch" with every hit.

"Get away Nibbles you're like a walking target!" Lockie joked as he threw another snowball over toward Max. Cal laughed; Ethan laughed more sarcastically and launched a snowball right at Jack though that wasn't his intention, however it didn't bother him.

"Oh and there was me thinking we had something special" Jack joked as he; Robyn and Lofty teamed up and threw a load of snowballs at Ethan, Cal and Lockie.

"See Ethan I told you you were a target!" Lockie shouted as he threw some more snow.

The fight went on for a good half an hour before Connie came out and ordered everyone back to work, except Ethan who she allowed to stay out to build a snowman with Lockie and Cal. With a lot of care and time spend building, the snowman ended up being as tall as Cal. It was such a lovely moment; one Lockie had waited a lifetime for but his imagination never imagined it being this good. Although this was for Lockie, Cal and Ethan were enjoying the snowman building just as much if not ever so slightly more than the ten year old. Lockie was happy to see his two brothers so happy. Although Ethan had been dragged into work, Christmas Eve in Holby still lived up to all Lockie's expectations.

Ethan placed his scarf around the snowman's neck.

"He needs a hat" Lockie stated looking up at the snowman, Cal pulled off Lockie's hat and handed it to him.

"Put your hood up though" he told him and gave him a smile.

"This is the best Christmas ever!" Lockie announced as Ethan put the boy's hood up and picked him up to crown the snowman with his bobble hat.

Ethan placed him back down and Lockie kneeled down to pack around the bottom of the snowman with the last remaining snow to ensure it wouldn't topple over. Ethan fixed the features of the snowman's face that they had made out of stones from the peace garden whilst Cal appeared from the peace garden with two similar looking sticks in his hands.

"Got his arms!" Cal called as he made his way over.

Ethan continued fixing the snowman to make sure their snowman was the best ever made or the best he could make it anyway. As he continued to fix the snowman which had now become his pride and joy he noticed snow at the bottom was a different colour, it was only when he kneeled down to get a better look could he see that it was red.

"How did you do that Lockie?" He spoke out impressed, they had had an earlier conversation about whether or not they think food colouring would work to colour the snow to make rosy cheeks if they were to go into more detail with it. It was when he saw Lockie run straight for Cal, a red trial being left in the snow as he ran, did he realise this was far from food colouring; it was blood.

"What's wrong?" Cal asked as he dropped his sticks and kneeled down before the boy who had his hands covering his face. Cal pulled his hands away to find blood was pouring from his nose, "okay matey I've got you" Cal spoke calmly as Lockie suddenly went weak and stumbled into his arms, Cal picked him up and shot a glance at Ethan who was stood frozen hoping to God this wasn't happening now.

"Yeah we need to get him inside" Cal told him as he rushed to the doors carrying his little brother in his arms.

"Get him straight through to RESUS Caleb!" Ethan called after him frantically, following him through the doors.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! I sorry to have left you on such a cliff hanger but here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

Home for the holidays – Chapter eleven

"Can I get some help in here please?!" Ethan shouted as Cal burst through the doors to RESUS with Lockie in his arms, Ethan whipped on his stethoscope as he followed them into the room.

Cal put him down gently on a free bed, "Lockie?" He called as he noticed the boy had become completely weak, "Lockie!" He shouted as he shook his limp body, tears poured from his eyes as he held his little brother.

Ethan stepped in between Cal and Lockie and pressed his stethoscope on the boy's chest, his hands were shaking, his eyes were tear-filled, "he's breathing" he stated with a sigh of relief, they thought that was it...  
Ethan opened up each of Lockie's eyes and flashed his torch in them, "um, pupils responding normally" he stated, he couldn't think of what to do next, his mind went completely blank, "can I get some help over here?!" He shouted his voice cracking as he did so; the pressure was getting to him. Cal was at Lockie's other side stood over him protectively; he would not leave his side.

"Lockie?" Ethan called as he noticed the boy's eyes started to flicker open, "It's Ethan Lockie, can you hear me?" He asked, he placed his hand in his, "squeeze my hand if you can hear me" he did so lightly, "that's it buddy" Ethan smiled as tears traced his cheeks, "we're going to help you okay Lockie? Just stay calm for me but stay with us okay?"

"Ethan" Connie called as she rushed in and made her way over instantly; her heels clipping on the ground as she did so, Zoe Dylan and Charlie made their way in after her. "What happened?" She asked as she started examining the boy.

"We were building a snowman and he, he had a nose bleed, and then he went all floppy, but he's ill Connie-" Connie cut Cal's emotional rambling off.

"I know" she spoke sadly, "right first things first we need to get his temperature down its far too high, if it stays this high he'll have a seizure" she ordered, "right everyone this is Lachlan Wolfe, he's ten years old and he has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia, he's been in partial remission for about two months but unfortunately as you can see isn't feeling very great at the moment, but we're going to fix that" Connie announced to everyone and smiled reassuringly down at the boy as Zoe placed an oxygen mask on his face.

"And, I, have, a bucket, list" Lockie whispered breathlessly.

"You'll have to tell me all about it" Connie replied with a smile as she continued to work.

"Hi Lachlan I'm Doctor Hanna, but you can call me Zoe, I think we've met before" she smiled, "is it okay if I take off this thick jumper and we can get you in a hospital gown? We really need to get this temperature of yours down" she asked, Lockie nodded slowly and allowed her to pull off his jumper, "Do you always get this hot Lachlan?" Zoe asked as she placed the oxygen mask back on his face.

"You, can, call, me Lockie" he replied flashing a smile through his mask.

"Lockie then" Zoe smiled.

"I, get, hot at night, sometimes" Lockie informed her.

"Night sweats is a common symptom of Leukaemia" Dylan stated, hands on hips.

"Yes Dylan we know that" Zoe rolled her eyes.

"Come here Lockie" Cal called as he pushed past Dylan and took hold of his brother's hand, "you're going to be okay alright matey?" He smiled though tears still traced his cheeks.

Lockie looked up at his brother, "Why, are you, crying?" he asked concerned, it always scared him seeing Cal cry; he knew something was definitely wrong when Cal cried.

"Don't worry about me kiddo" Cal smiled as he brushed some of Lockie's hair out of his eyes.

"Cal can you give him some space?" Zoe asked politely.

"No I'm staying with him" Cal protested.

"Yes okay fine but just step back Doctor Knight, you hovering over him isn't helping anyone!" Dylan stated.

"No!" Cal snapped.

"Caleb..." Ethan stepped in.

Lockie's breathing began to get hard again; his hand dropped out of Cal's as he became weak once more.

"What's- happening?" Lockie slurred as he closed his eyes once more.

"Lockie?!" Cal called in horror.

The doctors rushed around the boy as Cal stepped back in shock, the world seemed to slow for a moment, he looked around at the world around him and he couldn't believe this was happening; it all felt so wrong. Time went back to normal suddenly as he noticed Ethan directing words in his way.

"...Mum" Cal muttered as he pulled out his phone and placed it to his ear, he brushed past Ethan and made his way to the door as he spoke.

"Mum it's me, not really no, it's Lockie he's took a turn for the worst, we're at the hospital..." His voice disappeared as he left.

Ethan watched as Cal left and then turned to look at the boy who lay in the hospital bed. He too was filled with the emotion of how wrong this all felt, just a few minutes ago they were having fun, they were happy and now, now the feelings they were filled with couldn't get more opposite if they tried.

"His temperature is at 39 and it's not getting any lower, we really need to cool him" Zoe announced.

A few minutes had passed and Lockie was awake once again.

"She's on her way" Cal announced as he re-entered the room where everyone was still fussing around Lachlan; it pained him to see.

"He's becoming more responsive" Connie told him as he walked over.

"Good" Cal smiled, "Hey Lockie, you had me scared for a second then" Cal attempted to joke though it was evidently clear the boy was far from out of the woods.

"Me too" Lockie mumbled in reply with a slight smirk. "We need to put the arms on the snowman" He told him.

"We will don't worry" Cal smiled sadly and shot a glance at Ethan, "we can even make a snow-woman for the snowman if you like? Get him a girlfriend" he suggested.

"So he's not lonely" Lockie agreed.

"Yeah, and we'll get her arms too" Cal smiled as another tear escaped his eye.

"And we can make them a snow-dog for a pet" Lockie mumbled breathlessly.

"We can try" Cal smiled sadly. Within the seconds Cal watched as his brother's eyes rolled right to the back of his head, "Lockie?!" He yelled as his body started to shake violently.

"I knew this would happen!" Connie yelled as everyone jumped into action; they rolled him over into the recovery position and held him down for protection as he encountered a seizure.

"You're going to be okay little buddy, you're going to be okay" Cal sobbed as he rested his head against Lockie's bed as everyone held him down. Zoe gave Ethan a nod and he gently pulled Cal away from his brother's bed and out of the room.

"Caleb..." Ethan spoke softly.

"I can't do this Ethan, I can't lose him" Cal cried as he crumbled into Ethan.

"I know" he whispered as he wrapped his arms around him, "I know". Never in his life had he felt Cal hold him so tight.

"We all knew this day would come, why is it hitting me so hard?" He whimpered, his voice was muffled as he buried his face into Ethan's shoulder.

"We live in hope even though we know it will end in tears" Dylan's voice spoke out from behind them as he hurried out of the room.

"Nothing could ever prepare you for this Cal" Ethan stated sadly.

Ethan felt Cal lift his head out of his shoulder and his tight grip release, "Mum?" He whimpered, he let go of Ethan and ran straight for her; throwing his arms around her. Ethan stepped back awkwardly as he watched. They were the most beautiful family he had ever seen, all tall, all blonde haired, blue eyed, slim, all had golden tanned skin they didn't look real, they could all easily pass for models but then as he saw Cal approach them he realised just how much he fit in. The younger boy at his mother's side _"that must be Rube"_ Ethan thought to himself, the way he had been described to him caused him to think the boy would be as ugly as his personality but boy was he wrong. This boy was the definition of beauty; he was the tallest, just slightly taller than Cal by a few Locks of his messy but still perfectly fine looking beach blonde hair which contrasted perfectly with his deep blue eyes, his face - though currently etched with a slight look of worry - was defined with a high cheekbone structure and a jaw line that was as sharp as a butter knife, his eyebrows were thick but he still looked fine. His clothes were messy, probably due to the fact they had to rush in but you could still make out his muscles through his leather jacket. Ethan watched as Louise and Robyn's jaws dropped as they looked the boy in and down clearly impressed by what they had seen. Ethan on the other hand didn't feel impressed, he felt small - in both ways - he felt useless, but most of all he felt jealous. Why was Cal given a second family when Ethan had lost everyone he had ever known and ever loved? Seeing Cal's new 'perfect' family made Ethan realise how much he didn't fit in with them, and how thankful Cal must've been to find them and get away from Ethan...

"Caleb" his mother smiled with tear-filled eyes, "oh don't cry my son" she whispered as she held him in front of her and wiped his tears from his cheeks, "I'm so proud of you Caleb, you've done amazingly okay? Lockie loves the bones of you and you know it" she kissed him on the forehead.

Cal smiled at her sadly and turned to the man at her side who must've been his dad; they didn't speak to each other they just hugged. Cal hadn't given Rube even so much as a glance, and neither had Rube him, he just looked at Lockie through the RESUS door.

"Um" Cal cleared his throat as he composed himself, "you can't go in there yet" he sniffed.

Ethan saw his opportunity to step in, he had to push his emotions aside and be there for Cal and Lockie, and their family too, that's the type of person Ethan is, "I can show you to the relatives room if you like?" he suggested softly.

"Oh, this is Ethan my brother, Ethan this is my mum, dad and younger brother Rube" Cal introduced him as he pushed him in front of them.

"Oh aren't you gorgeous? I've always wanted a little brown-eyed baby, that obviously wasn't going to happen with us though, now was it?" She joked to her husband.  
"I'd be a bit worried if you popped out a little brown-eyed baby" he laughed slightly with Cal.

Ethan stood awkwardly in front of her, "Oh Ethan come here" she smiled as she pulled him in for a hug, Cal gave her _a look_ , "I know you don't like hugs but I do and so you'll have to get used to it" she joked as she pulled away from him, Ethan laughed but he looked uneasy, not sure how to react to it all, "Your brother has told us so much about you, he never shuts up really" She told him.

"Mum!" Cal rolled his eyes and looked at Ethan embarrassed, Ethan looked at Cal impressed; he didn't think Cal would waste his time talking about him.

"It must be so hard losing everyone so young, I remember when I lost my mum, it was the worst time in my life...well except for all this with Lockie and the cancer, but Ethan you are welcome in our family whenever you like okay? I'm not saying you have to change your name to Wolfe but if you ever need a mum to run to I'm here" she smiled.

Ethan was speechless, how could he reply to that? "Wow, thank you, that's-that's really nice" he stuttered.

"Hiya kid" Cal's dad shook hands with him, "thanks for making our Lockie smile, he speaks wonders of you on Skype. I hear you took him to see Peter Pan?" he asked.

"Oh yes, he really did love it" Ethan smiled. He then looked over at Ruben, and made his way over, reminding himself in his head to call him Rube and not Ruben or he'll, to quote Lockie "beat the crap" out of him like he does everyone.

"Hi Rube, I'm Ethan" He smiled and held out his hand for him to shake.

The younger boy hadn't taken his eyes off his brother lying in the room since the moment he showed, he ignored Ethan completely.

Cal's parents exchanged knowingly glances as if they were used to the boy being so rude, "Rube!" Cal called angrily snapping him from his thoughts.

"What?" Rube snapped giving Cal a snarl.

"Ethan's talking to you." Cal muttered.

Rube took his snarl off Cal and threw it at Ethan instead, "What?" He snapped at Ethan this time looking down at him.

"I just wanted to introduce myself" Ethan smiled politely as he held out his hand once more.

"Me Rube. You Ethan. Savvy?" He muttered treating Ethan as if he were stupid. Ethan scoffed slightly and nodded slowly as he put his hand back down; he didn't know why he expected anything more from the boy from what he'd heard of him.

"Rube watches your attitude alright? This isn't about you it's about your brother" His dad warned.

Rube's eyes shot back to Cal, "It's always about him." He spat out as he gave him daggers.

"No. Your other brother Rube, the one who's got a terminal illness, yeah remember him?" his father snapped.

Rube looked back through the doors at his little brother who the doctors were still frantically fussing around, "Ugh I'm going for a fag" he announced as he pulled out a cigarette and placed it between his lips as he lit it.

"You can't smoke that in here" Ethan told him sternly.

"That's why I said I'm _going_ for a fag" Rube replied as he toward over Ethan, he blew out some smoke in his face.

"Yet you're still stood here smoking." Ethan stated; he stood his ground.

"I would've been outside by now if you didn't start a lecture" Rube snapped.

"Just get out!" Cal yelled startling everyone though Rube didn't flinch. Cal stood protectively at Ethan's side.

Rube looked the pair of them up and down before he stormed off still with his cigarette placed between his lips.

"I'm sorry about him Ethan" Cal's mother apologised.

"It's fine" Ethan smiled, "Cal why don't you three go to the relatives room and I'll see if Lockie's ready for visitors" Ethan suggested and made his way back into RESUS.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello everyone! Here's today's chapter, I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

Home for the holidays – Chapter twelve

"Are you in any pain Lockie?" Charlie asked. The boy had come out of his seizure whilst Cal and Ethan were still outside the room with Cal's parents and Rube.

Lockie nodded slowly.

"Where?" Charlie asked.

"...Everywhere" Lockie mumbled.

"If you could rate it out of ten?" Charlie asked.

"Eight and a half" Lockie replied.

"That's quite high" Charlie stated, "I'll give you something for pain buddy, we want you to be as comfortable as you can be"

Ethan reluctantly made his way back into the room, he didn't want to find out any bad news but when Zoe looked up and flashed a smile he knew there wasn't any to hear.

"He's back with us" she told him.

"Great" Ethan replied as he reached Lockie's bed, "hey buddy" he smiled down at him.

"Hi Nibbles" Lockie replied.

"How are you feeling?" Ethan asked.

"Weird and sore" Lockie replied.

"That's only normal" Ethan reassured him.

"Can you pass me my backpack?" Lockie asked.

"Here" Ethan smiled as he handed it to him.

Lockie slowly opened it up and rummaged about in it, he pulled out his comfort blanket, some chocolate, his bucket list and a pen.

"I don't think you should eat that Lockie, just in case you have to stay nil by mouth for some reason" Ethan told him softly.

"You can have it" Lockie smiled and handed it to him, "right" he sighed as he opened up his bucket list, "Make a real snowman, done. Have a real Christmas (decorate a tree), done. Try real fish and chips, done. Build a den, done. Stay up all night watching movies, done!" Lockie grinned as he ticked each one off.

Ethan had tears brimming in his eyes once more, "wow you've got a lot done haven't you?" He smiled.

"Yep, but I've still got loads more to do!" Lockie replied enthusiastically, "when I get out of here and back home to Australia I can defo finish it all off" he continued, Ethan smiled sadly at the boy's words.

"I don't think you'll be getting out of here to go back home" Dylan spoke out without much thought; much like Dylan always did. Ethan have him daggers.

Lachlan's smile dropped, "What do you mean?" He whimpered.

"What I said" Dylan shrugged, "has Connie not told you?" He asked, "We'll have to start you back on chemotherapy" he said.

"What?" Lockie looked mortified, "but my hair has only just grown back to normal" he stated, "can't I have chemo at home?"

"Need I say it again? Brutal honesty is important here...You probably won't make it home" Dylan told him again.

"I think what Dylan means by that is that a 24 hour flight might be a bit too long for your body to handle at the moment, but hey you are welcome to stay at mine for however long you want" Ethan told him, "Excuse me a second" he smiled at Lockie and pulled Dylan to one side.

"What do you think you are you doing?" He snapped protectively.

"My job" Dylan replied uninterested as he continued to write in Lockie's notes.

"No" Ethan spat out, he snatched the notes from Dylan's hands go gain his full attention, "it's not your job to petrify little kids Dylan, you've just told him he won't make it out of hospital-" Dylan cut him off.

"Which is the truth, people sugar coat the truth too much these days and get patient's hopes up, if that kid makes it home I'll eat my hat" He stated confidently.

Ethan shook his head, "No, there must be something we can do Dylan" he sighed.

"We can make him comfortable and try and help stop the cancer from spreading, that's it. We're Doctor's Nathan, not miracle workers" Dylan took his notes from Ethan's hands and walked out of the room.

"It's Ethan" Ethan mumbled under his breath as he left.

Just as Ethan turned to go back over to Lockie Zoe made her way over, "Right Ethan, because Lockie had a seizure we've decided it would be for the best to check to see if the cancer has spread anywhere else like God forbid his brain, but it's highly unlikely and we're almost certain the seizure was because of his high temperature anyway but it would be for the best just to be on the safe side" she explained.

"Is there a safe side anymore?" Ethan asked helplessly as he looked over at the boy lying in the hospital bed.

"Let's not lose hope yet" Zoe smiled, "I think we should do a spinal tap" she told him, "Obviously we'll wait to check it's safe, we don't want him having another seizure" she said.

"I'm not the person you should be telling, I'll go and get his mum" Ethan replied and made his way to the door but Zoe followed.

"We haven't got enough time Ethan, we're going to do the lumbar puncture here and we're going to do it now" Zoe replied and turned for Lockie's bed.

"Right well then put him under anaesthetic I don't want him in any more pain" Ethan told her.

"Ethan his body isn't strong enough for that" Zoe replied.

"I don't want him being in pain." Ethan stood his ground.

"If we put him under he might not wake up again" She informed him lowering her voice, Ethan nodded slowly, "I'm going to use a local anaesthetic instead" she told him and they made their way over to Lockie.

"Okay..." Ethan prepared himself, "Lockie" he said as he stood at his side.

"What's happening?" The boy asked.

"This might be painful okay? But it's for the best" Ethan explained.

"Are they putting the needle in my back again?" Lockie whimpered.

"Yes..." Ethan replied warily.

"No I've had before Ethan please don't let them do it, it really hurts" Lockie cried.

"Okay shh, it's okay buddy don't cry, I'm going to be here the whole time okay?" Ethan tried to reassure the frightened child but he shook his head. "Come on, the Lockie I know is much braver than this" Ethan smiled, "and look they're going to numb around your back so you shouldn't feel too much pain" he told him.

"That's what they said last time" Lockie whimpered, he took a few seconds to prepare himself before he looked up at Zoe with tear-filled eyes "okay" he sniffed. Ethan, Zoe and Charlie helped move Lockie so he was lying on his side for the procedure.

"Okay Lockie you'll feel a sharp scratch" Zoe informed him as she injected the local anaesthetic into his lower back.

"Ouch" Lockie whimpered as the anaesthetic needle was placed in his back, he squeezed his eyes tight and tears fell from them. Ethan took hold of the boy's hand and held it tight.

A few minutes later Zoe announced that she was going to start the procedure, Ethan winced as though the needle was being put in his back.

"Ow!" Lockie cried as the needle was plunged into his back, he almost shot off the bed with the pain.

"Lockie, it's important you stay very still okay?" Charlie told him softly.

"I don't want to be sick anymore Ethan it hurts too much" Lockie cried as he wriggled about, the pain brought him too much discomfort.

Ethan held him still as much as he could, "I don't want you to sick either" he spoke sincerely.

"Please hurry Zoe" Lockie cried.

"I'll try my best Lockie, I'm sorry to have to put you through this" Zoe replied.

The boy still continued to cry, it physically hurt Ethan seeing him like this, it hurt him more knowing he couldn't do anything to help; he was a doctor that was his job. He desperately thought of ways to take his mind off things, "Hey hey look don't cry your mum is just outside" Ethan told him.

"What?!" Lockie called excitedly as he tried to sit up suddenly to get a look out of the window.

"Woah!" Zoe shouted as she held the needle in his back.

"Lockie don't move!" Ethan shouted as he guided him back down, "is everything okay?" he asked Zoe.

"Luckily yes" Zoe sighed obviously annoyed.

Ethan let out a shaky breath; he just wanted this all to be over as much as Lockie did.

"Lockie you have to stay still, one wrong move from this needle and it can paralyse you do you understand?" she was now the one being brutally honest.

"I'm sorry" Lockie cried, "is she really here?" he asked Ethan.

"Yep your mum, dad and Rube. They're with Cal in the relative's room" Ethan told him forcing out a smile, though it was so hard for him to smile at a time like this.

"Have I been in here a whole day?" Lockie asked confused.

"No" Ethan chuckled slightly.

"But how did they get here that fast?" Lockie asked.

"Must be the magic of Christmas" Ethan winked.

"Maybe Santa is real!" Lockie replied bewildered, "Ethan it really hurts" he whimpered.

"I know, but you're doing so well Lockie, you're amazing" Ethan told him, "hmm what can we talk about?" he asked.

"Peter Pan!" Lachlan spat out excitedly.

"Okay let's talk about that" Ethan smiled.

"The panto was the best thing ever" Lockie spoke through his pain; his face wincing.

"It was great" Ethan agreed.

"And Tinkerbell _was_ hot, you have to admit it" Lockie stated.

Zoe and Charlie exchanged smiles as they listened to the boy. Ethan stayed quiet.

"Come on Ethan, she was super hot" he pushed.

"Okay yes! I'll admit she was a bit of a looker, happy now?" Ethan admitted, his face going bright red the second he said it.

"Yes" Lockie laughed, "I knew you liked her" he giggled.

Charlie smiled knowingly at Ethan.

"Okay Lockie almost done" Zoe told him, "after that you can see your parents and get some rest whilst we wait for the results okay?" she proposed.

"Okay, I'm really sorry for moving Zoe, it just hurts a lot" Lockie told her.

"Right, you're all done" she smiled as she put a dressing on his back.

"Thank god" Lockie sighed.

"Lockie you are so so brave" Ethan smiled as he wiped the boy's tears away, "I'll just go and get your mum, dad and Rube okay?" he told him.

"And Cal!" Lockie called after him,

"And Cal" Ethan smiled and left. He let out a breath he hadn't even realised he was holding in as he left the room; he'd never wanted to get out of RESUS this quickly in his life.

He stopped outside of the relative's room and took in a deep breath before he opened the door and walked in; he was surprised to see Rube had joined the rest of family, he wasn't surprised to see him and Cal sat as far away from each other as the room would allow. All eyes shot up at him instantly as he made his way in; desperately awaiting him new, "Hi, um, you can go through to see him now, he's a bit worn out, he's just had a lumbar puncture, but he's fine" Ethan explained to them.

"What?!" Cal stood up instantly, "why didn't you get me?!" He shouted angrily.

"Zoe was already starting it, there wasn't any time to get you, and somebody had to be there" Ethan explained.

"Yeah and that somebody should've been me!" Cal snapped.

"Caleb..." His mother warned as she stood up, "thank you for being there Ethan, I'm sure Lockie appreciates it too" she stroked his shoulder and left with her husband and Rube who flashed a slight smile at him before he left.

Cal held his head down "I'm sorry" he muttered, now seeing Ethan had made the right decision to stay with his little brother rather than leave him whilst the procedure started.

"It's fine" Ethan shrugged in reply.

"How was he?" Cal asked.

"Fine" Ethan lied; he didn't want to worry him by telling the truth.

"Ethan you're a terrible liar" Cal looked at him knowingly.

Ethan looked at him warily before he sighed, "...Oh Cal it was one of the worst things I've had to sit through, he was in so much pain it was horrible, usually I'm the Doctor doing my job but then, then I couldn't do anything to help him except hold his hand and talk to him it was horrible. He's okay now though he just wants you and his parents" he admitted.

"Thanks" Cal smiled at him gratefully as he left, "are you coming with?" he asked looking over his shoulder at him.

Ethan shook his head, "I'll be through later on" he told him, Cal nodded and left. Ethan had other intentions in mind; he had some research to do, but before he did so he finally allowed his emotions that he had to keep under control with Lockie, Cal and his family to overpower him. He sunk down into the couch and held his head in his hands as he cried; he felt incredibly worn out and emotionally drained because of the entire ordeal.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello everyone! Early update today, if I can I might get another chapter up tonight but I can't promise...I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter thirteen

Cal's parents made their way to RESUS, Cal walked alongside his mother and Rube traced behind. As they entered the room they noticed Lockie was sleeping.

"Oh my little baby look at him!" Her mother called in worry as she reached Lockie's bed, "he looks so small" she cried as she stroked his hair.

Cal gave her a hug as she cried.

"No you know our Lockie, he's a fighter, he'll get through this, he always does" his father spoke out positively.

"He's never looked this bad" she whispered.

"Dad's right mum, let's stay positive okay?" Cal smiled.

Cal's father made his way over to Rube who stood at the edge of Lockie's bed watching the sleeping boy with frightened eyes, "are you okay son?" He asked as he put an arm around him. Rube remained frozen, his eyes still on Lockie as if he hadn't even noticed his father try to make conversation with him, "Rube?" He asked snapping him back into the room.

"Um?" He asked as he tore his eyes off his brother to look at his dad, "yeah I'm fine, get off, there's no need to-" he cut himself off as he shrugged off his father's arm that he had placed around him. He stepped back away from his dad, placed his hands in the pockets of his jeans and looked down, "so um, what are we waiting for? Test results?" He asked shooting a glance at Zoe.

"Yeah that's right" she smiled, her mind wondering as she got lost in the boy's eyes, this was an effect Rube had on practically every girl, no matter the age.

"For what?" He shrugged.

"Oh, um" she snapped back into the room, "Lachlan had a seizure earlier on, now we think it was because of his high temperature but it could be a sign that the cancer has spread beyond the bloodstream and entered the nervous system, we ran a lumbar puncture test that" she explained, Cal and his parents nodded along.

"And what if it has?" Rube asked.

Zoe gave him a sympathetic look; she didn't have to reply Rube got the gist. He just nodded and looked back over at Lockie.

"Actually the results should be ready by now, I made sure he was at the top of the list, I'll go chase them for you" she smiled.

Rube suddenly looked uneasy, "I think I'll give Vicky a call, see if she's nearby" he announced and pulled out his phone.

"I've just texted your sister Rube, they're still on the highway, they'll be a few hours yet" his mother told him.

"Bringing lover boy is she?" Rube asked.

"They were coming from London to spend Christmas with us, of course he's coming along" his mother replied.

"I'll give her a call anyway" he shrugged.

"Just leave it Rube, you're here to spend time with Lockie" his father stated.

"Mum?" Lockie's small voice called.

"Hello sweetheart" she smiled at him.

Lockie tried to sit himself up, wincing as he did so, "Lockie take it easy yeah?" Cal told him as he helped him sit up.

"Come here" she whispered as Lockie threw his arms around her and held her tight.

"I've missed you mum" he whimpered.

"I've missed you too my son" she replied.

"I love you so much" his voice muffled by her embrace.

"We love you too" she smiled as she pulled away from him.

"Look how brave you are kiddo" his father smiled as he gave him a hug.

"Hi Rube!" He called excitedly.

"Hey buddy" Rube smiled.

"Can we have a game of chess later?" He asked him.

"Of course" Rube replied.

"Guess what!" Lockie called excitedly.

"What?" Everyone but Cal asked simultaneously.

"I've found someone who can beat me at chess!" He announced.

"Who?!" His father asked enthusiastically.

"Ethan!" Lockie told them.

"Ah that's great! Did you tick it off?" Rube asked, he too knew his brother's bucket list off by heart.

"Of course!" Lockie grinned.

Ethan made his way in quickly with his head buried into an iPad, "Cal, a word?" He asked quietly.

"Later Ethan" Cal replied; he wanted to spend as much time with the poorly boy as he could.

"No now" Ethan replied sternly.

"Ethan, I heard you beat our Lockie at chess" their father announced.

"Oh yes, that's right" Ethan smiled as he looked up, "it took a lot of work though" he added.

"Oh! I've got to start chemo again Rube; can I have your magic hat to wear again?" Lockie asked.

"Yeah here you go" Rube smiled, he pulled out a black bobble hat from his back pocket and tossed it to the boy.

"Cool" Lockie grinned and placed it on his head.

Cal smiled as he watched his youngest brother.

"Cal..." Ethan urged.

"Okay I'm coming" Cal sighed and made his way over just as Zoe re-entered.

"Right I've got his results" she announced.

"I'm going out for a fag" Rube announced and hurried to the door.

"Rube!" Ethan called after him.

"Don't worry I'll light it outside" Rube called as he left.

Ethan and Zoe exchanged confused glances.

"Right, I'm pleased to let you know that the results show that there aren't any leukaemia cells in the cerebrospinal fluid" Zoe told them with a smile.

"Oh good" their mother smiled and gave Lockie a kiss on the head, his father high-fived him.

"I mean of course unfortunately Lockie is still extremely far from out of the woods but, it gives us one less thing to worry about at least. Like we said earlier we'll get you moved upstairs and we'll start you back on chemotherapy..."

Ethan sneaked his way out of the room whilst everyone listened intently to Zoe's explaining. He walked out to the car park where he found Rube leaning back against the wall with a cigarette in his mouth. He made his way over warily.

"Hi Ruben" he smiled.

Rube looked at him quickly and then ran his hand over his face as if he were wiping away tears.

"It's Rube, not Ruben." He sniffed, his voice sounded defeated.

"Sorry..." Ethan replied warily, "Look I can tell what it must have been like for you, you've been pushed aside, you put on a front like you don't give a damn in the world but really you're frightened, every inch of you is and that's only natural. Lockie told me about how close you two were before the cancer kicked in and he hates how distant you've become, but I get it, sometimes it's easier to distance yourself from someone or something you could lose because you think it will hurt less when they go, right? Let me tell you it hurts twice as much Rube...all I'm saying is use your time wisely" Ethan advised.

"His results..." Rube stated.

"They were clear" Ethan told him.

Rube nodded, he placed his cigarette back between his lips and took a long drag.

"But he's still seriously ill Rube" he told him.

"Is he going to die?" Rube asked as he blew out some smoke.

Ethan couldn't reply, no one knew the answer to that, he just held his head down.

Rube nodded once more and looked across the car park, "is that a pub?" He asked, his voice shaking slightly.

Ethan looked at him knowingly, "Rube..." He spoke warily.

"Is it a pub?!" The boy snapped.

"Yes The Hope and Anchor, it's the pub all the staff go to after shift" Ethan told him.

"Great" Rube took one last drag of his cigarette and flicked it to the ground before he pushed his body off the wall and turned for the pub.

"Rube!" Ethan called stopping him in his tracks, "your family need you, now more than ever, please just bare that in mind" he asked.

Rube turned round to face him but still continued to walk, "Oh it's fine don't worry, they've always got Caleb" he shrugged as he head across to the pub.

Ethan sighed deeply, he debated following him but he figured he couldn't physically force the boy to do the right thing. He turned and made his way back inside; he had news for Cal that was much more important.

As Rube reached the pub he turned to find Ethan had gone. He looked up at the pub and then walked around the corner of it; out the way of people. He thought back over everything and all of a sudden he felt tears building in his eyes, his chin started to wobble, he swallowed hard and closed his eyes to stop the tears from falling but it didn't help, they poured down his cheeks and he gave in, he slid down the wall, bringing his knees up to his chest and held his head in his hands as he sobbed into them.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi everyone! Here's today's chapter, I hope you enjoy! You know how much I love hearing your thoughts and so please let me know them on this chapter as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter fourteen

Ethan made his way back into the hospital where he found Cal in the queue for the shop by reception.

"Caleb" He called as he stood beside him catching off guard.

"Jesus Ethan!" Cal snapped in fright.

"Sorry..." Ethan replied and pulled out his iPad once more.

"What was it you wanted to talk about? And make it quick I've got to get this magazine back to Lockie" Cal told him.

"Right, well, I've been doing some research on leukaemia and-" Cal cut him off.

"Oh Ethan do you really think there's a thing I don't know about his condition?" he asked as he paid the cashier.

Ethan tilted his head, "Yeah okay but, I was focusing on treatment-" Cal cut him off again.

"Ethan you're wasting your time okay, it's nice that you're thinking of him but give it a rest yeah? We've tried everything" Cal told him as they left the shop; Cal walked ahead slightly.

"I know but, Caleb!" Ethan called as he followed him.

"What?" Cal sighed as he stopped.

"Just hear me out" Ethan told him and held up the iPad, "Right, he's had chemo, obviously that worked for a bit but not fully, there's also radiotherapy, I'm not sure if they've tried that with him..." His voice trailed off as he looked up at Cal's impatient gaze, he gave him a nod, "Okay he's had that, well there are plenty other options..." Ethan told him as he flicked through the pages of his iPad, Cal sighed impatiently, "There was something I saw, just bear with me..." Ethan spoke frantically and continued his search.

"Ethan..." Cal sighed.

"Here!" Ethan spat out and held up his iPad, "bone marrow and stem cell transplants" he stated as he pointed to the screen.

Cal rolled his eyes.

"It replaces damaged blood cells with healthy ones, the thing is, the transplant is more successful if it is taken from someone with the same or similar tissue type and so-" Cal cut him off.

"Yeah I know about it, they looked into it when he first got diagnosed but they couldn't do it" he told him.

"Why? A brother or a sister is the perfect match for it-" Cal cut him off again.

"I suggested it to mum and dad once but they told me not to bring it up again" Cal informed him, Ethan looked at him confused, Cal arched his neck to talk to him quietly, "apparently Rube stepped up to do the transplant but he wasn't healthy enough because of the drinking and smoking so they couldn't do it" Cal told him.

"Ah..." Ethan replied understandingly, he suddenly felt even more sympathy towards Rube, no wonder he acted the way he did; the only thing he could do to help he couldn't do.

"There's nothing else we can do Eth, no matter how much it hurts" Cal told him and turned to walk away.

"No Caleb wait!" Ethan called stopping him once more, "...what if, just what if...Lockie had more than one sibling willing to do the transplant..." Ethan suggested.

"Well Vicky was down in London for uni at the time-" Ethan cut him off.

"Cal do I have to spell it out for you?! What about you?" Ethan asked stunned at Cal's stupidity, "You're his blood brother right?" He shrugged.

Realisation grew over him suddenly, "Is it not too late?" Cal asked.

"I'm no oncologist but, is it ever too late to try and save a life?" Ethan shrugged.

Cal's face lit up, "I'll mention it to them when he gets moved upstairs, I can't believe I didn't think of this before" he laughed slightly.

"Are you sure you're up for it though Caleb? This isn't just giving Lockie treatment, you'll be in hospital too for a while you know that right?" Ethan told him softly.

"I'd do anything for that boy Ethan" He replied determinately.

"Right come on then, we'll go to the staffroom and do some bone marrow and stem cell transplant research" Ethan proposed and the pair of them left with smiles on their faces; at last they felt like they were doing something to help.

They sat in the staffroom; Ethan with his head buried into his iPad, Cal with his head buried into Ethan's laptop for a good while researching everything they could on bone marrow and stem cell transplants. They managed to make normal conversation though most of it was all technical doctor talk, Ethan did however inform Cal of Rube slipping off to the pub which didn't seem to surprise Cal in the slightest.

"I haven't read this much since I was studying for my FCEMs" Cal announced as he shut the laptop and rubbed his eyes that were sore from staring at a screen for so long.

"This is nothing" Ethan shrugged as he wrote down in a notebook, coping something from his iPad.

"Oh yeah, this is your idea of fun isn't Nibbles? I forgot my brother was _this_ nerdy" Cal teased as he gave him a nudge causing Ethan to smudge his writing mid-sentence.

"Are you kidding me?!" Ethan snapped as he looked at his notes that now had a line of pen scribbled right across the page, though he couldn't help but laugh.

"It's alright your handwriting is terrible anyway" Cal smirked.

"Oh wow hitting me right where it hurts; my handwriting ability" Ethan replied sarcastically with a roll of his eyes causing Cal to chuckle, "Anyway yours is no better, it could easily pass for a five year old's writing..." Ethan stated as he picked up Cal's notes, "I mean, what does that even say?..." he paused as he attempted to read Cal's awful excuse for handwriting, "p-pepperoni? Meat feast and a...Pepsi? Cal- Are you writing a list of what to order for dinner?" Ethan asked shocked.

"See you can make it out!" Cal grinned as he pulled his notes out of Ethan's hands.

"Only because I've grew up having to put up with it, I should put 'can read gibberish' on my CV" Ethan joked, "It's nice to see you're taking this research as seriously as you did the research for your FCEMs too" Ethan spoke sarcastically.

"Actually, I've got four pages of research. That was just me hitting boredom mixed with hunger" Cal told him in his defence.

"Whatever" Ethan chuckled.

A comfortable silence fell amongst them for a slight moment before Cal spoke out, "I've missed this" he stated.

"Missed what? Revision?" Ethan asked shocked, "Can I have that in writing so I can use it against you in the future? Then again...no one would be able to make it out except me" He laughed to himself.

"Not revision you idiot, I just mean _this_...us spending time together, I mean we literally haven't really had a time with it just being us because of Lockie, not like I'm complaining but-" Ethan cut him off.

"No I understand" he agreed, "I've missed it too" he smiled but his smile dropped and his expression turned serious, "You know Caleb, I don't know whether it was just a force of habit but you called me your brother before..." he stated.

"And?" Cal asked confused.

"Well...I'm not" Ethan replied awkwardly.

"Well yeah we might not be blood brothers but we may as well be. Ethan we've grew up together, I've known you your entire life, God I remember singing to you in your pram with mum...yeah I might have a new family but that doesn't mean it's replaced my old one, I just see it as it's grown a bit. Lockie and Rube okay they're my brothers but I don't have the connection with them that I have with you, I've known them six months Eth it's hardly 29 years now is it? They're my brothers but they'll never be more a brother to me than you are, the same with mum, she'll never replace Matilda, she was the one who brought me up Ethan, the one who's been there my entire life, how could I replace her with someone I've known six months? I couldn't why do you think I still go by Knight?...I'm just about coping with Lockie being ill but God, Ethan if it was you I don't know what I'd do...I wouldn't cope at all that's what I'd do..." His voice trailed off, "I'm rambling" he stated.

"I don't mind" Ethan replied, "That's all I've wanted to hear Caleb, I thought I was being ridiculous for still referring to you as my brother" he admitted.

"Well maybe we're both just being ridiculous then" Cal shrugged, "What's new?" he smirked. He looked up at the clock to see two hours had passed, "Is that the time?!" He called in shock, "I told Lockie I was only going to the shop for his magazine" he rushed out of the staffroom, Ethan grabbed his iPad and followed him out but he stopped at reception.

"Cal! I'm getting moved upstairs now are you coming?" Lockie called from his bed that was waiting outside the lift with Connie and Cal's parents stood beside him.

"Of course I am, hey look I got you that magazine too, here" Cal smiled as he handed it to him.

"Thanks" Lockie grinned, "Where's Rube?" he asked.

Ethan and Cal exchanged knowing glances; "I'm not sure kiddo" he lied.

"Don't you dare walk away from me!" A familiar voice roared from the ED doors. Everyone turned to see where the voice was coming from, silence grew over reception suddenly as a man hurried right past Cal and Ethan; his face was covered in blood. They then turned to face the ED doors once more as Rube appeared with blood pouring from his nose.

"What? You think because you've ran in here I'm going to leave it eh? What do you think I am?! A wuss?!" Rube slurred as he stopped right next to Cal though he hadn't noticed, he had his tunnel vision on the man he'd obviously had a fight with outside.

"Rube..." Cal started warily as he looked from the man to Rube, "What's happened?" he asked.

Rube stood swaying back and forth drunkenly, "He's sitting there across the bar lookin' at me like I've got three heads, do you think I'm gonna sit there and take that eh?" He shouted at the man who looked petrified. His mum had to look away; she knew exactly where this was going, her husband put his arm around her.

"Look calm down, I'm sure he didn't mean to rattle your cage..." Ethan stepped in talking to Rube calmly.

"You can shut up in all you little four eyed know it all" Rube hissed.

"Don't you dare talk to him like that!" Cal shouted defensively.

But Rube didn't flinch; he kept his eyes on his opponent who held his hands up in defeat, "look I'm sorry, please I didn't want to start a fight; I've got kids" he told him, his voice shaking didn't help him hide his fear.

"Stating random facts about ourselves now are we? Hmm, let's see, I've been boxing for 8 years, I get paid to knock people out in front of crowds so don't be thinking I won't be willing to do it here for free" Rube threatened as he stumbled toward the man.

"Rube stop! Please!" Lockie cried from his bed.

"Rube you're drunk, just leave it yeah?" Cal suggested as he pulled him back but Rube just pushed him back off him.

"He's mental!" The man shouted over to Cal and Ethan.

"Nah, you throw one punch and then run away? You're the mental one mate" Rube scoffed as he clenched his fists at his side and launched his right on at the man's face causing him to fall to the floor instantly; out cold. Everyone screamed as the man hit the floor.

"Woah woah that's enough!" Connie roared as she rushed to the man's aid, "Get Lockie back through to RESUS, we'll get him moved upstairs later I've got to deal with this man first" she told Cal who had Rube held back by the scruff of his neck. Cal nodded and pushed Rube back causing him to stumble backwards and hit the wall, he rested himself back against it and laughed drunkenly.

"You, through there with me now." Ethan pulled drunken Rube through to cubicles whilst Max hurried over with a wheelchair to Connie who was crouched down on the floor with the man Rube just knocked out trying to get him to re-gain consciousness.


	15. Chapter 15

**Happy New Year everyone, I hope this year is your best yet! This is my first post of 2016 here's to many more! I hope you enjoy this chapter, Rube is up to no good again, will that boy ever learn? Please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter fifth teen

"Wait in there I'm going to check if the man you've just knocked out is still breathing" Ethan ordered as Rube took a seat on the bed. Ethan walked over the nursing station where he saw Connie and Max with the man Rube had fought with, he was now awake and talking, Ethan let out a sigh of relief and made his way back to Rube's cubicle.

He opened to curtain to find Rube had passed out curled up on the bed, he debated leaving him whilst there was finally some peace and quiet but the doctor in him kicked in; he had to examine his nose.

"Rube" he called, the boy didn't budge, he was definitely testing Ethan's patience, "Ruben!" He shouted.

He stirred slightly, "...It's Rube" the boy slurred in reply still half-asleep.

"Sit up I need to sort out your nose" Ethan ordered.

"Ughh" Rube groaned and buried himself more into the hospital bed.

"Sit up now!" Ethan shouted impatiently.

"Fine!" Rube huffed and tried to lift his body so it was upright; as slowly as what was humanly possible. Ethan sighed impatiently and grabbed his arm to sit him up quicker; Rube shrugged him off forcefully.

"What were you thinking?!" Ethan asked as he examined Rube's face.

"When?" Rube asked confused as he rested his head back against the pillow.

Ethan sighed deeply and pulled his head forward so he could get a proper look at him, "When you started a fight with some random man!" he stated.

"Oh then!" Rube spoke in realisation, "I was thinking I'm not going to let some moron think he's better than me" he told him.

Ethan shook his head, "And now?" he asked.

"Now I'm happy I didn't let some moron think he's better than me" Rube announced proudly.

Ethan could help but laugh at the boy's immature way of thinking.

"What are you laughing at?" Rube snapped.

"You've got _a lot_ of growing up to do" Ethan told him as he tilted Rube's head up to face the light and moved in to get a closer look; the smell of alcohol coming from the boy turned his stomach.

"Says the doctor who's five foot nothing" Rube scoffed in his face.

"I meant mentally, not physically" Ethan replied.

"Whatever" Rube rolled his eyes and rested his head back against the pillow once more.

"How much have you had to drink?" Ethan asked.

"What's it to you?" The boy snapped defensively.

"You can barely string a sentence together" Ethan stated.

"The girls still love me though" Rube smirked.

"Oh I'm sure they do" Ethan rolled his eyes at the boy's smugness. Even with a busted nose the boy was still probably the most attractive person to walk the floors of Holby City hospital.

"I met one at the bar, she's gorgeous, I reckon you'll like her you know" Rube told him.

"Oh really?" Ethan replied uninterestedly.

"Yeah, she's from the north west of England apparently, she's come here to visit family for Christmas" Rube informed him.

"Nice" Ethan forced out a smile and pulled off his gloves.

"Yeah she said she lived down here for a bit you might know her" Rube said as he sat up and swung his legs off the edge of the bed.

"Unless she's made her way into the ED somehow I highly doubt that...right I'm going to get something to clear off this blood so we can see what we're really working with" Ethan told him and left the cubicle.

"Thanks doc!" Rube called mischievously after him and pulled out his phone as he left.

After gathering the things he needed, Ethan made his way back to Rube's cubicle. He opened the curtain and fiddled with a packet as he spoke "Right from examining you then there doesn't seem to be any damage except a small laceration to the bridge of your nose though the amount of blood would make it seem otherwise, the cut is more than likely off the man's wedding ring. I'll clear you up and-" he cut himself off when he looked up to find Rube sat in the same position as he left him in but he wasn't alone; he had a girl stood before him and had his lips on hers.

"Oh, sorry..." Ethan spoke out and looked awkwardly.

"Ethan?" A familiar voice asked shock evident in her tone.

Ethan looked up at Rube's companion to see she was far from a stranger, his jaw dropped in shock, "Honey!" he spat out.

Rube looked from both Ethan to Honey and then back to Ethan again, "Oh...do you two know each other?" he asked with a smirk.

Honey shot a glance at Rube and then back to Ethan, "Sorry, I'll just..." She rushed out of the cubicle embarrassed.

Ethan stood frozen in disbelief at what he'd just witnessed. That was Honey... _his_ Honey, well, not his Honey anymore but...God she looked gorgeous, may more beautiful than his memory gave her credit for.

"So..." Rube's mischievous voice snapped him out of his trial of thought and he slowly looked up at the boy, "How do you know little ol' Honey then?" he asked with a smile.

Ethan pulled on his gloves and walked around to treat him, "Like you don't know." He spoke through gritted teeth.

Rube ducked down to look into Ethan's eyes, "An ex? Wow I thought you were gay, Lockie told me about your pink living room and the gay receptionist that flirts with you and I just put two and two together I suppose" he spoke intimidating but Ethan was having none of it.

"You knew exactly who Honey was" Ethan spat out as he opened up the wipes.

"Okay, you got me!" Rube held up his hands, "I knew who she was the second she walked through the doors of the pub" he said lowering his voice to an almost threatening tone, "she's a bit young for you don't you think? What you're 29? And she's 22?" he asked.

Ethan took a deep breath and started to wipe the blood away that had dripped down by the boy's mouth and neck, "Aren't _you_ a bit young for her?" he asked.

"I'm nearly 19 that's what? 3 years difference, it's nothing" Rube shrugged, Ethan didn't reply he just kept on with his job, he now moved to the boy's nose and gently cleared around his cut, Rube continued to think of ways to anger him, "I'm quite happy though, I've bagged myself a stripper" He smiled. Ethan's blood boiled instantly, he put on a bit too much pressure around the wound than he should have professionally causing Rube to wince, "Ow!" he snapped as he pulled his face away.

"Sorry" Ethan muttered as he guided Rube's face back towards the light, he put down the blood covered wipes and picked up a Steristrip to help his cut closer over, "she was never a stripper she was an exotic dancer" Ethan told him in Honey's defence.

"Same guy different hat" Rube shrugged.

"Keep your head still please" Ethan told him as he concentrated on lining up the edges of the cut on Rube's nose, he then picked up the Steristrip with some tweezers, he carefully placed the strip over his cut; Rube winced as he worked but that didn't bother Ethan much at all, "Anyway. She that's long in her past now so..." Ethan told him as he pulled off his gloves.

"Do you think she still knows the moves? What was she like in the bedroom department eh Nibbles? Did you get yourself some VIP one on one stripper time? Or was she put off by the pink walls of your flat?" Rube spoke mischievously with a smirk as Ethan cleared everything away.

Ethan sighed angrily and spun around to face him, "Right! I've tried with you, I've tried to talk to you, to reason with you, to understand you but I can't. You know, I actually felt sorry for you but now, you've gone out of your way to get at me Rube and I give up with you!" he shouted and stormed out of the cubicle where he bumped right into someone; Honey. "Oh excuse me I didn't mean to..." his voice trailed off as he spoke to her

"...it's fine" she smiled as she looked deep into his eyes, they stayed like that for a few seconds before Honey brushed past him, "You two know each other?" she asked looking at Rube.

Ethan turned around to face Rube once more, "He's Cal's brother" he sighed.

"Cal? But...you're Cal's brother?" Honey asked confused.

Ethan looked at her awkwardly, "No, I'm not...he found out he was adopted, then he found his birth family and moved out to Australia to be with them, yeah a lot's changed since you've been gone" he explained.

She looked at him shocked, "Yeah a lot has changed, the last thing I heard was off my dad when he told me about Cal's daughter-" seeing Rube's jaw drop caused realisation to grow over Ethan suddenly, he shook his head frantically warning Honey to stop talking.

"Wait, Cal's what?!" Rube asked.

"Daughter? Matilda isn't it?" Honey looked at Ethan who held his head down.

A smile grew across Rube's face, "Oh wow I bet mum will be thrilled to hear this story, her precious little Caleb had a child out of wedlock" he stated.

"Your parents are religious?" Ethan asked. Rube nodded and pulled out a necklace that was tucked into his blood covered t-shirt and allowed it to fall in front of it; it was a crucifix. "That doesn't matter anyway; it's really not what it looks like honestly Rube you have to believe me" the tone in Ethan's voice practically begging the boy to believe him.

"We'll soon find out enough!" Rube announced and jumped down off his bed, he ran straight past Ethan and Honey and straight for RESUS, Ethan and Honey followed him.

He burst through the doors of RESUS where his family were. His parents were sat in chairs beside Lockie's bed and Cal was sat on the edge of Lockie's bed talking to him.

Everyone looked toward the drunken boy with disappointment evident on their faces except Lockie who couldn't hide his gleaming smile. "Rube guess what! Cal is going to do the stem cell transplant thingy for me, you know, the one you couldn't do? He could make me better Rube!" He announced excitedly and threw his arms around Cal.

Rube's face reddened suddenly, "Oh well isn't Cal a saint?" he spat out sarcastically.

"Rube maybe you should go somewhere to sober up before you do something you'll regret" Ethan told him and pulled him back but Rube pushed him off.

Cal stood up slowly, "What's going on?" he asked seeing the look on Ethan's face.

Ethan shook his head, "I'm sorry" he whispered, Cal looked at him confused and then at Honey who was stood at Ethan's side.

"Honey?!" He called in shock.

"Hi Cal" she replied with a smile.

Lockie's face lit up instantly thinking he'd finally gotten number forty on his list ticked off "Ethan are you and Honey back together?!" he called excitedly.

Ethan and Honey looked at each other and then took a step to the side so they weren't stood so close together, "...No Lockie" Ethan replied awkwardly.

"Nah buddy she's mine" Rube announced and pulled Honey into him by the waist. Ethan had to look away. Lockie's smile dropped.

"Is this true?" Cal asked.

"Yep" Rube grinned as he held her tight; she wriggled in his arms to be free.

Cal looked from Ethan who couldn't even bring himself to look in their direction and then back to Honey, "Honey you trust me right?" he asked her, she nodded, "Okay well then trust me when I say get out now, you don't want to get caught up with a waste of space like him, believe me." Cal told her, Honey nodded and dragged herself from Rube's grasp.

"What are you doing?!" He spat out.

"I'm sorry..." Honey replied and made her way to the door, giving Ethan a slight smile before she left.

"What you don't believe him surely?!" Rube called after her, "He's a proven liar!" He roared.

"Cal isn't a liar Rube take that back!" Lockie shouted from his bed.

Rube turned to face Lockie with a slight smile, "I wish I could kiddo, I really do" he spoke as he walked towards his bed, "But he's a liar and I can prove it" he gave Cal a glare and then looked to his mother who was sat looking confused at the entire ordeal, "I'm sorry mum but your precious Caleb isn't as great as you think he is, he's been lying to us the entire time" Rube told her.

"What are you getting at here?" Cal asked warily, his voice shaking slightly.

"One word" Rube stated, "Matilda."


	16. Chapter 16

**Happy Casualty day! I'm rushing to get this posted so I can watch tonight's ep, it's all about Cal what could be better? Hope you enjoy this chapter, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter sixteen

"Matilda? That's your adoptive mum isn't it Cal?" Lockie asked. Cal had his eyes fixed on Rube; if looks could kill Rube would be a goner, "Cal?" Lockie called.

"Yeah that's right buddy" Cal replied with a smile, he made his way towards the door, "mum, dad do you want a tea? I'll just go and-" Rube stepped in front of him stopping him in his tracks.

"Oh but mummy Matilda wasn't the only Matilda in your life now was she?" He spoke mischievously.

Cal gave him daggers.

Their father stood up and stepped in between them facing Rube, "Rube what are talking about son? Ignore him Caleb he's drunk, come on buddy let's get you some water eh? Try and sober you up" his father smiled and put and arm around him to lead him out.

"Your mother wasn't the only Matilda was she Cal?" Rube shouted as he brushed off his father's arm.

Cal looked around at the confused looks he was receiving from the rest of his family, "No, she- she um, wasn't no there was um-" he stuttered awkwardly.

"Your daughter" Rube nodded.

Just the thought of her brought tears to Cal's eyes, "...yeah, her" he held his head down.

"You've got a daughter?" his mother asked in shock, "Caleb?" she pushed when he didn't reply.

He looked up at her, "...Yeah mum I can explain" he started.

"I think you better had" Rube smirked.

"Where to start?" Cal asked and shot a glance at Ethan who shrugged awkwardly, "Okay let's just start by saying I haven't got a daughter, that seems like a good place to start" Cal cleared the air.

"I'm confused" Lockie stated.

"You and me both matey" Rube agreed.

Cal took a deep breath, "Okay, here goes...I fell in love with a girl called Taylor, Taylor Ashbie. I thought she was the one, I was ready to propose and everything I had a ring..." his voice trailed off and he looked over at Ethan again, "Mum's ring" he said, Ethan smiled at him sympathetically, "anyway she ran a charity for orphans in under privileged countries or something and she needed money, she asked me and I gave her some-" Ethan cut him off.

"Some?! You gave her £15k Caleb! And it was _my_ money!" he told him.

"Yeah and I said I'm sorry! It turns out she was a con-artist and she ran off with my- his, money. Ethan got her arrested though so I thought she was gone completely from my life, just as I started moving on she showed up a year later with a baby saying that it's mine...she left me with her and I didn't know what to do so I kept her and overtime I completely fell in love with her, she was the best thing to ever happen to me, she made me a better person" Cal smiled as he reminisced, "I got a bit carried away and bought her a cot and clothes and I even painted Ethan's living room pink...Ethan made me do a paternity test which I was okay with because I was so sure she was mine, anyway, she got really ill and I took her to hospital, it was the worst thing I've ever seen, she was fitting and I had to get away...I didn't think I had it in me to be a dad but we got through it and turns out I was a pretty great dad" he smiled, Ethan nodded in agreement.

"So where's this child now Caleb?" His mother asked in worry.

"Well..." he looked at her, "The paternity test results came back and I found out she wasn't mine and I had to put her into care...God it broke my heart I loved her so much, she'd be one now" his voice trialled off once more as he got lost in his thoughts, everyone watched him sympathetically including Rube. "On top of that, I found out from my results that my blood group doesn't match my mum's and so I found out I was adopted and that Ethan wasn't my brother and I just felt so lost, I lost every sense of identity, that was the lowest part of my life...Charlie, the nurse who's looking after you Lockie, he helped me find my birth family, you lot, and then I found out you were in Australia, I thought you couldn't have gotten much further away if you tried and so figured you didn't even want me in your life, I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. Charlie forced me into writing you a letter mum and well, you know the rest." he concluded.

"Oh Caleb..." his mother sighed sadly.

He looked at Lockie who had a frown on his face, "But, you said faith brought us together, you said you always knew you didn't fit into your adoptive family, you said you were happy to get out!" he shouted angrily.

"No..." Cal replied suddenly, he turned to Ethan to find he now had a frown on his face too, "Eth..." Cal whispered but Ethan looked away from him, "Lockie, Mum, Dad, I meant I was happy to get out of the place I was in, mentally, I wasn't in a good place, I wasn't happy to get away from Ethan Lockie you're twisting my words! I'd just lost my daughter and then I'd lost the only family I'd ever known, my head wasn't on right I'd just spend all day getting drunk because that was the only way I'd get through a day, you were my escape, God knows where I'd be without you, I'd probably have ended up in a ditch somewhere!" Cal frantically tried to explain but it only caused Lockie to look even more confused.

"But...you said you don't drink?" the young boy asked.

Cal held his head down, he was kicking himself inside for letting that slip, especially in front of the boy who idolises him so much.

"He's a liar Lockie, it wouldn't surprise me if he smokes too" Rube spoke out.

"No, he wouldn't! He's not an idiot like you Rube! You haven't ever smoked have you Caleb?" Lockie tried to defend Cal with the last bit of trust he had left in him.

Ethan held his head down, he couldn't help but feel sorry for Cal, this entire thing was painful to watch.

"Caleb?" Lockie whimpered.

Cal sighed angrily and pulled out a packet of cigarettes and through them down on Lockie's bed.

"Oh Caleb, I wish you would've just been honest with us to begin with, why have you kept this all quiet?" His mother asked disappointed.

"I, I wanted you to like me, I wanted to start a fresh mum I didn't want to..." His voice trailed off as he looked at Lockie who had tears brimming in his eyes, "I'm sorry Lockie" he whispered.

"I don't even know you Cal you're a completely different person than I thought you was, who are you?" he asked as a tear escaped his eye.

"I'm your brother Lockie" Cal told him softly.

"No, you're a liar!" Lockie shouted as more tears traced his cheeks.

Cal shook his head slowly, "Lockie please" he begged.

"I've only got one brother and that's Rube" Lockie sniffed.

Cal looked up at Rube who had his eyes fixed on the ground, "Are you happy now? Eh?!" Cal roared at him. Rube looked up and shook his head, "you finally got what you wanted!" Cal shouted.

"This isn't what I wanted" Rube mumbled.

Cal scoffed, "Well I'm going to give you what _I_ wanted" he warned.

"What?" Rube asked in worry.

"I'm going to try and knock some sense into that thick head of yours!" Cal roared as he grabbed Rube by his jacket and dragged him out of the room, Ethan and Cal's parents rushed out the room after them.

Cal threw Rube across the corridor where he stumbled to the ground, Cal toward over him "Look at the state of you Rube! You're 18, you drink, you smoke, you leave your family when they need you the most, you run a like a coward! You think you're tough when really you're scared, you think you're popular but really you're a nobody you're the loneliest person there is-" Rube cut him off.

"Stop!" He shouted up to him.

But Cal continued, "You have no ambitions in life and you don't care about anyone but yourself-" Rube cut him off again.

"That's not true!" He shouted as tears built in his eyes.

Cal shook his head, "You're just a waste of space Rube; in fact do you know what you are? Eh?!" he roared. Rube held his head down and ignored him, "Eh?!" Cal yelled as he grabbed Rube by his jacket again and pulled him up, he pinned him to the wall by it.

"...what?" Rube asked, his breathing was heavy as he looked at Cal with fear in his eyes.

"You're me!" Cal shouted as a tear escaped his eye, he released his grasp on the boy.

"What?" Rube asked warily.

"You're me Rube, you are exactly how I was when I was your age and it kills me watching you make exactly the same mistakes as me!"

Cal looked at him, "You run and hide when times get tough because it seems like an easier option than facing them right? I did it all the time Rube, ask Ethan! My mum got diagnosed and I left the country I only came back when she was on her deathbed and I missed so much with her, you know, I never told her I loved her... and then my daughter Matilda started fitting and I ran away-I came back- but only because I'd learnt from leaving my mum. I drink to keep my mind off things; I'd start fights and sleep with any girl who would look in my direction because it was a distraction to my pathetic life that I would constantly be on the run from, but putting up barriers helps nothing. Everything with Lockie makes me want to run and hide too Rube, do you think you're the only one who feels like this? I'm sure mum and dad want to too but they can't because Lockie needs them, like he needs us...Rube I don't want you making the same mistakes as me, I hate it, watching you is literally me stepping back in time and that's the worst thing for me to do because I've spent my entire life running from my past and you are it. I could tell you what your next move will be for probably the next ten years of your life if you don't switch it up. I've changed it around now, since I've met you lot I've changed but only because if I stayed how I was Rube I probably would've killed myself, I couldn't live like that...Now you haven't got a family to discover in what? 12 years who will save you, you have to save yourself Rube, believe me you don't want to end up like me" Cal concluded.

Rube looked at him in disbelief, "...You understand" He whimpered.

"Of course I understand!" Cal replied.

"I didn't know what you'd been through Cal I didn't mean to turn Lockie against you I'm so sorry, I understand completely why you didn't tell us and why you reacted the way you did. That story made me see the future me Cal" Rube told him.

"Good" Cal replied.

Rube and Cal stayed frozen for a few seconds, still face to face before Rube completely crumbled into Cal, "I'm sorry for getting drunk and running away, I'll be there more I promise, I'll stop drinking and smoking and fighting, I'll be there for Lockie I swear it, just the thought of losing him scared me but the thought of losing him without spending as much time with him as I can petrifies me. I'm sorry Cal" Rube sobbed, Cal put his arms around him awkwardly, he'd never been this close to his brother Rube before.

"It's okay Rube" Cal reassured him as Ethan shot a concerned glance at him.

"I think I'm a little bit drunk" Rube tried to come up with a reason to cover up his emotional outburst which caused everyone to laugh with him, "I'll stop acting like such a dick" he told him.

Rube pulled away from Cal and turned to his parents, "Mum, Dad, I love you, you know that right?" he asked still with tears tracing his cheeks, tough guy Rube had never looked so vulnerable in his life.

"Of course we do sweetie" His mother replied as she hugged him, he then hugged his dad.

Ethan smiled at Cal happy that someone had finally gotten through to young Rube. Cal just wished there was someone to get through to him when he was that age but everything had worked out eventually.

Ethan looked in through the window to give Lockie a reassuring smile but he wasn't there.

"Cal..." Ethan called, Cal's smile dropped as he noticed the look on Ethan's face, he looked through the window to find Lockie's bed was empty. He must have left the room during the ordeal with Cal and Rube.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi everyone! Did you all enjoy last night's Casualty? WE FINALLY GOT A CAL AND ETHAN HUG WOO! I wanted to hug Cal a good hundred times during last night's ep too. Cal aside, I loved the story of the two old ladies; I thought that was lovely. Anyways, that aside! Here's the next chapter, will they find Lockie before it's too late? Please let me know your thoughts as always, I'm happy to hear so many of you are enjoying, it makes writing more chapters all the more enjoyable for me so thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter seventeen

"Where's he gone?" Cal asked Ethan.

"I have no idea I was out here with you!" Ethan told him in his defence.

"What? You didn't see him walk by?!" Cal snapped.

"Hey, don't go setting the blame on me!" Ethan shouted.

"What's going on?" Rube asked.

"Lockie's gone" Cal told him still looking through the window at his youngest brother's empty hospital bed in disbelief.

"What?!" Rube panicked.

"Oh my baby" their mother gasped in worry.

"Don't worry mum, he couldn't have gone far" Rube told her in reassurance, "right Cal?" He asked looking for reassurance.

"Yeah..." Cal replied as he thought, "Right mum, check the shops, dad, check the toilets, Rube come with me and we'll check around cubicles" Cal instructed and everyone rushed off leaving Ethan stood confused.

He burst through the doors to RESUS and found Rube's black hat that he'd given to Lockie left on Lockie's bed. He checked around RESUS, even behind the beds; nothing. He grabbed the hat and hurried out the doors once more, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He made it to cubicles where he found Cal asking around the nursing station and Rube opening each curtain to every cubicle.

Cal was frantically trying to describe Lockie to a lady, "He's about this big" Cal gestured to just below his elbow, "he's got a thick Australian accent, blonde hair and a hospital gown on, oh! And he's got a black hat on-" Ethan cut him off.

"Cal..." He held up Lockie's black hat for him to see.

"Okay forget about the hat but please keep an eye out for him please, he's seriously ill, he's got cancer" he told the woman desperately and then turned to find Rube.

A familiar man rushed out of a cubicle, Rube followed closely behind; it was the man Rube had beaten up.

"Look I said I'm sorry just hear me out! This is important!" Rube shouted after him.

"Why would I stay another second to help to a guy who's just beat me up? I said you were mental!" The man shouted back as he continued to walk away from him.

Rube sighed deeply and ran so he caught up with the man, he grabbed him by his arm to stop him, "please my little brother has gone missing, his life could be in danger here!" Rube tried to get through to him.

"My life was in danger when you attacked me earlier on!" The man shouted and pulled his arm from Rube's grasp, Rube could feel his blood boiling, "and even if I did know where your brother was I wouldn't tell you, I'd say he's had a lucky escape getting away from you" the man scoffed in Rube's face.

"Say that again!" Rube threatened as he grabbed the man and pinned him up against the wall.

"Rube!" Cal and Ethan shouted simultaneously and ran to the man's rescue.

"What have we just spoken about?" Cal asked referring to their earlier argument where Rube promised to put a stop to his fighting.

"My brother is ten and he's got cancer, he should be tucked up in bed with an oxygen mask on his face not wondering about, he's dying. Yeah I might be mental but he's the best little guy I know all I'm asking is for you to keep an eye out" Rube spoke to the man lowering his voice.

"Okay" the man replied sincerely.

Rube released his grasp on him and walked away, Cal and Ethan followed him.

"Well done for walking away Rube, I'm proud of you" Cal told him as he rushed to his side.

"How come I don't feel proud? I should've knocked him out again, it took everything in me not to" Rube replied speaking through gritted teeth.

"It's a step forward" Cal told him.

"Exactly and anyway, you know finding Lockie is more important so you made the right decision" Ethan joined in praising the boy as he rushed to his other side.

"It's my fault he's gone" Rube shook his head and rushed through to reception scanning the room as he entered.

"Noel have you seen Lockie?" Cal asked desperately.

"No...should I have?" Noel replied confused.

Cal sighed and held his head in his hands, "he's gone missing" Rube told Noel, "haven't you guys go CCTV footage here?" He asked.

"Yes but that'd take hours" Noel replied.

"Maybe he went outside" Cal suggested looking towards the ED doors.

"No, no one in the right mind would go out there in that weather, there's no snow anymore it's more like torrential rain but that's English weather for you, I wouldn't go out there if you paid me" Noel told them.

"His body is too weak to face the cold weather anyway, he's only got his hospital gown on" Cal announced.

"He must be in here" Rube turned to Cal as they continued to think.

Something Noel said sparked something in Ethan's memory, he hurried back to RESUS instantly where he grabbed Lockie's backpack and pulled out his bucket list. He examined it, number forty had been changed to " _put arms on snowman_ " and had been circled, number 24 " _Sit out in the rain without needing my big jumper, hat, scarf and coat"_ had also been circled. He grabbed the bucket list and ran straight back to reception "he's outside!" He told Cal breathlessly.

"How do you know?" Cal asked.

Ethan handed him the bucket list, "look at number 24" he said.

Realisation grew across Cal and Rube instantly and all three of them hurried outside without another word.

"Lockie!" Rube shouted as they ran out into the rain.

"Where are you buddy?" Cal called, "I'm sorry!" He added as he looked over to Ethan who was stood by their snowman that was now lopsided as it slowly melted away, the snowman that once stood proudly as tall as Cal was now much smaller than Ethan, it had two sticks placed in what was left of it for arms.

"He must be out here" Ethan told him, "Lachlan!" He shouted as he looked around.

"Lockie!" Cal cried.

Rube ran across the car park toward the pub, he could barely see two feet in front of him due to the heavy rain, "Lockie please!" He yelled, "Come back!" He added, "We can play chess!" He mumbled as tears built in his eyes; he was filled with a complete loss of hope, there was no way little Lockie's fragile body could survive in this weather.

"Lockie!" Cal roared as he ran across the by the peace garden. He pulled out Lockie's bucket list and slipped his fingers across the paper, feeling where the pen had engraved it, the rain pouring down caused the pen to begin to run.

"Cal maybe he head back in after putting the arms on the snowman?" Ethan suggested as he made his way to Cal.

"What if we don't find him?" Cal asked hopelessly, with the realisation that that was a possibility.

"We will" Ethan told him as he placed a hand on his shoulder, "come on, let's go back inside" he proposed, Cal nodded slowly.

They turned to head back inside as a gust of wind blew hard snatching Lockie's bucket list right out of Cal's grasp. He chased it across the car park until fortunately it collided with a bin as the wind died down; the soggy paper flopped to the ground. As he bent down to retrieve it something on the other side of the bin caught his eye; it was a pair of small feet. "Lockie" Cal said to himself and hurried around the bin.

"Cal come on!" Ethan shouted from where he stood, Rube was now by his side ready to go back inside.

Cal looked down to find Lockie sat leaning back against the wall with his knees pulled up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them and his head buried into them; he was completely soaked, he was shivering like mad, he looked so small and fragile. "Hey buddy" Cal called as he kneeled down before the boy, he didn't reply. "Look I know you're angry at me but we need to get you inside okay? So you can be angry at me in there alright?" he suggested; the boy didn't budge. "Lockie?" Cal asked warily as he lifted the boy's head out of his knees, his eyes were closed and around his lips were turning blue, his body slumped down as Cal let go but he caught him before his head hit the ground, "Okay buddy I've got you" Cal whispered as he held his brother's body in his arms, "Ethan!" he roared as he felt the boy's neck for a pulse. Ethan and Rube made their way over; "He's got a pulse" Cal told them frantically.

"Right, um, I'll go and get him a trolley" Ethan replied.

"There's no time for that!" Cal shouted, he pulled off his leather jacket and placed it around Lockie's shoulders. He gently picked his little brother's body up, he rested Lockie's head against his shoulder "You're going to be okay buddy, I've got you" Cal whispered as they rushed inside.

"Oh good, you found him" Noel smiled as they hurried in through reception, all four of them looked as though their clothes and hair was plastered to them because of the rain.

"Zoe" Cal said as he spotted her at reception, "help" he added as he rushed Lockie through to RESUS, Zoe followed them.

"What's happened?" She asked as Cal placed him back down on his bed.

"I don't know!" Cal spat out and held his head in his hands.

"He was outside" Ethan told her more calmly.

She started examining him, "Right, how long for approximately?" she asked, "Cal!" she called when he didn't reply.

"I don't know, twenty minutes maybe less?" he stated confused.

"Or more" Rube added.

"Right Lockie can you hear me darling?" Zoe called as placed her stethoscope on the boy's chest; he didn't reply.

"Hey at least he's stopped shivering, right?" Rube spoke looking for positives.

"That's not necessarily a good thing" Ethan replied awkwardly.

"Right temperature is 32, we need to warm him up, can I get a thermal blanket over here please, and we need some warm saline as well please. We also need to get this gown off him and get him a dry one but let's work on warming him up first" Zoe threw out her orders.

Rube, Cal and Ethan stood watching as everyone rushed around the boy, "He's going to be okay" Rube stated, "He's going to be okay...isn't he Cal?" he asked. Cal couldn't reply.

"Zoe if he's got an infection he can't fight that, he's got leukaemia" Cal stated in worry.

"The fact he was shivering shows us his body is at least giving it a try okay?" Zoe replied as her and Charlie placed a blanket over the boy and Zoe put an oxygen mask on his face, "you three need warming up too by the looks of things" she stated looking at the three who were completely drenched head to toe, none of them budged.

Rube pulled out his crucifix from beneath his soaking t-shirt and held it tight as he watched on. Cal and Ethan exchanged glances.

"Come on buddy" Rube whispered determinately. He pulled his crucifix up to his mouth and gave it a kiss before he pulled it off over his head and walked over to Lockie, he put it on him instead. Zoe and Charlie looked at him sympathetically; Rube didn't look like the religious type.

"Temperature is 33" Zoe smiled.

"He's a fighter" Charlie stated.

"Of course he is; he's related to me" Rube joked in reply as he wiped away his tears with the back of his hand.

"Right be prepared for a cold induced malfunction of the hypothalamus when he comes round" Zoe warned Charlie who nodded.

"What's that mean?" Rube asked confused.

"He might be a bit confused and out of character-" Zoe was cut off when Lockie's hands shot up to his face suddenly as he regained consciousness.

"What's happening?" Lockie asked as he felt the oxygen mask around his face.

"Welcome back" Zoe smiled.

"Get this off me!" Lockie roared as he tried to pull the mask off but Charlie held it in place, "get off!" he demanded as he pushed Charlie back.

"Lockie..." Rube stated in shock at his younger brother's behaviour.

"It will help you Lockie, keep it on your face for me" Zoe spoke softly as she placed the mask back on his face.

"No!" Lockie shouted, "Where am I?!" he asked as he continued to fight Zoe and Charlie.

"You're at Holby City Hospital" Zoe told him.

"Why?" he asked.

"We're trying to get you warm" she replied simply, leaving out the cancer entirely.

"Get off!" Lockie shouted as he sat up in his bed and pushed off the blanket.

"Lockie calm down, they're trying to help you" Cal told him.

"Okay just give him a second" Zoe proposed as they all watched him.

He held his head in his hands and burst out crying, "I don't understand" he cried, "what's happening to me?" he asked as he looked down at his wet hospital gown, he then saw Rube's crucifix hanging around his neck. He took hold of it and examined it "Rube" he mumbled, "where's Rube?!" he asked looking around at the faces that looked like strangers to him in his confused mind.

"I'm here" Rube smiled at him.

"Zoe we can't just wait for him to calm down he's ill!" Ethan spat out.

"He'll only fight us Ethan" she replied.

"So? He's a ten year old boy who's completely fragile, you're saying you can't handle that?!" Ethan snapped and rushed to Lockie, "Right you're going to have to keep this on" Ethan ordered and placed the oxygen mask on his face and guided the boy's body back down, "And this too" Ethan stated as he pulled the blanket back over him.

Rube took hold of his hand.

"Who are you?" Lockie asked looking up at Ethan.

His words hurt him but he went along with it, "I'm Doctor Hardy and I'm going to help make you better okay?" he smiled at Lockie who looked at him confused.

"You talk funny" Lockie spoke through his mask.

"That's because I'm from England and not Australia like you" Ethan chuckled slightly as he tucked the blanket in around him.

Lockie's body started to shiver once more, which was a good thing; it meant his fragile body was helping him. He also slowly regained normality as far as his personality goes. He became less confused and started to calm down.

"Your temperature is looking much better Lockie" Zoe smiled as she wrote in his notes.

"I'm sorry for being mean" Lockie told her.

"You don't have to apologise, it wasn't your fault" she reassured him, "why did you go outside Lockie?" she asked.

"So I could get more ticked off on my bucket list" Lockie replied, "Ethan!" he called, Ethan popped his head over so he could see him, "I saw a shooting star!" he told him excitedly.

"Ah great" Ethan smiled, "did you make a wish?" he asked, Lockie nodded.

"How do you know it was a shooting star and Santa's sleigh, it is Christmas Eve after all" Charlie told the boy who's face lit up.

"Maybe it was him!" Lockie replied.

Zoe smiled at him sympathetically, "get some rest Lockie" she told him, Lockie nodded and closed his eyes.

Ethan made his way over to Cal who was stood frozen watching.

"He's strong" Ethan stated impressed.

"I need to talk to someone about the stem cell transplant before its too late" Cal spoke out randomly.

Ethan looked at him confused, "what?" he asked, it had nothing to do with Lockie's current condition.

"The research we did; I need tests to make sure I'm okay to donate, blood tests and things" Cal explained, "The sooner I start the less time Lockie will have to wait right?" he asked. Ethan nodded and Cal rushed out of the room.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hi everyone! Here's today's update. I hope you enjoy! It Richard Winsor's birthday today (the actor that plays Cal) so Happy Birthday Richard! Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter eighteen

Lockie was asleep, they figured he would probably be asleep for the night now, giving it was past eleven. Everyone was shattered, Ethan, Cal, Cal's parents, but most of all Rube who had spent the beginning of his day getting drunk and fighting and the end of his day making up and being there for his family; a completely new tactic for him that had quite obviously worn him out as he sat slumped down in a chair next to his mother beside Lockie's bed, his head rested back and his eyes closed; out for the count, letting out a light snore as he took his breaths. Ethan sat at the other side of Lockie's bed, him too fighting sleep but he wasn't under the influence of alcohol as Rube was and so he could fight it much easier. Cal hadn't returned yet from leaving to get tests done for the transplant which Ethan couldn't figure out whether that was a good or bad thing, only time would tell.

"Ethan, you don't have to sit here darling you can go home, I wouldn't want you having to spent your Christmas Eve cooped up in here" Cal's mother spoke to him from across Lockie's bed snapping him from his thoughts.

"Oh no no, honestly it's fine, I'd only be spending it alone in my flat anyway" he replied with a smile.

"Better spending it with family" she stated and flashed a smile at him. Ethan nodded, her words warmed his heart.

"So, where's Cal's father gone?" He asked making conversation.

"He's gone back to the hotel to get me some things for staying in hospital with Lockie; I've already got a bag packed just in case I needed it..." Her voice trailed off as she stroked Lockie's hair. Ethan watched her sympathetically; he could see the love she had for her son gleaming in her eyes. "He's also bringing Lockie's Christmas presents seen as though he'll be spending it in here" she told him.

"Ah well if you give them to me I'll hide them in the staff room until tomorrow, I'm pretty sure we have a Father Christmas that goes around the wards delivering presents to everyone as a way of brightening up such an awful day to spend in this place" he explained.

"That would be lovely" she smiled at him gratefully.

Ethan looked down debating asking something he'd wondered for months, he was now on comfortable speaking terms with Cal's mother, surely he could ask her anything? He toyed with the idea in his head for a while, biting his lip to stop the words leaving his mouth but when he looked up and saw her smile at him he decided to let it out, "Mrs Wolfe..." He started as he fidgeted in his chair.

"Oh Ethan, call me Myra" She told him.

Ethan smiled at her, he never did know her name and what a wonderful name it was; it suited her perfectly, "Myra..." He corrected himself, "I hope you don't mind me asking but it's something I've been wondering for a while, I completely understand if you don't want to answer but..." He trailed off as he realised how much he was rambling, "Cal" he stated, "...Why _did_ you give him up for adoption all those years ago?" He asked.

"Of course I don't mind, you deserve to know about your brother's life" she smiled, Ethan sat forward in his chair to endure the story he'd longed to hear, "my family were really religious, I do still like to live in those ways but I'm not as strict with religion as they were. Rube is more like them when it comes to religion I think it gives him hope somehow" she stated as she looked at Rube's crucifix around Lockie's neck, "anyway, I fell pregnant with Caleb really young and of course being this young, I wasn't married..." He paused for Ethan to click on, he nodded slowly as realisation grew over him, "I kept the pregnancy as quiet as long as I could but soon enough my parents found out and both of them were furious, my father demanded I got married before I had the baby so he wasn't a bastard but we couldn't afford to get married so my father kicked me out and I left to live with Caleb's father's family, his name is James by the way...my Jimmy" she smiled, "My dad hated me, he'd call me a slapper for getting pregnant but I knew I'd spend the rest of my life with Jimmy so I didn't see how it mattered. My father actually paid me to get an abortion" she told him disgust evident in his face.

Ethan was so intrigued in the story he was right on the edge of his seat, "abortion? But isn't that against your religion?" He asked stunned.

"Yes, but that's how much he wanted that baby gone, he wanted his baby back but obviously that was impossible and I could never kill my child, I told him to stick his money and I moved in with Jimmy permanently. I kept in contact with my mother though; she told me I was doing the right thing and was excited to have her first grandchild. I gave birth to him and she was the first to see him, I've never seen her look so happy, she was the one who named him-" Ethan cut her off.

"A religious name of course" he stated.

"My little Caleb" she smiled, her eyes gleaming with pride as she reminisced, "but I couldn't keep him, I lived in the most religious part of town, I would get spat at in the street you know..." She told him, Ethan shook his head in disbelief, "it wasn't safe for him, I didn't care about me...but he would go to school being called a bastard and that's no way for a child to live. I put him up for adoption when he was a week old and made sure he went to a married couple, I got the opportunity to meet the mother who would take him, such a lovely lady, Matilda Hardy" she said.

"My mother" Ethan smiled instantly.

"That's right. I knew she would look after him and bring him up perfectly as I now know she did, I definitely made the right decision" she concluded, "I'm so happy she had her own son though, she always wanted a child of her own, I'm sure she loved the bones of you Ethan" she added with a smile.

Ethan had tears building in his eyes "thank you" he smiled, "you must've been thrilled when you had another son" he gestured to Rube.

"Oh yes" she smiled. She looked at sleeping Rube, "he wasn't always like this you know, he was such a lovely little boy, much like Lockie" she told him, Ethan found that hard to believe, the pair were so opposite, "he'd always hug and kiss me, he'd hold my hand everywhere because he wanted to, not because I asked him to, he'd always look after me and Lockie. He was top of the class in school; he was just the perfect child, constantly happy. And then Lockie got diagnosed and he changed, completely, into the boy you know now. But I still love him, of course. I still see that little boy who used to run into our bedroom at night during a storm and cuddle into me until he'd fall asleep..." Her voice trailed off as she stroked Rube's cheek causing him to stir in his sleep, he slumped down even more in his chair and still continued to snore lightly, "he still kisses me you know, when he thinks no one's looking he'll give me a kiss and tell me he loves me and that's how I know, he's still my gorgeous little son, he's just scared of losing his brother" she told Ethan.

"You speak so highly of your children" Ethan stated.

"Didn't your mum ever do that?" She asked surprised.

"She did about Caleb...never about me though" he held his head down.

"Well she never would to your face, I'm sure if you ask Caleb he'd say the same about you. I never told my children anything like that until Lockie got ill and then I realised how important they were to me and that I should let them know more often" she reassured him.

Ethan let out a sigh of relief and could only hope that was in fact true. Minutes past and the room fell into a comfortable silence once again, with only the noise of Rube breathing and Lockie's machine beeping saving the room from complete silence. Ethan could feel his eyes getting heavier with each beep of Lockie's machine it was as though it was sending him to sleep. He gave in and allowed his eyes to close, moments later his head bobbed down as he drifted off.

"Mum?" He heard a small voice whisper which startled him causing him to jump awake in his chair, he only drifted off a minute ago.

"Hello darling" he watched Myra smile at Lockie who had just woken up.

"Where's Cal?" He asked her, worried that their argument had caused him to leave.

"He's upstairs getting tested for the transplant you need" Ethan told him.

"Doesn't he hate me?" Lockie whimpered.

"Don't be silly, you're his brother Lockie, anyway I believe he was your hero tonight, he was the one who found you outside" Ethan explained.

"Cal saved my life" Lockie spoke amazed. He looked over at his sleeping older brother in the chair next to his mother, "Rube's here!" He announced stunned, he was so used to his older brother not being there for him.

"Yeah, he's a changed man" Ethan told him; "obviously it takes a lot of tiring hard work" he winked causing Lockie to giggle.

"Do you have my bucket list?" Lockie asked.

Ethan felt around in the pocket of his scrubs and pulled it out, "I do indeed" he smiled, "I believe you've got some ticking off to do is that right?" Ethan asked as he held it out for the boy to take.

"You can do it" Lockie told him.

Ethan couldn't help but feel honoured; "okay" he smiled and pulled out a pen, "right number 24. Go out in the rain...silly idea but tick" he smirked at Lockie who looked at him mischievously, "number 13. See a shooting star, tick and number 40. Put arms on snowman, tick" Ethan concluded with one big tick on the paper, "You've got loads done haven't you" he smiled sadly as he examined the crumpled paper.

"Yep" Lockie smiled as the doors to RESUS opened and in walked Cal who walked over to him straight away.

"Lockie..." He whispered, "I'm so sorry for lying to you matey, I should've just told you the truth I know that and I'm kicking myself for not doing it earlier because I don't want us to fall out" Cal spoke softly.

"I forgive you, you did save my life after all" Lockie winked at Ethan.

"Oh thank god" Cal sighed with relief, "guess what? I can be a donor for you, we're going to start as soon as the doctors upstairs think you're well enough" Cal told him.

"Really?!" Lockie asked excitedly.

"Yeah...but it means you need to have really strong chemo before it though buddy" Cal explained sadly.

"Oh..." Lockie spoke in realisation.

"But I know you can do it, and we're going to be there for you every step of the way" Cal promised and pressed his lips against Lockie's head.

"A-hem" a voice announced from the edge of Lockie's bed.

"Robyn?" Cal asked confused.

She looked toward Rube with disappointment evident in her face when she discovered he was asleep, "I was just wondering if any of you could do with a drink" she proposed speaking up in hopes it would wake the boy whom everyone wished to make we contact with, but he still continued to sleep.

"Oh yes that'd be lovely Robyn" Ethan smiled, "Can I have a tea, milk and two sugars please?" He asked.

"Just a water will do" Cal told her.

"Could I possibly have a tea as well? No milk no sugar please" Myra asked.

"That's how my mum used to have her tea" Ethan announced amazed as he looked at her admiringly.

"She knows" Cal told him.

"Anything for you little man?" Robyn asked Lockie.

"Maybe you should have something warm after today" Ethan suggested.

"Do you sell hot chocolate here?" Lockie asked.

"I'm sure I can sort that out for you" Robyn smiled.

"Hang on a second dear" Myra stopped Robyn from leaving, "Rube..." She called causing sleeping boy to stir. He mumbled in his sleep, Robyn felt herself completely melt. "Rube wake up" his mother called once more causing him to wake up suddenly.

"Um? What?" He asked as he looked at her with tired eyes.

"Do you want a drink?" She asked him and gestured to Robyn who felt her heart beating hard in her chest.

He looked at her and sat himself up in his chair, "just a water please" he smiled his beautiful smile at her.

"Okay" she blushed. As dry as that conversation was that was all she had wanted the second she laid eyes on Rube, she never thought a boy like him would even look in her direction. Little did she know the conversation wouldn't end there.

"You have a wonderful smile" he told her as he admired it.

Cal and Ethan exchanged confused glances.

"Thank you" she replied as her face turned bright red.

"What's your name?" He asked.

"Robyn" she replied.

"Robyn" Rube echoed her and read her name badge from his seat, "with a Y?" He asked, she nodded, "how unique" he stated, "well, Robyn with a Y, I'm Ruben" he held out his hand for her to shake. She did so but not with ease as a Rube had turned her completely to jelly. Cal and Ethan looked at each other confused once again now at the fact he'd introduced himself as Ruben and not Rube. "Ruben and Robyn, I think that works well together don't you?" He smiled.

"Yeah it does" she giggled in reply.

"Well then Robyn, maybe I can be your batman" Rube teased.

"That means I'll be your Robin" she spat out in realisation.

"She's quick on her feet this one isn't she?" He asked looking at his family, "I like that..." He smiled as he turned to face her once more.

"...I'll just go and get your drinks, it was nice meeting you" she spoke awkwardly and turned to leave.

"Wait!" He called stopping her, "are we all having drinks?" He asked, his family nodded in reply, "well you've only got two hands surely you can't carry all those drinks on your own?" He asked, "Here, I'll help you" he proposed as he stood to his feet his; tall body towering over Robyn, her jaw dropped in amazement as she looked him up and down.

Max burst through the doors to and head straight for Robyn, "have you got any money to lend me? I'm due a break and I've got no fags left" he told her.

"Done you have money of your own?" She asked him.

"No because I spent it all on my secret Santa, I got you by the way" he teased.

"Uh, fine!" Robyn huffed.

"Hang on you're Cal's brother, don't you smoke mate?" Max asked Rube in realisation.

"Yeah I do" Rube replied.

"I couldn't rob just one fag off you could I? I'm gasping" He asked.

Rube pulled out his packet of cigarettes from his back pocket and opened them to find there was just one left.

"Oh never mind it's your last one" Max told him.

"No, here" Rube handed him the packet with just one cigarette left.

"Are you sure?" Max asked awkwardly.

"Yeah, I'm quitting anyway" Rube smiled and handed him is lighter too.

"Thanks mate!" Max called and hurried out.

"That's my step brother" Robyn told Rube.

"Ah right" Rube nodded, "so, shall we get those drinks then?" He suggested.

Robyn nodded and they both made their way to the door, Rube pulled it and held it opened for Robyn, "ladies first" he smiled and allowed her to walk through.

"What was that?!" Ethan asked stunned as they disappeared out the door.

"That's Ruben, you've never met him you've only met Rube. Rube's an idiot" Lockie teased in reply.

"Never did I think Rube could be so...charming" Ethan spoke impressed.

"He's sober" Cal joked.


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi guys it's currently half two in the morning and I'm sat writing and listening to music because why not? I'm in my happy place :p This chapter will be spilt over two because it's super long and so I hope you enjoy them both, I might post the second later on today or maybe on Saturday I'm not sure yet. Please let me know your thoughts as always and whether you want the second chapter up today and I'll do that for you, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter nineteen

Ethan had slipped away from RESUS to try and catch a break; he was still completely exhausted from the hectic day they had had. He tried the staffroom but that was far from quiet as everyone had gathered in there to exchange secret Santa's and someone had decided to hang mistletoe over the door meaning anyone who walked in had to share a kiss with whoever was nearest and of course as Ethan walked in the person stood nearest was Honey, like his day hadn't been stressful enough, he then had to share a kiss with his ex in front of everyone...you could cut awkward tension with a knife as the entire room fell silent and all eyes looked towards them.

"Merry Christmas" he told her and then shuffled past to get to his locker pulling out a neatly wrapped Christmas present as his secret Santa. He placed it on the table and made his way to the door as quickly as he could.

"Ethan you're under the mistletoe again!" Max called amused.

Ethan looked up at the mistletoe and stormed out. He thought about going to find some peace in the perfectly named peace garden but then he remembered the torrential rain outside, he wondered around the hospital corridors for a while for some inspiration of somewhere to get some peace, he somehow ended up in the hospital chapel.

He looked around as he entered, it was empty, it looked wonderful. He'd been in there before of course with patients but being with patients he didn't really take much time to look around and admire the room, and what a glorious room it was. Ethan wasn't particularly religious, he would visit church regularly when he was younger with his mother and Cal, he even used to sing in the church choir as a child but he admittedly hadn't been to church for a good while...the last time probably being his mother's funeral. He walked over to the corner of the room by the altar where there was a place to light a candle and so he did. He then took a seat on the second row on the right and one seat in, this, in his childhood church would always be where he sat, his mother on the first seat, him on the second and Cal on the third. Though Cal wouldn't be paying any attention as he had the attention span of a gnat, their mother would always ensure the older boy had something to keep him occupied or else he'd fidget throughout. Ethan however, didn't mind going to church, his mother enjoyed it and therefore so did he, even as a small child Ethan loved anything that made his mother happy. Once seated he crossed his arms and rested them on the chair in front so he was leaning forward. He rested his head in his arms and closed his eyes as he thought of what to pray for. He cleared his throat and began, he spoke quietly, to himself so if there was anyone around they couldn't hear him.

"Hi...um, I haven't really done this in a while, so apologises if I'm a bit rusty..." He started, he thought for a moment before he continued, "I just wanted to say thank you. Six months ago when Cal moved to Australia I thought I'd lost everyone in my life, well, everyone that was important in my life, but since he's been back, not only have I got him back but I-I...I feel ridiculous for saying this but I feel like I've gained myself a family, I can definitely see my own mother in Myra and I think that's why I get such a sense of homeliness when I'm around her or any of Cal's family on that note, even Rube. I just am so grateful for their visit. I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, I just remember my mum would sometimes pray before dinner and thank you for it, but I always remember thinking "why are you thanking God? You bought it and cooked it, it had nothing to do with God" but I suppose that was just my childhood brain. I'm rambling. Even in my prayers I still manage to ramble...well, while I'm here God, or father or whatever you go by these days...if you're listening, I just want to say please keep an eye on Lachlan Wolfe, he's such an incredible little boy and doesn't deserve half the stuff he has to go through although he handles it so well, better than I ever could. You see, this is where I sort of lost my religious beliefs, when I became a doctor and came across patients like Lockie or when my mother got diagnosed it would make me wonder "if there is a God...how could he do something like _this_ to such a wonderful human being?" That's what I don't understand. Maybe it's your tactics or maybe there isn't a God and we just think him or her up for closure. I suppose the fact I'm praying now shows that I believe, and if you are listening I hope you don't hold that against me. You gave my mum faith and I'll always admire that and if she's up there with you now can you let know that I love her, I always have and I always will...okay, um thanks, no no, amen." He concluded his rather awkward prayer and kept his head down resting on the chair as he got lost in his thoughts.

In walked Rube with a guitar case thrown over his shoulder and his crucifix hanging proudly over his t-shirt. He didn't notice Ethan. He too made his way over to light a candle next to the one Ethan and previously light, however, Rube was more of an expert when it came to this stuff.

"Hello" a soft voice spoke startling him slightly.

"Hi" he smiled as he turned to find the chaplain stood at the altar, "I'm I okay to be in here?" He asked.

"Is that an Australian accent I hear?" She asked intrigued.

"Yeah, I'm Ruben" he told her as he held his hand out for her to shake.

"It's a pleasure, you can spend as much time as you like in here, the doors are always open" she smiled, "so, you're religious?" She asked as she noticed his crucifix.

He held it in his hands and nodded.

"Catholic?" She asked.

"Yes, it's the one thing I'm proud of if I'm being honest" he told her.

"It's beautiful" she smiled as she took his crucifix in her hands, "right so come on then, let me guess, you didn't start it?" She smirked.

"Start what?" He asked confused.

"The fight" she gestured to the stitch on Rube's nose.

"Oh..." Looks down awkwardly, "actually no, I did start it, I can be a bit of an idiot at times if I'm to be completely honest" she smiled at him, "I'm not here because of that though" he told her, "in hospital that is...my little brother, he's only ten, he's got Leukaemia" he informed.

"Oh I'm so sorry Ruben, what's his name?" she asked.

"Lachlan or Lockie, he prefers Lockie" he said.

"Well I'll keep Lockie in my thoughts and prayers" she promised and held his hand in hers.

"Thank you that would mean a lot" he smiled.

"So are you here to say a prayer for him?" She asked.

"Yeah" He nodded, "I've also got some thanking to do...earlier Lockie took a bad turn and his temperature was way too low so I started to pray, in my head, and then I put my crucifix on him and his temperature rose and now he's fine, I've just left him sleeping...I know it sounds stupid, that's why I didn't tell anyone, I don't think they even noticed to be honest it happened but yeah, I'd like to thank God for that" he looked down.

"That's beautiful; faith is a wonderful think Ruben never lose it, how old are you? We don't get many young people in here" she admitted.

"Eighteen" he told her.

"Is that a guitar in there?" She asked as she looked at the case hanging off his shoulder.

"Yeah, it's my Christmas present even though it won't feel like Christmas been stuck in hospital" he rolled his eyes.

"I love guitar" She smiled.

"Do you play?" he asked.

"I do indeed, I often play for the choir in my local parish" she informed him.

"That's pretty cool" he replied.

"Right I'll leave you to do some praying" she clapped her hands together and turned away.

"I thought this place would be booming given it being Christmas Eve" he said continuing the conversation, making the chapel sound like a nightclub the way he put it.

"No, there's only been one visitor tonight, the doctor in the blue scrubs over there. At first I thought he was praying so I left him to it but he's been there a good hour or so now I think he's managed to fall asleep, he must be having such a hectic time at work. I admire all medics for the work they do, they're today's healing hands. He can stay there all night if he likes, he must be extremely worn out. I put a blanket over him earlier; it tends to get a bit chilly in here." She explained.

Rube looked over to where she pointed, "Ethan?" he spoke surprised as he spotted him.

"Ah, you know him?" she asked.

"Yeah he's my brother's brother" he replied his voice trailing off slightly as he kept his eyes and attention fixed on Ethan.

"Your brother's brother?" the Chaplain asked confused but Rube ignored her as he made his way over.

 _To be continued..._


	20. Chapter 20

**Part two, enjoy! Please let me know your thoughts on it, thanks guys, have a great day, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter Twenty

He stopped at the row Ethan was on and smiled down at him when he saw he actually was sleeping, he cleared his throat hoping that would wake him but he didn't even stir; he must be completely out of it. Rube shook his head with a smirk and leaned his guitar case carefully against the chair in front as took a seat next to where Ethan slept. Though the sound of Rube sitting down woke him up, he groaned as he pulled his head out of his arms and looked around, surprised that he was still here, he didn't even feel himself dropping off.

"Morning sleeping beauty" Rube teased.

Ethan turned to his left to find Rube sat beside him, "I wasn't sleeping, I was praying" Ethan replied.

"Ah right" Rube nodded, "So...do you always snore when you pray?" Rube asked with a smirk.

"Was I snoring?" Ethan asked embarrassed.

"No but you've just slipped up the fact you _were_ sleeping and _not_ praying" Rube spoke smugly.

Ethan rolled his eyes but he couldn't help but laugh, Rube joined him.

The laughter died down, "how's Lockie?" Ethan asked as he examined the old blanket he had placed over his shoulders confused.

"Okay, they've moved him to a side room they've done tests on him for the transplant so he can start chemo again soon" Rube explained.

"Tests at this time?" Ethan asked stunned.

"Yeah the doctor from upstairs came to see him and said they may as well do the tests now whilst he's awake and then tomorrow he can start chemo" Rube told him.

Ethan still looked confused.

"...when they found out it was Lockie that was in they said they'd rather move quickly because they know how ill he is" Rube stated.

"Right" Ethan nodded, now he understood, "So...how's Robyn?" Ethan smirked.

Rube rolled his eyes; "she's fine thanks" he smiled.

"I didn't think she was your type" Ethan admitted.

"I didn't think Honey was yours" Rube replied.

"Touché" Ethan reasoned, "Is that a guitar?" he asked.

Rube took hold of his case, "This thing? Yeah it's my baby, dad went with me to pick it out months ago but they wouldn't let me play it until Christmas, I knew we were coming over here and so I made them bring it, the second twelve o clock midnight came dad came back from the hotel with it, it's my pride and joy" he told him with a gleaming smile.

"Is it a good make?" Ethan asked trying to make conversation though he understood nothing about guitars.

"Are you kidding?! It's a Gibson" Rube told him, Ethan looked at him blankly, "literally the best guitars you can get...it was nearly two thousand dollars" Rube informed him excitedly.

Ethan's jaw dropped, "For an instrument?" he asked shocked.

"Hey this _instrument_ will make me millions one day and it'll get treated like my child until and even after that day comes, it will still be in this condition in ten years time I'll guarantee you that" Rude stated confidently.

"You must be good if your parents are willing to pay that price" Ethan spoke impressed.

Rube nodded, "They saved up all year to get me it, but they know it won't go to waste...I used to be in a band but we split up, well, I got kicked out, but they haven't played since, whereas me? I busk any chance I can get and have crowds around me every time I do, people ask for my picture when I'm just walking 'round town back home you know. I've got an audition when I get home with this manager who said he'll get me proper gigs in venues where I'll get paid, he knows for a fact I'll fill them with the people who just come to watch me busk alone; they love me, I've had girls propose to me before you know" he laughed.

"Wow" Ethan spoke impressed, "So I'm currently sitting next to Australia's next biggest thing?" He teased.

The pair of them burst into laughter once more. Ethan had never felt so comfortable being with Rube before and Rube felt the same way, dare he say it he'd even go as far as to call Ethan a friend, a _good_ friend or even a brother...or was that pushing the boat out too far?

"So have you prayed or did you just come here to get some kip?" Rube asked.

"I gave it a go" Ethan replied in his defence.

Rube sat jiggling his legs as he looked up at the cross that was placed on the wall by the door, "Do you want me to show you how to do it properly?" He asked still with his eyes fixed on the cross.

"What?" Ethan asked surprised.

Rube torn his eyes off the cross and looked towards Ethan, "Pray" Rube said.

Ethan didn't know whether he was joking or not but he went along with "...Okay" he replied warily.

Rube nodded and looked down, "Praying is just a way of communicating with God. Obviously there isn't a right or wrong way of praying, it can be formal or Informal, verbal or nonverbal, active or contemplative, you can do it however you like but this is how you're _supposed_ to do it in mass. Every religion prays differently, this place is obviously not set just for one religion. Even Catholics and Protestants pray differently" he said.

Ethan nodded as he listened to the boy, surprised at how educated he was on this topic; he seemed the most unlikely person to be, "Have you ever prayed the rosary?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah" Rube replied easily, and pulled out a set of keys from his pocket, "I keep some on here as a key ring so I've always got them with me and I've got some hanging in my car back home too. I used to do it as much as I could but now I'm dreading the next time I do it because we usually go to rosaries when people die and everything with Lockie..." his voice trailed off, he took a deep breath "...But he seems to be getting better so hopefully that time won't come" he smiled as he placed his keys back in the pocket of his ripped jeans.

"Okay see this cushioned beam here?" he pointed to it as he still looked down by their feet, "That's for kneeling on; Protestants don't tend do this for some reason but Catholics do" he explained and kneeled down on the beam, Ethan watched awkwardly unknowing what to do, "come on" Rube told him, "It might seem silly I know, but trust me yeah?" he smiled.

Ethan kneeled down beside him and watched what Rube did. He made the sign of the cross, whispering the words, "In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen." Ethan did the same; Rube then rested his elbows on the chair in front of him and joined his hands, so did Ethan, "Now just...pray" he shrugged, Ethan looked at him warily, "Tell him about your day, or talk about someone in particular, or ask him to be with someone or thank him...you can do whatever you want" he explained, Ethan nodded, Rube turned back to his joined hands and closed his eyes. Ethan looked at him sympathetically and turned to do the same. They stayed like that for a few minutes and then Rube sat back up, Ethan did too.

"Well, that wasn't how I did it" Ethan joked, "I ended up talking about loads-" Rube cut him off.

"You don't have to tell me your prayers they're private" he stated.

Ethan looked at him warily knowing exactly what Rube had prayed for without the need of him explaining, "I didn't pray for Lockie to get better you know" Ethan told him.

"You didn't have to pray for Lockie" Rube shrugged as if he were uninterested.

"I prayed for him to not lose hope" Ethan said softly.

"What do you mean 'lose hope'?" Rube frowned confused as he looked at him.

"It must be tiring mustn't it? Every day fighting a losing battle. I mean don't get me wrong; he's strong, I'm a doctor and I can see that, what he's been through that boy is so strong but if he gives up, mentally, then that's it" Ethan told him.

Rube's frown became more prominent, "Lockie wouldn't give up" he shook his head.

"Rube, he hates hospitals, he hates tests, he hates chemo, he hates being ill, he's told me so many times he's sick of it...no pun intended" he tried to joke but Rube didn't crack a smile, "Look, there's only so a certain amount of time someone can be strong, you of all people should know that" Ethan stated.

"You don't know him like I do" Rube replied firmly.

"I've seen this a million times before Rube" Ethan told him softly.

Rube's blood boiled as he stood to his feet and toward over Ethan, "No! He's not going to give up! You've know him a week and you think you've got him all sussed out?! You're nothing to him, like you're nothing to me, or mum, or dad, or even Cal for that matter!" he roared.

"Can I just remind you of where you are?" Chaplain asked politely as she'd come to see what all the shouting was about.

Rube looked at her and then shot a glance at the cross on the wall again, "sorry" he told her and then looked back down at Ethan speaking more quietly, "Look, Lockie's going to get better and then we're all going to go home, me, my parents and my brothers and you'll be on your own again so enjoy the company whilst it lasts" he spoke through gritted teeth, Ethan visibly deflated before him, "what? You thought Cal was going to stay here? You're actually that delusional? Why would he choose someone who isn't even related to him over his family? He doesn't care about you Ethan" Rube scoffed.

"You're wrong" Ethan whispered as he shook his head.

"Ethan he's got brothers and a sister and a mum and dad and grandparents and aunties and uncles and cousins and second cousins and great aunties and uncles and family friends and friends of his own...what have you got besides your job?" Rube asked, "Imagine it was you in Lockie's place, you wouldn't even have someone to get the transplant from, you'd have to get it from a stranger because you've got no one in your life Ethan" Rube told him.

Ethan stood to his feet instantly, "Yeah well if you weren't so much of a drunken selfish idiot _you_ could have done Lockie's transplant a year ago to save this entire thing!" he roared without much thought.

But when he noticed Rube step back in shock at his words and look back up at him with tears building in his eyes did he realise he probably shouldn't have said that. He'd basically just blamed Rube for Lockie's cancer. Rube shook his head and started to back away from him slowly as a tear escaped his eye.

Ethan stepped towards him carefully but Rube grabbed his guitar case and ran out of the chapel, "Rube I'm sorry, I didn't mean that!" Ethan shouted after him but he'd already left. He sighed deeply and sunk back into his chair.

Rube ran through the hospital corridors, wiping his tears away as he took his steps. He ran all the way to Lockie's room where he burst through the door and let out a sigh of relief when he saw Lockie sat awake and talking to a doctor, all his family were sat around.

"You okay buddy?" his father asked.

He managed to nod but he kept his eyes on Lockie; Lockie smiled at him.

"Right then Lachlan..." The doctor began.

"It's Lockie" Lockie mumbled under his breath as he looked up at the doctor.

"Your tests came back clear and so we can start working on the transplant soon, I'm just going to check you over to check that everything is normal today and we can start you back on the chemo" he smiled as he placed his stethoscope in his ears.

"Today?" Lockie swallowed hard.

"Yes, the sooner the better" the doctor smiled as he examined him, Rube watched him warily. "Right your obs look fine considering the scare you had yesterday, how are you feeling within yourself?" the doctor asked.

"I hate hospitals" Lockie admitted. Ethan's words echoed through Rube's mind as he watched his little brother but he was still adamant Lockie would never give up and Ethan had it wrong.

"Ah well we're here to help you" The doctor reassured him with a smile.

Lockie held his head down, "...I-I, feel a bit sick" he whispered.

"Right...okay, perhaps we should give the chemo a miss for today then..." the Doctor continued his explaining but his voice faded away as realisation grew across Rube, he looked at the expression on his younger brother's face and remembered what Ethan had told him.

"You're lying." Rube spat out with his eyes fixed on Lockie cutting the doctor off mid-way through explaining.

Everyone looked at him shocked, including the doctor.

"Rube!" his father snapped.

"He's lying" Rube told him standing his ground, "you're lying aren't you Lockie?" he asked as he stepped toward him.

"No..." Lockie replied.

"Yes you are!" Rube shouted; he could always tell when Lockie was lying.

"Look if he says he's sick then he's sick" Cal snapped from across Lockie's bed.

"No!" Rube protested, "Look, Lockie you're seriously ill and you know it, if you keep putting treatment off then you're going to die, is that what you want eh?! You've come this far and you're just going to give up just like that because you're scared of a little chemo? You're a fighter Lockie I know you are, don't give up okay? Don't lose hope promise me!" he begged, Lockie looked at him with tears in his eyes.

"Ruben!" his father warned as he stood to his feet.

"Lockie tell them the truth, you don't feel sick you're just scared to have chemo again, don't lie Lockie please, it might be too late by time you feel ready, heck you might not ever feel ready! Just start chemo again now, you've got my lucky hat to hide your hair, please Lockie" Rube told him desperately trying to get through to his ten year old brother.

"Get out!" His dad shouted and stood before him, cutting off his view of Lockie.

Rube was taken aback in shock, "...What?" he whimpered as he looked at him.

"Get out now!" His dad roared as he grabbed him and pushed him out of the room.

He froze outside the room as his dad shut the door behind him and left him in the corridor alone. He was completely in shock; he didn't even have an emotion to describe how he felt. He'd argued with his father many times but never when he was sober and he'd never heard him use that tone before. He looked over his shoulder at his family in the room and then stormed off down the corridor. He still couldn't put his finger on his emotions but he had to get them out somehow. He made his way through to the nursing station where he stopped dead as tears built in his eyes again, everyone looked toward him warily.

"Argh!" he roared as he launched his fist hard into the nearest wall and allowed his tears to fall as he rested head against it.

"Everything okay?" Robyn's voice asked softly.

"Oh yeah everything's fantastic" he spat out sarcastically. He then turned to look at Robyn who looked surprised at his remark, "I'm sorry" he sighed, he couldn't push another person away he'd already lost Ethan and his family.

"It's okay" she smiled sympathetically as she noticed the tears in his eyes, "Lockie's okay isn't he?" she asked fearing the worst.

"Yeah" Rube replied as he swallowed hard and closed his eyes to try to stop his tears from forming.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Robyn proposed.

Rube opened his eyes and looked at her, why was she being so nice to him? This just made him want to cry more, "No" replied as he burst into tears once more.

"Come here" she whispered as she wrapped her arms around his body, after a slight pause he did the same to her and rested his chin against her head.

Hours had passed and Rube sat in the now empty staff room alone and getting lost in his own thoughts; what a great start to his Christmas Day. Ethan made his way in warily now dressed in his normal clothes, "Rube..." He spoke as he sat down next to him, he didn't reply, "Robyn spoke to me and told me what happened"

Rube frowned at him, he trusted Robyn not to say anything.

"She's worried about you" Ethan explained, "I'm so sorry about what I said earlier I really am" he told him sincerely.

"You're right though" Rube finally spoke.

"What?" Ethan asked surprised.

"You're right about everything, I got to the room and Lockie was already losing hope Ethan. He was lying to put the chemo off, he's going to die" he said, his voice was completely worn out, it showed no emotion.

"Well I've just spoken to Cal who said you were right, Lockie told the truth about lying and he's up there now starting his chemo" Ethan smiled.

Rube looked up at him surprised but then he looked back down, "my family still hate me though" he muttered.

"They don't hate you Rube" Ethan told him but Rube didn't listen, "look, you look exhausted. I'm about to go home to freshen up, do you want to come with and get some sleep? You can stay in Cal's room" he suggested.

Rube looked up at him confused, "how can you still be nice to me after what I said to you?" He asked.

"Because right now you're as lonely as me, or at least as lonely as you think I am" Ethan replied, "and of course I'm going to help you, you're my brother after all" he smiled slightly, Rube smiled too and nodded.

"Come on then" Ethan stood up, "oh and don't forget your baby" he joked as he walked towards the door.

Rube laughed, picked up his guitar case and followed him out of the room.


	21. Chapter 21

**Hello everyone! Did everyone enjoy last night's Casualty? Poor Ethan and Cal :( I just want to hug them both! Here's the next update, we meet two new characters and discover much more about one...this is probably the longest chapter I've ever posted and so I apologise if it's too long, I hate when chapters go on and on and on and so I'll try and avoid doing that for the rest of this story. Anyways, please let me know your thoughts on this chapter I'm intrigued on what you'll make of it, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

 ***Warning this chapter contains possible triggers***

* * *

Home for the holidays – Chapter Twenty-one

Ethan and Rube made their way through the ED together laughing hysterically; Rube had his guitar over his shoulder. Cal, who was stood at reception, made his way over and watched them amused as tears of laughter streamed down Rube's face, Ethan took off his glasses to dry his eyes as he still continued to chuckle.

"Care to share the joke?" Cal chuckled; their laughter was contagious.

But it only caused them to laugh more, Rube hunched over as he laughed, "Ethan..." He began trying to explain but he couldn't speak without bursting out into a fit of laughter again, "Ethan tried to make, some...what even was it?" Rube laughed.

"It was supposed to be cheese on toast" Ethan explained with a smile.

"Seriously?!" Rube asked before he burst out laughing again, Cal smiled along though he had no clue what the pair were going on about. Rube took a deep breath to compose himself, "Ethan tried making cheese on toast for breakfast but he forgot about it and ended up burning it so the fire alarm is screeching everywhere at 6am on Christmas morning around the entire block of flats, he couldn't reach the alarm to switch it off so he had to get me up to do it, the flat was covered in smoke, the breakfast was black and rock hard, he had neighbours knocking on the door complaining and he's stood there arguing with them saying "where's your Christmas spirit?!" it was the funniest thing ever" Rube laughed hysterically with Ethan once more.

"You had to be there" Ethan told Cal with a smirk.

Rube cleared his throat and began singing, "No silent night, no holy night, nothing's calm, nothing's bright because it's covered in smoke!" He sung as he and Ethan chuckled again.

"Oh well I'm glad you two are getting on" Cal rolled his eyes.

"How's Lockie?" Rube asked.

"...not too good" Cal admitted. Rube and Ethan's smiles dropped instantly, "the chemo has got to be strong to kill off as many cancerous cells as it can before they start the transplant, he's not taking it well, he looks awful just a heads up" Cal explained.

"Right" Rube nodded as he prepared himself.

"He'll be happy to see you though, you should go up" Cal smiled sympathetically.

"I will do" Rube nodded as he made his way to the lift and pressed the button, "Are you coming up?" He asked Ethan.

"I'll be up soon" Ethan told him as the lift doors opened.

Robyn walked through the doors with Lofty and Max with a frown etching her face, "I can't believe we're working Christmas Day, this is going to be the worst day ever" she sulked as she made her way to reception, not even noticing Rube.

Rube turned to the doors the second he heard her voice, he followed her with his eyes as she walked past. He looked up at the wall to find some mistletoe hung there as a decoration, he pulled it down and made his way over to her holding it behind his back. He tapped her on her right shoulder but stood at her left, she laughed when she saw it was him.

"Surely Christmas in here can't be _that_ bad nurse Miller?" He teased.

"There is nothing that can change my mood, it's Christmas morning I should be at home in my pjs opening presents and watching movies, not cleaning up people's sick" she whined.

Rube held the mistletoe above her head but she hadn't noticed, "Maybe I could help contribute to at least trying to make you smile today?" He asked as he gestured with his eyes to the mistletoe above her head.

She looked up confused, "Oh" she spoke in realisation and her face turned bright red.

He smiled at her beautifully and pressed his lips against hers causing everyone to stare, Max and Lofty's jaws dropped.

"Merry Christmas Robyn...with a Y" Rube winked and placed the mistletoe in her hands. She was stood frozen in shock as Rube walked back over to the lift. Cal and Ethan looked at him knowingly.

"I'm a straight man and even I'm jealous you've just got to kiss him" Max spat out as he placed his hands on Robyn's shoulders.

"Oi oi, is that bad boy Ruben Wolfe I see?" A girl's voice called from the ED entrance. It was yet another voice that owned an Australian accent, but it was a much softer accent than anyone else in Cal's family.

Rube turned to face the doors and a smile grew across his face instantly as a young girl walked into reception with her hands filled with Christmas bags a boy at her side holding some more bags and some flowers. Straight away Ethan knew this girl belonged in Cal's family because she was just as attractive as the rest of them. She was tall, thin, blue eyed, she had long thick blonde hair that flowed down her back, her face was defined, her waist was thin, her legs went on for days; she was beautiful.

"Vicky!" Rube announced as he walked over her with open arms, "you took your time" he said as he hugged her.

"You need to stop growing!" She told him as she pulled away from him.

He then turned to her boyfriend and shook hands with, "you alright bro?" Her boyfriend asked.

"Alright Danny, you been looking after our Vic?" Rube asked protectively.

"As always buddy" Danny smiled as he put his arm around Vicky's shoulder.

"Cal!" She smiled as he walked over and they hugged. Ethan stayed back awkwardly.

"Merry Christmas eh!" Danny announced.

"Yeah..." Cal replied and exchanged an awkward glance with Rube; the day didn't feel very merry.

"Ah Rube I've been looking forward for this trip, can't wait to get back out with my drinking buddy" Danny put his arm around him.

"Actually, I've give up drinking now" Rube replied.

"What?!" Danny snapped.

"Is it because of this eh?" Vicky asked as she poked Rube's stitched up nose.

"Hey it hurts enough without you whacking it!" Rube told her with a smirk.

"Aw is tough boy Rube hurting? Aw bless my cute little baby brother come here" she teased treating him as if he were a baby; she pinched his cheeks hard.

"Get off" Rube rolled his eyes and pushed her hands away.

"How long have you not drank for then?" Danny asked.

"Well...I only stopped yesterday" Rube replied.

"Oh come on! Have a drink tonight mate it's Christmas! Make it your New Year's resolution; don't tell me you're going to be sober for New Year's Eve!" Danny tried to twist his arm.

"Nah mate I'm sticking to it, I need to it prove to myself that I can do it" Rube replied responsibly.

"Okay then, good on you" Danny patted him on the back.

"How's the little man doing anyway?" Danny asked.

"I haven't seen him yet today I was just on my way up" Rube replied looking at Vicky, "but Cal said he's not doing too well today, he's started on chemo again" he said, concern grew across Vicky's face instantly.

"How're mum and dad?" She asked.

"They're dealing with it well" Rube told her.

She nodded, "And you?" She asked sincerely.

Rube hesitated for a moment, "let's go up and see him eh?" He asked changing the subject and made his way back over to the lift with her, Danny followed them.

"How's his list coming along?" Vicky asked.

"Good, he's got loads done" he told her as the lift doors opened.

"I've got him a toy snake for one of his Christmas presents, mum would never let him get s real one but I think he'll get it" she smiled as they walked into the lift.

"He'll love that, he'll give it a tick off on the list" Rube laughed as the doors shut.

"Why didn't Rube answer that question?" Ethan asked warily.

Ca shrugged and made his way to the shop.

"Cal..." Ethan said warily as he followed him, he knew Cal was hiding something.

"If he hasn't told you it's not my place to say" Cal told him as he looked at the magazines for Lockie.

"Caleb, it's me, you can tell me..." Ethan said starting to get concerned, Cal's sighed and looked at him, "you can trust me" Ethan looked him in the eye.

He hesitated for a moment, but he knew Ethan wouldn't give up nagging him so he'd be better coming out with it that leaving Ethan to ask Rube up front, "Rube suffers from depression Ethan" Cal told him, Ethan stepped back in shock, "it's not a new thing, he's been fighting his demons for years" He added.

"Cal, I had no idea..." Ethan's voice trailed off, "I mean I knew he had issues but..." He trailed off again as he thought.

"Yeah well don't be bringing it up or changing the way you act to him because he's taken to you Ethan and believe me with him that's rare" Cal told him.

Ethan couldn't help but feel privileged but it felt so wrong after what he'd just found out, "How long has he had it?" He asked.

"He's not the person you know now, he used to get bullied at school and stuff since primary school I think it was, he's had to switch schools loads of times, he got properly diagnosed when he was sixteen but I think, from what I've heard anyway, it started much _much_ earlier. Everything with Lockie hasn't helped either. That's why he drinks and smokes so much; they help him find relief so we're all wondering how he'll survive without them" Cal explained.

Ethan shook his head in disbelief, "How bad is it?" He asked.

"How long's a piece of string?" Cal shrugged, "it varies, he gets himself in really dark places sometimes" he added.

"Would he ever cause harm to himself?" Ethan asked in dread.

All his brother's questions were getting to him, especially when they were on such a dark topic, "Look I haven't given it much thought Eth, and I don't really want to to be honest." Cal snapped.

"I can't believe it." Ethan shook his head.

"He's meant to be on antidepressants but he doesn't take them" Cal told him, "but you sort of forget about it really, I had until he had that break down yesterday and hugged me" he explained as the pair left the shop.

Upstairs Rube, Vicky and Danny walked into Lockie's room. He was lying on his side curled up holding onto his comfort blanket. His eyes were closed though he wasn't asleep, his cheeks were tear stained, he looked so ill, he looked small, thin, it didn't even look like him. He had Rube's black hat placed on his head and tubes attached to his arm, if you followed the tube up it was attached to a clear bag with a yellow label and the word 'chemotherapy' written in big black letters.

Rube was taken aback by the state of his little brother at first, shot a glance at his parents and smiled at them slightly before he kneeled down in front of Lockie, "Hey buddy" he whispered.

Lockie opened his eyes to look at him and then closed then again, "you've got some visitors" Rube told him.

Vicky kneeled down next to Rube and smiled at Lockie, "Hi Lockie, its Vicky" she told him.

Lockie looked at her and managed to smile, "going through this again eh?" She smiled sadly as she stroked some of his hair from his eyes, "you're so brave lovey" she kissed him on the head.

"Lockie we've got loads of presents for you when you feel up to it" Danny told him.

"Thank you" Lockie mumbled.

Vicky walked over to her parents, handed her mum a bunch of flowers and her dad one of the Christmas bags filled with presents "Merry Christmas" she smiled as she hugged them both.

"Oh you look gorgeous Victoria" Myra smiled as she gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Mum, dad how about you and Vic and Danny go back to the hotel for a coffee something? You could do with some sleep as well mum" Rube suggested; he was still kneeled down before Lockie.

"I'm not leaving Lockie on his own" Myra replied.

"I'll be with Lockie he's fine, plus there's Cal and Ethan as well don't worry" Rube told him.

"Okay, if you're sure?" Myra asked as she walked over to Rube.

"Yeah go for it, we'll be fine won't we kiddo?" He held his hand out for Lockie to high five. The boy slowly lifted up his weak hand and gently placed it on the palm of Rube's as the best he could do of a high five; he then intertwined his fingers with his older brother's and closed his eyes again. Rube held on to Lockie's hand tightly and smiled sadly.

"Thanks Ruben" His mother kissed him on the head, "He's a bit nauseas Rube so keep that bowl by him" she told him, "We won't be long honey" she kissed Lockie.

"Get some sleep mum" Rube told her and everyone left.

"Right then..." Rube sighed, "What shall we do?" he asked as he sat forward in his chair.

Lockie rolled his eyes, "I can't move, every time I move I go sick" He told him.

"Right okay then...something that doesn't involve moving" Rube thought.

"Sleep" Lockie mumbled and closed his eyes.

"Okay" Rube smiled, "You sleep and I can have a play on my new guitar" He grinned excitedly as he pulled it out of its case and held it gently in his hands as he examined it, "Ah you beauty" he whispered as he pulled up a chair beside Lockie and sat admiring it. He began playing it, singing quietly to himself as he did so, getting lost in his music as Lockie fell asleep. Many songs later Lockie rolled over in his sleep, Rube didn't even notice he was that lost in his playing; imagining himself on stage in his with each strum of his guitar. Suddenly Lockie shot up in his bed and covered his mouth with his hands; Rube placed his guitar down instantly snapping back into the room and stood up to Lockie's aid.

"What's up?" Rube asked him desperately, "Help!" he shouted out the door, Lockie pointed to his mouth and realisation grew over him suddenly, "Oh! The bowl!" he said as he reached over Lockie's bed to receive it but it was too late and Lockie vomited all over him, "Great" Rube sighed as he looked down at his shirt gagging at the smell of it.

"I'm sorry" Lockie cried.

"Was my singing _that_ bad?" Rube teased, but Lockie still continued to cry, "Hey Lockie don't worry it wasn't your fault" Rube told him as he rubbed his back.

Cal and Ethan hurried in; "Ah" Ethan spoke in realisation as he noticed vomit-covered Rube.

"We had a bit of an accident" Rube told them.

"Come on let's get you cleaned up" Ethan smiled at Rube and led him towards the door.

"Are you okay matey?" Cal asked Lockie as Rube and Ethan left.

"I stink" Rube stated holding his breath.

"I've been here before, many, _many_ times" Ethan told him as he walked into a cupboard and pulled out a grey scrub top for Rube to change into, "It's strange how the only one in your size is the one Cal used to wear" Ethan laughed as he led him through to the bathroom.

"I'll text my mum and get her to bring me a change of clothes" Rube told him.

Ethan closed the door behind them. Rube pulled off his vomit-covered t-shirt and threw it to the floor, as he did Ethan couldn't help but stare as he noticed something on the boy's torso, just below where his crucifix hung.

"They're called abs" Rube joked as he noticed Ethan's starring.

Ethan tore his eyes off Rube's torso and instead fixed them on the ground, "...no, the-the cuts" Ethan stated in shock.

Rube's eyes shot down to his torso and then back up at Ethan, he tried to snatch the clean shirt off him but Ethan grabbed his arm, "Your arms too?" He asked, "Oh Rube..." He sighed and looked up at him sympathetically.

Rube ragged the shirt from him and put it on quickly, "I bet my mum never imagined I'd be wearing a doctor's uniform one day" He laughed as he examined it.

"Rube why...?" Ethan asked sadly.

"Because I'd never be a doctor" Rube laughed.

"No, you _know_ what I mean" Ethan pushed.

"It's none of your business" Rube replied sternly and walked over to the urinal.

Ethan stayed back awkwardly thinking how to go about this, "...Rube I can get you help you know" he stated.

Rube held his head back and smiled, though it was more of a smile in vain; "I don't want it" he shrugged.

Ethan shook his head; "But-" Rube cut him off as he flushed the urinal and turned to face him.

"Ethan stop" he told him as he walked over to wash his hands.

" _Why_?" Ethan mumbled. He couldn't comprehend why the boy would hurt himself.

"...It makes me feel better" Rube shrugged.

"But why on your body and your upper arms? I've never seen people cut there before" Ethan stated confused.

Rube sighed and splashed his face with water, "I used to cut him forearms because it was easier but that was when I was in secondary school, people started to notice and called me an attention seeker so I stopped doing it where people can see" he told him. Now he mentioned it Ethan could make out the faded scars on Rube's forearms, "But it got addicting, you know" he added as he put his arm up his shirt and ran his fingers over his cuts.

"Ruben..." Ethan sighed, "I had no idea-" Rube cut him off.

"Oh belt it Ethan!" He shouted, "Stop acting like Cal hasn't already told you I'm depressed, I'm not stupid" he snapped.

Ethan didn't know how to reply...

"And before you ask why I'm depressed the answer is I don't know, I just get these thoughts and it's horrible, when I drink I forget them, that's why I drink so much oh and before you ask why I haven't killed myself yet, don't think I haven't thought about it because I have, I had it planned out and everything but it's against my religion, God made this life and I'm not the one who's allowed to take it away, that's his job...that's the only thing that's stopped me" He admitted as he ran his hands through his hair.

"You feel trapped" Ethan stated now starting to understand.

Rube nodded in reply.

"Your parents, do they know?" Ethan asked warily, Rube tilted his head and Ethan nodded, "They think you've stopped because you don't do it where they can see anymore" Ethan sighed, Rube nodded.

"They've got enough on with Lockie, I don't want them worrying" Rube told him, "but I'm getting better now anyway...on my own" he smiled slightly.

"Rube you're not better if you're still hurting yourself" Ethan stated carefully.

Rube pulled his top back up exposing his cuts once more, "They've healed over now look, they're scabby, and most of them are faded. Come on Doctor Hardy, you know they aren't fresh wounds. I'd actually managed to forget about them until now" He said.

Ethan examined them and then nodded in agreement; there weren't any new cuts but that meant nothing. Rube was obviously going through his own thing, no wonder he had barriers up...Ethan then became very aware that this trip was no longer just about Lockie. Ethan looked up at him and suddenly his barriers were gone; he looked vulnerable and worn out, not the Rube everyone knew which made Ethan question...which was the true Rube? Tough guy Rube? Or was that just an act.

"Look Ethan, I trust you, let's just keep this between us okay?" Rube proposed. Ethan kept his head down; he couldn't promise that, "I'm strong enough to get through this and I know it. Something hit me not long ago and it made me see that I'm being selfish, Lockie was cooped up in hospital fighting for his life and I was thinking about ending mine...so I'm living for him now. Ethan, I'm okay, I'm not great, but I'm okay" He smiled reassuringly at him, Ethan nodded at him; he wasn't going to tell anyone Rube's secret but it did make him see him in a completely different light.


	22. Chapter 22

**Hi everyone! Sorry about the delay of this chapter I've been busy and ill and so I haven't had much time to write, however it's here now! There was a problem with my last chapter meaning I had to delete and re-publish it and so if you've missed that it may be beneficial for you to have a read as it was quite a big chapter. Anyways, I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays - Chapter twenty-two

Ethan and Rube made their way back to Lockie's room; Ethan had given Rube a staff hoodie to put on over his scrub top so no one mistook him for a doctor whilst he was waiting for his parents to bring him a change of clothes, though Ethan was sure no one had ever seen a doctor wearing ripped jeans before, well not at Holby at least, maybe it was a St. James' thing...

With the new information Ethan had just discovered about Rube there was definitely an elephant in the room as they made their way back in an awkward silence.

"So..." Ethan broke the silence, "Did you manage to get some sleep at mine before I woke you up nearly by burning the building down?" Ethan asked which caused Rube to smirk.

"Yeah, I did" Rube replied. Ethan waited, knowing that they weren't the last words that were going to leave his mouth, "I had a dream about Lockie" he told him.

"Oh really?" Ethan nodded, "what happened?" He asked.

Rube looked towards his feet as they walked, "he, he um..." He trailed off, "he was better" he stated, Ethan looked up at him sadly, Rube Looked at him suddenly, "but it was so real Ethan, I could've sworn it was real" he shook his head, Ethan noticed tears building in Rube's eyes as he looked down, he looked up at Ethan and smiled, "me and you, we came here to visit him, like we did today, and as I turned down this corridor I heard him shout my name and he was right at the other end of the corridor down there and he just...ran to me, with this big smile on his face, it was like when we used to race each other when we were little..." He smiled as he reminisced, "and then he just jumped into my arms and he hugged me so tight, I asked him what had gotten into him and he told me he was better, I laughed at first, I told him he was being ridiculous and he shook his head and said 'No Rube, I'm better the leukaemia is gone...I beat cancer's butt' and he hugged me again, and then I saw mum and dad and Cal at the end of the corridor and they were smiling, like properly smiling...I haven't seen mum smile like that in years. I took Lockie's hat off and he had all his hair there, like before he first got diagnosed, when it was thick and longer and healthy and I kissed him on the head and he told me to stop being soppy and then asked me to play chess with him as he got down out of my arms and then...then the fire alarm went off and I woke up to world war three" he joked causing Ethan to roll his eyes, "...and it was all real again" Rube mumbled in a more serious tone.

"I used to have dreams like that when my mum got diagnosed" Ethan told him, "I suppose when you hope for something so much it plays on your mind and you dream about them, but then you wake up and it's like your world shatters, just like it did when they first got diagnosed again when you discover it was just a dream and you're back to square one" He explained; he understood what he was going through, Rube nodded slowly and they both stopped before Lockie's door. "Ruben, you don't have to go in there yet you know, we can go and talk for a while if you want?" Ethan suggested carefully.

"No" Rube replied, "Lockie needs me" he stated and opened the door; all the character seemed to have disappeared from his voice, he sounded distant and worn out. He walked in with a huge smile on his face as he unzipped his hoodie and exposed his Doctor's scrub top, Ethan watched him sympathetically because he knew his smile was all an act. Lockie and Cal laughed at the thought of Rube being a doctor.

"So what have you two been up to since we've been gone?" Rube asked, he now sounded back to normal.

"We've been looking at my bucket list" Lockie replied, he now seemed less ill, he was sat up in his bed and had a smile on his face.

Lockie handed his bucket list to Rube and he read it, "Right, raising money for leukaemia has been underlined like five times so I'm guessing that's next on our priorities?" he asked.

"Yep" Lockie smiled.

"Ah well, I suggested leukaemia for the staff's chosen charity to raise money for this year" Ethan announced.

"Really?!" Lockie asked amazed, Ethan nodded, "Thank you Ethan!" Lockie's face had completely lit up though it felt so wrong that a ten year old's face should light up from such a thing.

"Budge up" Rube told him as he moved beside his bed.

"What?" Lockie asked him.

"You heard, move over" Rube winked.

Lockie rolled his eyes and moved his weak body over for his brother to get in next to him on his hospital bed. Rube picked him up slightly to help him when moving and then sat down beside him.

"Right then, fundraising" he announced and everyone started to think.

"We could do a marathon!" Lockie announced; everyone looked at him confused.

"It's just taken it out of you moving from this side of the bed to the other, how the hell are you going to run a marathon?" Rube asked bluntly causing them all to laugh.

"Maybe not that then" Lockie giggled.

"Maybe something involving the hospital? It is our chosen charity after all we should use that to our advantage" Ethan suggested.

"Rube should busk, he always gets loads of money when he busks" Lockie proposed.

"How is that involving the hospital?" Cal asked.

"Yeah and I don't want that pressure, I don't know what your audiences are like I might end up with like ten dollars and have to start begging" Rube laughed.

" _Pounds_ not dollars" Lockie corrected him.

"No, no Lockie might be on to something there..." Ethan spoke out, "We could get the staff involved somehow, like a staff choir, Rube you can play guitar and the staff can sing, Christmas songs or something. Lockie you can come down too if you're feeling up to it, what do you think?" Ethan asked enthusiastically.

"Yeah!" Lockie excitedly.

"I'm okay with playing for you guys" Rube smiled.

"I'm just glad I'm not part of the staff anymore" Cal shook his head with a smirk.

"Hey! You've got to sing too!" Lockie told him.

"No, no, I'm _not_ a singer" Cal protested.

"Well I beg to differ, from what I know you could be a Tina turner impersonator" Ethan joked.

"Tina Turner?!" Rube laughed.

"Thanks for that" Cal replied sarcastically.

"Please cal, it's for charity!" Lockie pushed.

Cal looked at his little brother who sat in the hospital bed with his tubes of chemotherapy attached to his arm and had a look of innocence on his face, how could anyone say no to him? "Fine." Cal eventually gave in with a roll of his eyes. A mischievous look then grew over his face, "Hey! I've got another idea!" Cal announced, "We should auction off a date night with tough guy Rube" Cal nudged him with a smirk.

"Yeah!" Lockie spat out. Ethan nodded as he thought.

"No way!" Rube protested.

"Oh but Rube you could make so much money! Every girl that looks at you has a crush on you pleaseeeee!" Lockie pleaded.

"No" Rube stood his ground.

"But it's for charity" Lockie pushed.

"I don't care it's embarrassing" Rube shook his head.

Lockie looked down as tears built in his eyes; Rube looked down at him and sighed "fine okay I'll do it..." He said causing Lockie's face to light up, "...if Cal and Ethan do too" he spoke mischievously smirking at Cal whose plan had just blown up in his face.

"No no no, not going to happen" Ethan laughed at the thought.

"I've got the transplant to think about as well so I can't..." Cal told them.

"You're not getting out of it that easily! You can set a date night after you get out of hospital, I mean, it _is_ for charity after all... _Lockie's_ charity" Rube told him.

The door opened before either of them could give an answer, in walked Lockie's doctor, "How are you doing Lachlan?" He asked.

"It's Lockie" Rube told him, Lockie smiled at him gratefully.

"I'm okay" Lockie replied.

"Good" The doctor smiled, "I was actually hoping I'd catch you here Caleb" he turned to Cal.

"It's Cal" Rube announced causing everyone to smile knowingly.

"Cal..." the doctor began, "Are you ready for another G-CSF injection for the transplant?" he asked.

Cal shot a glance at Ethan and then back to the doctor, "Yeah, let's do it" Cal smiled as he stood up.

"Great, you know where I'll be" the doctor smiled and left.

Cal looked at Ethan warily, "G-CSF injections? Why didn't you tell me you'd started treatment Caleb?" Ethan snapped.

Rube considered correcting Cal's name once more but the seriousness in Ethan's tone caused him to leave it.

"It's what I have to do during the run up to having the transplant, Lockie has chemo and I get injections to help simulate the cells to-" Ethan cut Cal off.

"Yeah I know what it is" He stopped him, "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

Cal shook his head in disbelief at how his brother was acting, "It's no big deal Ethan" he told him with a smile.

"What about side effects Caleb? Have you not considered-" Cal was now the one to cut Ethan off.

"What side effects Ethan? They're nothing compared to what Lockie has been through and is still going through" Cal shrugged.

"Have you had any?" Ethan asked standing his ground.

Cal rolled his eyes, "I had a bit of a headache after the last one but that's it" he told him.

Ethan pressed the back of his hand against Cal's forehead, "You're burning up!" he spat out protectively.

Cal pushed his hand away, "Ethan, stop" he spoke firmly, "I'm going to get my injection" he told him.

"Okay, I'm coming too" Ethan announced.

Cal sighed deeply, "Ethan I don't need someone to hold my hand it's just an injection, stay here with Lockie" he snapped.

" _I'm coming too_ " Ethan repeated standing his ground once more.

Cal rolled his eyes and reluctantly nodded, "Rube will you be okay with Lockie?" he asked him.

"Yeah" Rube replied and put his arm around Lockie playfully.

"Okay, we won't be long" Cal told them and the pair of them left.

After his injection Cal and Ethan made their way back to Lockie's room where both Rube and Lockie had fallen asleep, Rube had his arms around his little brother as they slept and Lockie had himself buried into Rube's chest; it warmed Cal and Ethan's heart to see.

"We've got that exact picture of us" Cal laughed, "remember when you were in hospital that time when we were little and I came in to see you with mum and we ended up falling asleep?" he asked.

"Remember? That picture haunted me for years, she even had it up in her room when she was put into care all the nurses would always tease me about it when I'd visit" Ethan shook his head but he could help but smile.

Both of them paused for a moment to watch the two young boys sleeping as silence fell over the room.

"I've got to be honest, I'm worried about this transplant" Ethan spoke out.

"Me too, if it doesn't work we're out of options" Cal replied looking at sleeping Lockie sadly.

"Yes, but that's not all that I'm worried about" Ethan told him, "you could be sick for a while afterwards Caleb" he stated.

Cal looked at him, "That's the least of my worries Ethan" he admitted.

"Yeah well it's not the least of mine" Ethan smiled slightly.

"Well you're going to have to look after me then" Cal put his arm around him.

"I think I'm a bit too big to curl up next to you in bed but I am a doctor so I should be able to help somehow" Ethan joked causing Cal to laugh.

"Eth, the transplant will only take about three hours and I'm sitting up and awake, it will just be like really long blood donation" Cal reassured him with a smile but Ethan being Ethan couldn't help but worry for his brother.


	23. Chapter 23

**Hi everyone! Here's the next chapter, the fundraising begins, I hope you enjoy! Please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

Home for the holidays – Chapter twenty-three

It was now night, Christmas night. Lockie had finished his chemotherapy session for the day. Rube, Cal and Ethan had spent the majority of the day working on fundraising for Lockie focusing on the staff choir. Everyone had kindly offered to stay behind for a while after their shifts to perform and hopefully raise some money for leukaemia, even though it was Christmas night and they had only had two rehearsals thrown together in the staff room which surprisingly went well as Rube pulled out his secret weapon.

"Everyone! This is Margret...like the river" he announced as he walked through the staff room door with two guitars and an old woman following behind him.

Ethan recognised her from the day before; she was the hospital chaplain.

"Margret does this stuff all the time so she's in charge now, me and her are going to play guitar, and she's got the sheet music to every Christmas song there has ever been in history so grab yourself a sheet and let's start practising" he ordered and everyone did, surprisingly in a happy mood considering they were spending Christmas in hospital.

Receptionist Jack was in his element as Connie had given him the OK to put up some Christmas decorations around reception during the performance, Cal's sister Vicky and her boyfriend Danny gave him a hand. It was lovely to see everyone had come together just for Lockie. Cal and Ethan had even given in to do the auction dating tomorrow night which they were less excited for, but they'd do it; for Lockie.

Everyone gathered on the stairs in a now rather overly-festive looking reception ready to sing the two Christmas songs they had planned. The lift doors opened and out walked Myra, Jimmy and Cal who pushed Lockie in a wheelchair, he had his hospital gown on and Rube's black hat still placed on his head. Cal came and stood with Lockie right at the front of the crowd; Ethan was at his side. Myra and Jimmy watched on proudly as Vicky and Danny joined them, Vicky pulled out her camera to record it all.

Rube was sat in the front but to the side with his guitar in his hands and was surrounded by Robyn, Louise, a few other female nurses and even receptionist Jack as, although it seemed impossible, he looked even more attractive with whilst holding a guitar. Although he was getting a lot of female –and male in Jack's case- attention he kept his attention on Robyn as he spoke.

"Rube stop flirting and play will you!" Vicky joked from behind the camera which caused him to laugh.

Charlie stepped out of the crowd causing the attention to fall on him, "Right, thank you all for gathering to watch us, this is all for charity and so if I could draw your attention to the box placed on reception it would be lovely if you could spare some change, no matter how small. The charity that we're raising money for this year is Leukaemia. Some people have also kindly volunteered to be auctioned off for a date night which you can catch tomorrow night in the Hope and Anchor which is the pub across the road. Leukaemia is a type of cancer that affects the white blood cells and about 85% of cases occur in children under 15. This little boy here is called Lachlan, but we've grown to know him as Lockie. He's ten years old and he's from Australia, he is one of the strongest people I have ever met. He loves playing chess, watching Peter Pan and spending time with his brothers but instead of that his time has been used ticking off things on a list; his bucket list...as Lockie suffers from Leukaemia. He is seriously ill but he always so positive, I think we all could learn a thing or two from him. We, the staff here at Holby ED, could all be at home now, spending time with our families at Christmas but we've decided to stay and help Lockie achieve one of his biggest priorities on his bucket list which is to raise money for Leukaemia. Now, we've had about two proper rehearsals of this and so this could end terribly but we're giving it a go for him and so if you know the words then sing along too because we could use the extra support" Charlie announced to the watching crowd causing them to chuckle.

With a count in from Rube they began, singing their first song which was Silent Night. Rube played the melody on his guitar whilst Chaplain Margret played the accompanying chords. The staff sang, in as much harmony as they could manage; Lockie's voice singing proudly louder than everyone else's. After receiving a snarl from Ethan mid-verse Cal actually started to sing instead of miming the words, the crowd even joined in singing along with smiles gracing their faces. In surprise to everyone the performance flowed better than it had done in rehearsals, it was beautiful and there was not a dry eye in sight. After receiving an applause and watched as the crowds wiped away their tears they began their second song which was a bit more upbeat than Silent Night. Their second song was I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday which ended up sounding like a bunch of drunks who were fighting over the mic on karaoke night, though everyone was laughing and smiling as they sang, danced and rocked side to side, it was like a huge party and just so happened to take everyone's minds off the fact they were stuck in hospital on Christmas night just for a few minutes. Robyn and Ethan both fought for the most famous line in the entire song "It's Christmas!" but Lockie ended up out-doing the both of them. As they concluded everyone rushed over to reception to donate money in the boxes and then gathered around Lockie, who couldn't help but smile during his five seconds of fame. Rube stepped back and watched proudly as everyone fussed over his little brother, he had just enough time to share a kiss with Robyn before the crowds gathered around him too and he got swallowed away in them.

Ten minutes later and the crowds had died down leaving just a few people talking to Lockie about his condition Cal and Ethan at his side listening in, Rube was sat beside Lockie though he wasn't listening in, he was too busy fiddling with his guitar to care, the staff were still all gathered around by the stairs all still smiling and talking.

Rube could see someone hovering around him in the corner of his eye, he looked up to find a rather shifty looking man in a tracksuit looking at him, he flashed a smile at Rube, which Rube awkwardly returned before he looked back down at his guitar, trying to avert his eyes from the scar which ran down the man's neck.

"That guitar is a beauty" The man spoke starling Rube slightly.

"Thanks man" Rube replied casually and looked back down at it hoping that was all the man would have to say.

"What accent is that?" The man asked.

"Australian" Rube informed him as he looked back up at him.

"Oh right, so are you related to the little cancer kid?" The man asked in realisation.

Rube's blood boiled instantly, he shot a glance at Lockie hoping he hadn't heard the man's comment, "His name is _Lockie_ and yes he's my little brother" he replied sternly and looked back down at his guitar.

Another shifty looking man in a tracksuit stood at reception suddenly caught Rube's attention; he didn't like the look of these men at all. "Come and get a look at this!" the man with the scar shouted over to the other man at reception, "Must be about £2000 right?" he asked.

"Yeah that's right" Rube replied uneasily.

"It's really nice" The second man announced as he strummed his fingers across the strings.

"Yeah I know it is" Rube snapped as he slammed his fingers down on his guitar stopping the strumming sound the man had made; he didn't like anyone touching his guitar, not even Lockie, the price of it being the main reason and also the fact it was his pride and joy.

"Is it new?" The man with the scar asked.

"It was a Christmas present" Rube informed them, he tried to treat them like every other person from the crowd he had had the same conversation with tonight but something in him just couldn't; he didn't like the look of these men.

"Ah, nice" The man nodded, "Merry Christmas mate" the other man patted him on the back.

"Thanks" Rube forced out a smile and looked over to find Cal and Ethan watching him warily, they could tell by the look on his face he wasn't enjoying their company.

"So, do you play?" The man with the scar asked.

"No, my parents just paid two thousand dollars for me to sit and stare at it" Rube spat out sarcastically.

"Alright mate don't get your knickers in a twist" The man held his hands up.

"Don't snap your strings" The second man tried to joke.

Rube rolled his eyes and tried his best to ignore them.

"Rube has fans back home in Australia, everyone loves him" Lockie told them, his attention had now been caught by the men too.

"Oh I bet he does, I've never seen someone play silent night quite as good as that" The man with the scar spoke mischievously.

That was all that was needed to push Rube over the edge, he jumped to his feet and instantly squared up to the man, "I was playing for my brother" he spoke through gritted teeth.

"Rube!" Cal and Ethan yelled simultaneously warning him off knowing the only thing that had stopped him from doing this earlier was the fact he was trying to be a better person; he had promised to stop drinking, smoking and fighting but it was proving harder than he first figured.

"And you played very well is all I'm saying" The man replied calmly acting innocent as if he hadn't been purposely pushing Rube's buttons for the last five minutes. Rube was an easy target, he'd been an easy target all his life. As he grew up he became a target for very different reasons, especially now with the stitches on the bridge of his nose proving he was a fighter, but he was taller, more talented, and much more attractive than most men which seemed to automatically push the buttons of most men without him even trying but Rube wasn't a push over, he would put up a good fight and never would he even think to back down; he was far too proud to do that, that's where the problems would usually unfold for him.

Rube stood frozen using every urge within him not to hit the guy who was stood before him. The man with the scar kneeled down before Lockie and pulled out some money, "I hope you get better kid, here, put that in the box" he smiled and handed it to him.

"Thanks" Lockie replied awkwardly as he looked up at his older brother knowing how hard it was for him to fight the urge to fight.

"Look no hard feelings yeah?" The man stood up and smiled at Rube as he held out his hand for him to shake.

Rube clenched his fists at his side, "Ruben..." Ethan warned, Rube looked over at him and he gestured for him to shake the man's hand and so he did.

"Firm handshake there" The man spoke out impressed.

"Yeah, I'm a boxer" Rube informed him. Nobody but his family knew Rube took up boxing lessons as a child to help beat his school bullies.

"Oh, me too" The man replied quickly, "you're not a boxer!" the second man laughed, "Backstreet fighting counts right?" He looked at Rube. It suddenly became clear to Rube how the man had gotten his knife-wound scar on his neck, "I'll see you around" the man smiled at him and the pair of them left.

"What was that about?" Ethan was at Rube's side instantly.

Rube rolled his eyes and kneeled down to put his guitar back in its case ignoring Ethan.

"Lockie where did you get that money from?" Cal asked as he noticed the note in his little brother's hands.

"The man who argued with Rube gave me it and told me to get better" Lockie replied innocently looking up at him.

"That's a £50 note" Cal said as he took hold of it.

"What?" Lockie asked in shock and took it back "Woah" he spoke as he examined it, "I've never had that much money before" he told them amazed.

"That must've been a mistake surely?" Ethan asked as he looked around for the men, thinking they must have thought it was a smaller amount of money and he could return it to them but they'd already gone.

"Did you not see him? He's probably a drug dealer with a guilty conscience, at least his money is actually going to do some good for once" Cal shrugged and put the money in the charity box without a second thought.

"Come on Lockie, let's get you back up to your ward" Ethan smiled and took hold of his wheelchair.


	24. Chapter 24

**Happy Casualty day! I'll try and get two chapters posted today (don't hold me to that) here's the first one, I hope you enjoy. Please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter twenty-four

The next day everyone had gathered in the Hope and Anchor after their shifts ready for the auction dating which everyone seemed to be hyped up for...except the three taking part that was. Ethan spent the day working, which left him with less time with Lockie and he also hadn't had much sleep so he would much rather go home to bed than be auctioned off. Cal had had the last of his injections this morning and his day of donating was set to happen tomorrow. He had a knot of anxiety in the pit of his stomach which wouldn't shift until after Lockie's transplant, if his donation didn't work then that meant Lockie would be pretty much out of options to beat his cancer, he dread to think of that though. Cal would much rather be at home too because of these reasons and although he wouldn't admit to anyone especially Ethan, he was definitely feeling the side effects of his injections now but they were so minor compared to what Lockie was going through so it felt wrong to complain. Rube found the entire auction dating ordeal embarrassing and if it wasn't for charity he would have found a way to slip away somehow. Although Rube would get constant female attention, he didn't enjoy it much, he had actually started to get quite sick of it but he would definitely be using it to his advantage tonight.

Rube was stood at the bar with Ethan and Cal, where Honey was also sat slightly further down the bar with Robyn and Louise. Her and Ethan kept exchanging glances which no one else had noticed until them making their way over; Ethan's heart jumped to his throat in case they was coming to comment on his and Honey's flirting from a distance but then he realised Robyn was probably too busy doing the same with Rube.

"Hello lovely ladies" Rube smiled at them.

"Trying to get on the good side of us so we bid are you?" Honey joked.

"No" Rube laughed; "You don't have to bid to get a date with me" He smiled at Robyn who blushed immensely.

"You scrub up well boys" Louise announced as she looked them up and down, clearly impressed.

"What about you though Honey? Are you going to bid for our Ethan? I've noticed you two flirting" he nudged Ethan causing Cal to laugh.

"We haven't been flirting" Ethan spoke sternly trying to hide his embarrassment.

"What so you're telling me the pair of you don't still have feelings for each other?" Rube winked.

Ethan's face went bright red instantly, "Stop it" he warned and walked over to the rest of the staff with his drink in hand, Honey smiled knowingly.

"So who's going to buy us drinks then?" Louise asked Cal and Rube mischievously but directing her words mainly towards Rube.

"I'm not drinking tonight, I've got the stem cell donation tomorrow morning" Cal replied responsibly.

"Yeah and I'm not drinking at all" Rube nodded along.

"So? I didn't ask if you're drinking, I asked who's buying" Louise winked.

Rube rolled his eyes and pulled out his wallet, "I guess that's me then" he smiled and bought the girls drinks.

Cal, Ethan and Rube were now stood in the corner of the pub where Noel stood with a microphone waiting to start. Although none of them really wanted to be there they had all made an effort and where wearing suits, well, Ethan and Rube were wearing suits. Ethan had managed to twist Cal's arm into getting him to wear a shirt and suit pants, he completely turned down a tie and blazer, the last time he wore a full suit was his Ethan's mother's funeral and was adamant suits were for funerals and funerals alone, possibly weddings too, but that's all...this was the closest Cal would get to wearing suits. Rube however, had gone full out and borrowed a bow tie from Ethan for the night; Ethan just stuck to a regular tie.

"Right ladies, get ready to start bidding for your chance to win a date with one of these fine fellows right here" Noel spoke down the microphone and gestured to Cal, Ethan and Rube stood beside him, "Who's going first then?" He asked.

"I will" Cal sighed; he just wanted to get this over with.

Ethan let out a sigh of relief and shot a smile at Cal who rolled his eyes, "Are you feeling okay?" Ethan whispered.

"Yeah I'm fine" Cal lied, he was sick of protective Ethan constantly on his case.

"Here we have Cal, other than his obvious good looks he's also a doctor. The dashing Doctor Knight used to work here in our ED and I can honestly say he's a genuine good guy so let's start the bidding" Noel spoke down the mic.

"Have you been practising that?" Cal joked causing Noel to laugh.

"Right let's start at ten pounds!" The bidding began with a cheer from an excitedly awaiting crowd of drunken girls who were evidently on a hen night...unless they carry an inflatable man around on a casual night out...the already slightly tipsy ED staff also cheered along.

A date with Cal was sold to a drunken girl from the hen party clan for £110, she ran up to receive her prize excitedly and pulled him into the rest of the hen party girls who were all over him, any other night he'd be more than happy with this but Lockie playing in the back of his mind made him feel as though it would be wrong to enjoy himself.

Ethan volunteered to go next as he definitely didn't want to follow Rube. He stood awkwardly in front of everyone, "I've never felt this nervous in my life" He whispered to Rube as all eyes were on him.

"Says the doctor!" Rube laughed amazed at how this could cause him to be more nervous than having someone's life in his hands.

Ethan didn't like to be the centre of attention, he never had, he was constantly in the shadow of his overly-confident big brother Cal growing up and so he'd gotten used to it; he enjoyed it. He swallowed hard as he stood nervously in front of everyone, "What if no one bids?" he whispered to Rube who shook his head.

"You need to give yourself more credit, you're not half bad" Rube laughed. Ethan let out a shaky breath, "Calm down Nibbles, I've noticed a few people have got their eye on you tonight, believe me" Rube reassured him.

"Right, let's start on ten pounds again shall we?" Noel announced.

The few seconds between the end of Noel's sentence and someone calling out in the crowd felt like a lifetime.

"Here!" A girl from the hen party waved her hand up.

"Do we have twenty?" Noel continued.

"Here!" Another girl shouted out.

Ethan sighed with relief; at least he was off the starting post. The bidding went on and he actually started to enjoy being in the limelight, he'd never really had this much female attention before. He got to £80 and the bidding started to die down, he shared a smile with the girl who was bidding for him; she was part of the hen party but she looked out of place. First of all she seemed sober, she had chocolate brown hair and a fringe, she too wore glasses much like his ones. He came to the conclusion that he would happily take her out for a date. Just as Noel was about to call it receptionist Jack jumped up from the back table "Here!" he shouted causing the room to fall silent.

Ethan's smile dropped instantly, the girl who was bidding for him looked around at her friends awkwardly, "No..." Ethan mumbled as he watched them begin to whisper to one another, "I'm straight" he tried to reassure the girl but she looked away.

Rube found the entire thing hysterical but when he spotted Ethan's newly found confidence shatter he took it more seriously, "Rube, do something" Ethan whispered to him desperately.

"On it" Rube whispered back.

"Hey Honey!" He called over to her at the bar; she looked at him, "hi!" He waved at her, she waved back confused.

"Honey?" Noel spoke confused, "Was that a bid?" He asked.

"Rube!" Ethan snapped, "Noel is Honey's dad!" he told him.

"Oops" Rube replied awkwardly and stepped back away from it all.

"Oh, um... yeah okay go on then, why not?" she smiled in reply; Ethan looked at her stunned.

Noel looked at Honey and then to Ethan, who looked at him more awkwardly than ever, "Anyone else?" Noel asked.

Cal made sure Lofty and Max kept receptionist Jack firmly in his seat so he couldn't make any more bids.

"Sold to Honey for £100" Noel concluded and gave Ethan _a look_.

Ethan rushed over to Honey instantly, "I'm so sorry about that, you were caught completely off guard...look, how about I give in the money and we'll just forget this ever happened?" he proposed.

"I'll pay, it's for charity" Honey smiled, "and anyway, who said I didn't want a date with you?" she shrugged as she swirled her straw around in her drink.

Ethan was taken back completely, "What?" he asked in shock.

"I was going to bid but I'd feel ashamed if I got out-bid by someone" She replied.

"But Honey you don't have to pay £100 for a date with me" He replied awkwardly.

"I know. The money is for Lockie, the date is for me" she looked up at him and their eyes locked.

"I've missed you" he admitted.

"I've missed you too" she smiled, their faces slowly moved in together and their lips met at a kiss. Everyone cheered and clapped as they watched the pair; Noel smiled knowingly and turned to Rube.

"Right, you're next" he told him.


	25. Chapter 25

**Second update as promised. How will Rube's auction dating go? I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

 ***Trigger warning: there is talk about self harm in this chapter, if you could be triggered please don't read***

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Home for the holidays – Chapter twenty-five

Rube took the microphone off Noel and stood up on a table in front of him, still with his guitar and his back, "Attention!" He shouted, "Over here! Yeah we've still got some bidding to do!" he called causing people to look at him and not Ethan and Honey. The hen party girls wolf whistled him as they noticed him on the table; this is what everyone was _really_ waiting for. "Right ladies! They've saved the best 'till last, I'm the last chance we've got to raise money for leukaemia and so I'm not counting any sloppy bids, and I'm certainly not starting as low as those two did so let's say we start at £50?" Rube proposed mischievously and the bidding war began. The money got to two hundred before it started to settle down; it was between a girl from the hen party and a beautiful girl sat at a table by the door with her two friends.

Noel took the microphone back off him, "How about this...the winner will get drinks for their table bought for them all night by our tough guy Rube" Noel suggested keeping the bidding interesting, Rube shot a snarl down at him from the table.

"We'd rather have _him,_ not the drinks!" a girl from the hen party shouted and they all cheered, Rube smiled at them awkwardly and shot a glance at the girl at the door as if to say _"_ _please win"._

"Okay okay, how about this, Rube will buy your drinks all night and give the winner a peck right now?" Noel proposed.

Rube shot a glance at Robyn who was sat at the back of the room; she looked less than impressed, his smile dropped, "Noel, I'd rather not" Rube whispered but he couldn't hear him over all the drunken shouting.

The bidding started up on a hype again before the hen party girl gave in at £260 and the pretty girl at the door won. Rube stepped down from the table and walked over to her "I'm so happy you didn't give in, I think that girl would've eaten me alive" he joked to her. He'd raised money for Lockie and so his job was done.

"Rube, aren't you forgetting something?" Noel called down the microphone.

Rube looked at him confused; "You've got to kiss her that was the deal" Noel spoke mischievously. Rube figured Noel was somehow getting him back for conning his daughter into bidding for Ethan, but she was happy so what was the problem? Rube gave the girl a quick kiss on the cheek.

"No no, let's do this properly" Noel smiled, "How about the both of you get back up there?" he pointed to the table where Rube was just stood.

"No" Rube told him as he noticed Robyn sat at the bar with Louise looking over at him.

"Come on Rube, it's all in good nature" Noel teased.

"It's for Lockie!" Ethan shouted getting caught in the moment.

"Fine" Rube huffed; "I'm sorry about this" he spoke sincerely to the girl and picked her up by the waist to help her onto the table. This girl was stunning; if you were to create a girl to go along perfectly with Rube's level of attractiveness, this girl would be the creation made, she even caught Cal's eye and he was in no good mood, but the more he thought of it...she resembled Taylor quite a lot.

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" Receptionist Jack started off chanting before everyone else joined in. Rube sighed deeply to himself and looked up to smile at the girl, her pressed his lips against hers and everyone cheered. He then helped her down and took her to the bar to get her a drink where they got talking.

Robyn sat with Louise, Honey and Ethan looking over at Rube who was laughing with the girl.

"Just go over" Honey suggested.

"No, he seems happy enough, I mean look at them, they're perfect for each other. I was silly to think he'd even look in my direction let alone like me" Robyn shook her head.

"Hey, he's not going to be here forever, he'll be going back to Australia soon. He could have picked any girl in Holby and he picked you Robyn, enjoy it whilst it last" Louise tried to persuade her but she shook her head.

"Look, Robyn, I know Rube, I know what he's really like and he's probably sat there hoping that girl will just go away so he can come over here. He wasn't bothered about the date, he just wanted to make money for Lockie" Ethan told her sincerely and as if on cue Rube left the girl and made his way over.

"Hey" he smiled, everyone looked down awkwardly, "£260 for Lockie, he'll be buzzing" he spoke trying to get conversation going but no one replied, "Robyn?" he spoke surprised, "Can I talk to you?" he asked, she nodded reluctantly and the moved further up the bar to talk alone. Ten minutes later Robyn left Rube alone to sit with the staff.

Ethan made his way over awkwardly to see if he was okay, "Hey" he spoke softly, "Is everything okay?" he asked as he sat down beside him.

"Robyn hates me" he sighed, "She thinks I'm lying when I tell her I like her and I don't understand why, she's amazing" he shook his head baffled.

"I think Robyn might feel a bit awkward because of, well, you get _a_ _lot_ of attractive girls who like you" Ethan explained.

"Every one except her" Rube sighed and held his head in his hands.

Ethan looked at him amazed; even he thought it was weird for a guy like Rube to like a girl like Robyn. Like Louise said: Rube could get any girl in Holby...nothing against Robyn Ethan thought very highly of her but he wouldn't have put them two together in a million years yet here he was sat with Rube who was genuinely upset that he could have possibly lost Robyn. He had fallen hard for her. "You really like her don't you?" Ethan asked surprised.

Rube nodded, "it sounds ridiculous but...she makes me want to be a better person, you know, everything feels okay when I'm with her" Rube explained with a smile but it soon dropped, "I was ridiculous to think I could get a girl as amazing as her. I'm not good enough for her. It's like that man who I had a fight with on Christmas Eve said, anyone who leaves me has had a lucky escape" Rube stated.

It was then when Ethan was suddenly reminded of the fact that Rube suffered from depression. He shook his head and opened his mouth to speak just as Vicky and Danny walked in and made their way over.

"Hey bro" she spoke jokingly to Rube but then she noticed the look on his face, "what's up?" she asked.

"Nothing" he shrugged, "how's Lockie?" he asked.

"He's in a bad way; I've never seen him looking so awful. I think the fundraising yesterday took it out of him" she sighed.

Rube closed his eyes to stop his tears from building; was this ever going to end?

"Do you want a drink? I've bought everyone else one tonight, I may as well keep going until I'm skint" he changed the subject and pulled out his wallet.

"Tequila shots!" Danny announced as Cal made his way over.

"I'm not drinking I'm donating for Lockie first thing tomorrow morning" Cal explained.

"Can't you just have one?" Danny shrugged.

"I don't want to chance it" Cal replied responsibly.

"Right then, looks like it's just you and me Ethan!" Danny told him and ordered their drinks. Cal smirked at Ethan knowing full well how much he didn't enjoy tequila but he was feeling sorry for Danny not having anyone else to drink with. He took a deep breath prepared to drink, Danny counted down from three and they licked some salt off the back of their hand, downed their shots and then bit into a lemon; Ethan's face said it all.

"Next round!" Danny announced excitedly as he banged a drum roll down on the bar counter.

"No more" Ethan replied firmly; that drink alone made him feel drunk and he'd been drinking most of the night, Ethan wasn't one to mix his drinks. He sat back on his stool and rested his head in his hands as the room around him spun.

"What? Come on man, just one more" Danny tried to twist his arm.

"Ethan isn't one to drink Dan just leave it yeah?" Rube snapped, "Vic?" he asked.

"No I'm not drinking" she replied.

"You? Not drinking? You aren't pregnant are you?" he laughed, Vicky and Danny exchanged awkward glances, Rube's smile dropped, "Vicky?" he asked, "...You're pregnant?" he spoke stunned.

"...Rube I've been building myself up to tell you" she told him, "You're going to be an uncle" she spoke awkwardly to him and Cal.

Cal and Ethan's faces lit up instantly, "That's amazing Vic!" Cal smiled and hugged her.

"Congratulations!" Ethan told them.

Rube looked far less impressed, "please say this is a joke" he muttered, "you're too young Vicky!" he shouted.

"Rube I'm 22, I'm nearly 23!" she laughed.

"This isn't funny, you aren't even married!" he spat out.

"Well we're going to get married eventually" Danny butted in.

"And it's not like some random man has got me pregnant Rube Danny's been my best friend all my life" Vicky reasoned.

"You told me you'd look after her" Rube spoke to Danny through gritted teeth.

"I _do_ look after her" Danny replied sternly.

"By getting her pregnant?!" Rube roared as he stood to his feet, Cal stood in between him and Danny.

"Rube, I was more worried about telling you than I was mum and dad..." she told him desperately.

"Mum and dad know?" he asked.

She nodded, "and Lockie" she added, "It's going to bring us together as a family".

"How the hell is that going to happen when we live half the world away? This is just going to wreck your life Victoria you haven't even graduated university yet, how can you be so stupid-" she cut him off.

"Don't you dare call me stupid Ruben after the shit you've got up to in your life, this baby is going to be the best thing that has ever happened to me and guess what? It was planned, it wasn't just some silly little mistake we've had it planned out for months...and he's going to need his uncle" she smiled.

Rube looked at her in shock; it was a boy, "I'm going to have a nephew?" he asked.

"Yep...We haven't told anyone the sex yet" she smiled at him.

He shook his head, "he'll have two other uncles _and_ Ethan why would he need me?" he shrugged.

She looked at him in disbelief, "He'll need you like I need you...I can't lose you Ruben" she told him sincerely.

He shook his head and turned away. Vicky burst out into tears and ran out of the pub, Danny and Cal followed her out to check she was okay, Ethan debated following but he stayed with Rube.

"That wasn't fair Rube" he told him.

Rube shrugged his shoulders, "That baby is just another person for me to let down Ethan".

"I thought you said you were going to be there for your family not push them even further away!" Ethan continued.

"Another tequila shot please" Rube ordered and slammed some money down on the bar.

"I thought you said you weren't drinking Ruben?!" Ethan snapped.

"Oh well it looks like I say a lot of things I don't meant then don't I?!" Rube shouted. He watched as the barman prepared his drink, he pulled out a knife and stabbed it into a lemon, he gently pulled the knife down and sliced the lemon in half, the juice leaked out and dripped onto the chopping board beneath it...it reminded him of something. He was fixated by it.

"Ruben..." Ethan spoke haven noticed him staring at the knife.

Rube downed his drink as Ethan and Danny had done earlier and then ordered another.

"Rube, I know what you're thinking" Ethan told him softly, Rube downed that drink too and then looked up at Ethan, "you're thinking about hurting yourself?" he stated.

Rube didn't reply, instead he looked back at the knife the barman had left out and ran his fingers over his shirt on his chest where Ethan had discovered his faded cuts yesterday.

"Rube come on don't do this, you've gone so long without doing it you've done so well, don't wreck that!" Ethan tried to persuade him but he didn't reply. He tried to think as a doctor, "self-harm can sometimes be a cry for help, Rube we're all here to help you you know" He told him softly.

"I don't need help" Rube snapped.

Ethan looked at him sympathetically, "Is this about Robyn?" he asked trying to understand his sudden change in mood, when Rube didn't reply he guessed again, "Vicky?" he asked, "Lockie?"

"It's about me Ethan" Rube replied with tears building in his eyes, "I hate being me, I fuck everything up, I couldn't even donate cells to help make my little brother better...what type of person does that make me? I'm useless" he whispered.

"Useless? You've just made £260 for your brother's charity Ruben how on earth is that useless?" Ethan asked stunned.

Rube ran his hands through his hair, "it's not going to help _him_ though is it?" he stated.

"No...But it's going to help children just like him one day" Ethan replied carefully.

"Have you ever been addicted to anything?" Rube asked as his attention was brought back on the knife again.

"Of course" Ethan replied easily but he soon realised what Rube was getting at, "I've never been addicted to something that could put my life in danger though..." he added.

Rube sighed deeply and rested his head against the bar, "it's so hard Ethan" he whimpered as he looked back up and ran his hands over his face to wipe his tears away.

Ethan desperately thought of ways to help him, "What do you usually do to take your mind off hurting yourself?" he asked.

Rube looked at him warily, "I drink, and smoke...I play guitar" he sniffed.

"Do that then" Ethan told him "play guitar that is" he added.

"What? Here?" Rube looked at him confused.

The barman had caught the end of their conversation and leaned over the bar to but in, "I've actually been meaning to ask you all night, are you the lad who played yesterday for charity in the ED?" he asked Rube.

"Yeah that was me" Rube replied.

"Do you fancy playing here tonight on stage? I'll pay you...it's just that its Boxing Day and we usually always have something on but the singer we had booked cancelled last minute so we've been left with no entertainment" he explained.

"There we go!" Ethan smiled at Rube.

"I don't want your money" Rube told the barman sternly.

"How about I donate it then? For your brother? You'd be doing me a massive favour mate" the barman suggested.

Rube looked at his guitar he had leaning against the bar bedside him and ignored the barman completely.

"He'll get back to you on that, thanks for thinking of him" Ethan smiled politely at the barman, "Are you going to do it?" he asked Rube enthusiastically.

"I think I might just get drunk instead, the girl who won a date with me said they're going into town after here, I may as well tag along" he told him.

Ethan sighed deeply, "You seriously need to get your priorities straight Ruben!" he snapped.

"It's Rube" Rube corrected him.

Ethan sighed once more not knowing what else to do as Cal walked back in.

"Cal you look awful" Ethan stated as he noticed the layer of sweat on his forehead.

"Yeah, I think I'm going to go home, I don't feel too good" Cal replied.

Ethan nodded, "It's those injections Cal I warned you-"

Cal cut him off, "Alright Ethan just leave it, I don't need an 'I told you so' I knew what I was putting myself up for" he rolled his eyes. His head was thumping he just wanted to go home.

"Right come on then let's go home" Ethan stated as he stood up, Rube stayed put.

"Rube, mum and dad are staying with Lockie tonight, I've told mum you're going to stay on Ethan's couch for tonight so you're coming home with us" Cal told him though he was still annoyed at him for the way he spoke to Vicky.

"No I'm going to stay here for a bit" Rube replied and shot a glance at Ethan.

"Alone?" Cal asked. He'd pushed everyone else away; even Robyn was sat as far away from him as possible.

"Yeah why not" Rube shrugged.

Cal couldn't be bothered arguing with him, "Fine. You need to apologise to Vicky, she's really upset Rube" he told him.

"I don't care" Rube replied.

Cal rolled his eyes "I'll be outside" he huffed and left, he didn't care where his brother spent the night at this point he was far too bored of his attitude.

"Rube come with us I don't want you being alone" Ethan told him. Him being alone was the last thing he needed right now.

"I _like_ being alone" Rube replied.

Ethan stood frozen debating leaving or not but he couldn't think of anything else to say or do to help Rube. Ethan was the only one who knew Rube still self-harmed so he couldn't exactly ask Cal to help.

"Ethan come on!" Cal rushed him opening the door once more.

"Promise me you won't do anything stupid" Ethan whispered to Rube.

"That depends on what your definition of stupid is..." Rube replied bluntly.

"Rube this is serious!" Ethan snapped.

"Yeah okay whatever, just go" Rube told him and looked away.

He knew Rube didn't really want to be alone, but right now Cal needed Ethan too, he could only hope Rube be able to control his urges and do the right thing, "I'm sorry" Ethan told him sincerely and left with Cal although it felt wrong.


	26. Chapter 26

**Hello everyone! Here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy! It's finally the day of Cal's donating, how will it go? Please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter twenty-six

The next day Cal and Ethan were up at the crack of dawn and at the hospital ready for Cal's donation. Cal sat in a hospital bed with in a gown on and tubes attached to his arms running up to a machine. He knew this machine was called an apheresis machine but normal patients would know it as a blood cell separator, but he wasn't a normal patient; he was a doctor. He felt weird being this side of the system as the patient sat in a hospital gown. He found himself checking every doctor or nurse's actions thoroughly and judging them entirely on what he knew _'The worst patients are doctors'_ was a saying that ran through his mind and he now fully understood it. There were many things Cal would have done differently to what the doctors treating him did even though they're the experts on this and he was just an ED doctor...he couldn't help but judge.

He found himself watching Die Hard on his laptop with his earphones in, he wasn't planning on taking it but Ethan suggested it last minute which he was now grateful for as Ethan had fallen asleep in the chair beside Cal's bed just forty five minutes into his donation meaning it would make no difference whether Ethan was there or not as he was there to keep him company, but Cal was secretly happy he was there, even if he was fast asleep. Little did Cal know, Ethan had spent the majority of the night awake researching ways to help people with depression and those who self-harmed as he couldn't help but feel guilty for not giving Rube all the help he probably could have last night. He had made tonnes of notes of things he wouldn't think to do as a doctor, he was far too used to prescribing medication or referring patients elsewhere, he was determined to help Rube as he was the only one who could.

2 hours later and Die Hard had finished, and a doctor had come in not long ago to tell Cal his donation was too coming to an end. He had managed to slip in and out of sleep a couple of times throughout but for no longer than 10 minutes each time. Cal pulled out his earphones and sighed, Ethan was still slumped down asleep in the chair. Cal whipped Ethan's arm with his earphones causing him to jump awake.

"Are you okay?" Ethan sat forward in his chair instantly; it was like he'd forgotten where he was for a moment.

"Tired are we?" Cal asked sarcastically.

"I was just resting my eyes" Ethan told him with a smile.

"What for nearly three hours?" Cal raised his eyebrows.

"What?!" Ethan spat out and checked his watch shocked, "Oh Cal I'm sorry, I _was_ supposed to be resting my eyes..." he explained awkwardly.

"It's okay, I didn't get much sleep last night either worrying about this. God Ethan just imagine if Lockie doesn't respond to the transplant...he's so excited about it he thinks it's going to cure him" Cal sighed, it was as though he was ridden with guilt in advance.

"What if it does cure him?" Ethan shrugged; "They wouldn't have bothered putting you both through all this if they didn't think he had a chance, let's stay positive" He smiled.

"It just seems too good to be true" Cal replied.

"How are you feeling?" Ethan asked sincerely.

"Bored" Cal rolled his eyes, "and tired but every time I fall asleep I wake straight back up again, I'll forever sympathise with patients when they moan about how uncomfortable these beds are from now on" he joked.

"Once we're done here I'll take you home and you can sleep properly" Ethan told him.

"Everyone came in to see me earlier" Cal informed him.

"Why didn't you wake me?" Ethan sighed angrily.

"They didn't stay long there was no point" Cal said, "Vicky's wearing clothes that show off her bump now because she doesn't have to hide it anymore, mum's so excited about it" Cal smiled, "It's gonna be nice having a baby around again" he added as he looked down Ethan knew straight away he was thinking of Matilda, "If it was a girl I could've passed down some of Matilda's stuff I've still got lying around yours..." his voice trailed off.

"I've been meaning to take it all to the charity shop but I couldn't bring myself to, every little thing has a memory" Ethan explained sadly and looked at Cal warily.

"...there was no way we could've kept her right?" Cal asked looking for some reassurance; his voice was almost a whisper.

"No..." Ethan replied mournfully, "she wasn't ours Caleb, we did the right thing" he sighed. Cal nodded slowly. "How's Rube?" Ethan asked changing the subject and snapping Cal out of his thoughts.

"I don't know, no one has heard from him or seen him since the pub last night, mum tried to ring him but his phone is off...I don't really care to be honest his attitude is starting to get on my nerves." Cal scoffed.

Ethan was ridden with fear instantly, what if he'd done something to himself? He was in no fit state to be left alone last night yet Ethan, the only person he trusted enough to talk about his self harming and his depression walked out on him...Ethan felt awful, "Caleb are you forgetting he's depressed?!" Ethan snapped protectively.

Cal looked shocked at Ethan's outburst, "Are _you_ forgetting he's _my_ brother?" he asked.

"Sorry" Ethan mumbled, "Do you want anything from the shop?" he asked as he stood up.

"I need something to give me energy I feel completely weak" Cal explained.

"Energy drink and chocolate it is then" Ethan forced out a smile and left the room. The second he left he ran straight down the stairs, pulling out his phone as he did so and dialled Rube's number:

 _"_ _Hey it's Rube, I can't take your call right now leave a message and I'll get back to you, thanks"_

It went to voicemail. He thought he'd picked up when he first heard his voice but it was just a recorded message, "Rube it's Ethan, where are you? I hope you're okay...call me back as soon as you get this we can go somewhere to talk if you want? Look, I'm sorry for leaving last night I'm just hoping you kept your promise..." his voice trailed off when he thought back to last night when he made Rube promise he wouldn't do anything stupid, "I'm here for you alright? Just...call me" He sighed put the phone down; he was kicking himself for not being there for him when he needed him.

"Hey Ethan when's yours and Honey's date?" Louise asked as she spotted him stood in reception looking lost.

"Sorry?" He asked, he was too busy thinking to have heard her.

"Honey's date?" She asked.

"Oh...sometime after everything with Lockie has calmed down" Ethan replied with a smile.

"She's only here until new year you know" Louise told him as she flicked through some notes she held, "She might stay just for you though imagine how cute that would be! I think you two are the cutest, you're so opposite it just works you know? Cute cute cute..." Louise rambled on.

"Thanks" he forced out a smile as he looked around him.

"What's wrong?" she asked noticing how distant he seemed.

"Have you seen Rube?" He asked her.

"Not today...the last time I saw him he was snogging the face off Robyn at like one o'clock in the morning" she told him.

"They made up then?" Ethan asked surprised.

"Oh you can say that again, she's so lucky to get to kiss him he's gorgeous" Louise sighed as her mind wondered off to start day dreaming about Rube.

"Back on track Louise did he leave with her?" Ethan pushed.

"I don't know I went home, he was playing guitar on stage all night. Have you heard him sing? Oh my God, I think he's an actual Angel that's fell from the sky, he's so perfect" she began day dreaming again.

Ethan rolled his eyes, "Was he drunk?" he asked sternly keeping on topic.

"No, he was drinking water all night...what's the big interrogation about?" Louise asked confused.

"He didn't come to mine or here last night and he's not answering his phone, no one knows where he is" Ethan explained frantically.

"He seemed happy enough I'm sure he's fine, who knows he could've gone home with Robyn, she might've got even more lucky" Louise tried to joked.

Ethan shook his head, "He's not that type of person" he told her as he spotted Robyn walk out from RESUS, "Robyn!" he shouted and rushed over.

She held her hands up to her head, "Stop I'm so hungover no" she groaned.

"Where's Rube?" Ethan asked her.

"I don't know?" Robyn replied warily.

Ethan sighed deeply, "Well, did he leave the pub with you last night?" he asked impatiently.

"Yeah, we all went back to mine for drinks, he came too Max wanted to play guitar with him" She informed him.

"Did he stay over?" Ethan asked trying to piece everything together.

"I went to bed at two but they stayed up playing all night until Max finally went to bed at half five, he said Rube fell asleep on our couch but when I got up at eight to get ready for work he'd gone" she explained.

"Where?" Ethan urged.

"I don't know" she shrugged, "I thought something might've happened with Lockie and so he had to leave" she explained.

"Right, I'm just about to get Cal home after his donation, I'll have a drive around to see if I can find him anywhere" Ethan decided.

Robyn nodded, "Okay, I'll let you know if I hear anything" she told him sincerely seeing how concerned he was.

He pulled out his phone and tried ringing Rube once more but again got nothing. He sighed deeply and looked up to find Cal coming out of the lift looking less than impressed.

"I'm sorry again...I got caught up" Ethan explained awkwardly as he took his laptop bag off him.

"It's fine" Cal sighed, "Did you get me that drink?" he asked with a yawn.

Ethan looked at him awkwardly, he'd forgotten about it completely "...No" he replied, "I'll go now-" Cal cut him off.

"Let's just go home" he sighed; he just wanted to sleep.

Ethan nodded and they both made their way to the ED doors. They stepped to the side as the doors burst open and Dixie hurried through pushing a patient who was calling out in pain on a trolley. Cal flashed a smile at her as she past and then turned to leave but he was stopped when someone grabbed hold of his arm; it was Dixie, "you might want to stick around for this one" she told him, the tone of her voice caused fear to fill every inch of his body instantly.

 _To be continued..._


	27. Chapter 27

**Hello everyone! Sorry for leaving you all on such a big cliff hanger but here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter twenty-seven

"Rube?!" He heard Ethan's fearful voice call as he looked down at the patient on the trolley and followed it through. Cal froze as they hurried through to RESUS. He couldn't bring himself to move...the first thing he thought of was his mum; this was the last thing she needed. He then thought that Rube had probably been in another fight, but...Rube had never lost a fight, he was one of the best boxers in his city and he'd definitely never been hospitalised like this because of a fight; this was serious. He then thought back to the few seconds Dixie past him and the painful cries that he thought nothing of at the time coming from Rube, he didn't want to go in there in fear of what he may be faced with.

"Cal?" He heard Ethan's voice calling him, he saw him hurrying towards him, "Cal you need to get in there, it's Rube" Ethan had to practically pull Cal through to RESUS.

Rube was doubled over in pain laying on his left side, he had his arms wrapped tightly around his torso, he was covered in blood and so was the bed he had only just been placed on, tears were streaming down his face as he called out in pain; he looked awful. He was still in his suit from the auction dating last night, but he looked extremely far from as dapper as he did then. Ethan rushed to the side of his bed, Cal watched from over Ethan's shoulder.

"Okay Ruben we need to get you on your back so we can have a proper look at you and see what we're dealing with" Zoe smiled as she placed her hand on his shoulder to guide him down but her gentle touch caused him to jump, "We're here to help you Ruben, you can trust us alright?" She spoke softly. After a moment of struggling he allowed her to roll him into his back; he groaned with pain as she did so. He still had his arms hiding his chest and torso.

"Right you need to move your arms or we can't treat you" Dylan spoke bluntly.

Rube shot a glance at Ethan through his struggles.

"What's he hiding?" Cal asked Ethan who held his head down.

"Do we know what's happened?" Ethan asked Zoe desperately.

"We don't really know, the only thing Dixie said was that he's got deep slashes and cuts to his chest and torso...that's why we need him to move his arms" she directed the last part to Rube with a smile.

Ethan's heart plummeted...this was all his fault, "Rube do what they say" Ethan sighed, he couldn't hide his cuts forever.

Rube squeezed his eyes closed causing more tears to stream from them, he moved his arms away showing the extent of his injury and also exposing his older cuts that he'd kept hidden from everyone for years.

Cal stepped back in shock, "...what are those older cuts?" He mumbled, "Rube?" He asked, Rube turned his head away from him and brought his hands up to his face as he continued to cry. Zoe and Dylan exchanged glances, Dylan took hold of one of Rube's arms and examined the faded cuts on his wrist and the more recent cuts on his upper arm, "Zoe" Dylan gestured to them.

Zoe nodded and then looked back to Rube, "Ruben-" Ethan cut her off.

"It's Rube!" He shouted desperately, "He likes being called Rube" he added more calmly; "he suffers from depression" he told them sadly.

Zoe nodded understandingly, "Rube...did you do this to yourself?" Zoe asked softly. Rube continued to cry in pain as he moved about in discomfort, "Rube?" She asked more firmly.

"Look does it matter?!" Ethan spat out protectively, "he's losing too much blood it doesn't matter why. Just help him!" Ethan demanded. Cal shook his head and slowly walked out of the room.

Dylan tried to place an oxygen mask on Rube's face but he pushed it away, "Rube it will help with your breathing okay?" Zoe smiled; he shook his head.

"Why is he so scared?" Ethan asked, this wasn't like Rube at all.

They managed to get the oxygen mask on his face and started to examine the slashes on his torso. Ethan watched helplessly from the side of his bed watching the painful expression on the boy's face; finally there was a look that didn't suit him, Rube had never looked so vulnerable and scared and this didn't suit him at all.

"You're going to be okay Rube..." Ethan told him, trying to reassure himself more than anyone else, he couldn't help but think this was all his fault. Just then Rube's eyes rolled to the back of his head and his body went completely weak.

"Rube?!" Ethan shouted.

Zoe looked up at his monitor, "Yeah he's tachycardic" she stated as she pulled off his oxygen mask but Ethan had already stepped up and started chest compressions.

"Ethan!" Zoe yelled as she watched him, "you can't treat him; you have an emotional connection with him step down!" She ordered.

Ethan ignored her and continued the chest compressions "No, no way! You're not dying on us Rube come on!" He muttered desperately. He continued until he reached thirty, he stepped back and looked down at his hands that were covered in the eighteen year old's blood. The sight of blood had never really bothered him as a doctor but knowing whose blood was on his hands and the fact that he could have caused this meant he literally did have Rube's blood on his hands, he looked at his hands and his stomach completely flipped, "I think I'm going be sick" he mumbled; he had to look away.

"Clear! Shocking!" He heard Zoe call followed by a few seconds of silence which seemed to last a lifetime, "welcome back, you almost had us worried then" she smiled down at Rube who opened his eyes. Ethan let out as much as he could of a sigh of relief and turned back to see him. Rube began to call out in pain again, "right Rube I'm going to give you something for the pain okay?" Zoe told him as she held up a needle.

"No, please" he managed to whimper as he turned away from her.

It felt so wrong seeing 'tough guy Rube' in this state, "Rube you can't go on like this, it'll help you I promise" Ethan told him with as much of a smile that he could manage.

Rube grabbed hold of Ethan's hand and held it tight, he gave Zoe a nod and she put the needle in his arm, he turned his head away as she did.

"You should start to settle down more now Rube" Zoe smiled as her and Dylan continued to examine his injury, trying to stop the bleeding, "can you tell us what happened?" She asked carefully.

Rube let go of Ethan's hand and slowly pulled off his oxygen mask to speak… "I'm- Sorry" he spoke breathlessly just as the doors burst open and in rushed Cal with the rest of his family, Myra ran to Rube's side instantly. Rube placed his mask back on his face.

"Cal we could've done without an audience" Zoe sighed angrily; they were just about to get his story out of him.

"Oh Rube I thought this was over?" Myra cried as she stroked his hair.

"I thought you stopped this years ago why, why would you hurt yourself?!" Vicky shouted as tears built in her eyes, Danny put her arms around her to try and calm her down.

"I'll have you know self harm and depression are illnesses, not choices" Dylan snapped in Rube's defence.

Rube shook his head, he desperately tried to catch his breath enough to talk but he couldn't manage it, he was far too weak.

Ethan felt sick to the core at the fact he didn't help Rube last night, he could've avoided this entire thing. He looked around at Cal's family who all had tears staining their cheeks; he was filled with guilt, like they weren't going through enough heartache with Lockie he'd let this happen to Rube...It was then when he noticed Rube had cuts on his knuckles, "wait, his knuckles" Ethan announced suddenly, "Rube did you fight someone?" He asked him desperately, Rube just about managed to nod, "so you didn't do this to yourself?" He asked, Rube shook his head.

"Oh thank God" Myra whispered and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"Can we give him some space please?!" Dylan spoke firmly as he couldn't work with Myra in the way.

She walked to the edge of his bed with the rest of her family, "Who would do this?" She cried.

"We live in a sick world" Vicky shook her head in disgust, "they left him for dead!" she spat out.

"He'll be okay Myra, you know Rube, he'll be back up playing his guitar this time tomorrow" Jimmy cried as he hugged her.

Jimmy's words triggered something suddenly within Ethan; you could practically make out the light bulb above his head. "His guitar" Ethan mumbled as he noticed his guitar was nowhere to be seen. Rube had his guitar at his side constantly, even if he did this to himself he'd make sure it came with him, "Rube where's your guitar?" Ethan asked. Rube looked up at him with tear-filled eyes before he burst out into tears once more, "did they take it?" Ethan asked. Rube reluctantly nodded as he cried.

"Rube should've just given it to them you idiot!" Vicky shouted angrily.

He pulled off his mask to talk, "I'm so sorry mum" he sobbed as Zoe allowed Myra to stand at his side once more.

"I'm not bothered about your guitar sweetie" she whispered as she stroked his blonde hair.

"But the price-" Myra cut him off by putting the mask gently back on his face.

"Don't be silly darling, just focus on getting better" she told him softly as she wiped his tears away.

"What even happened mate?" Danny asked.

He pulled off his mask and took a deep breath, he was determined to get his story out to ensure everyone he hadn't done this to himself, "Ethan told me I had to get my priorities straight and so I went busking this morning to see if I can raise more money for Lockie, as I was packing my case away I noticed there was a £50 note in there, I looked around and that man was there..." he looked at Ethan and Cal, "remember the guy with the scar who was here when we had the choir? It was him, just as I was about to make my way over someone grabbed my case with all my money in and ran away with it so I chased him..." he stopped for a second to take some time to breathe using his mask, "he ran down this backstreet and I caught up to him and started on him, he didn't even get a punch in before I knocked him out I realised it was the other guy from the other night, then someone grabbed me and pushed me up against the wall and I felt this sharp pain in my chest, I knew it was a knife; I know that feeling...but this time I didn't like it. The other guy got back up and they threw me to the floor, he pinned me down whilst the guy with the scar stabbed me over and over...I thought it would never stop but then-then it all went black..." his voice trailed off once more, Zoe noticed him getting worked up again and so she placed the mask back on his face, "I thought I was dead" he cried.

Danny's blood boiled, "I remember him, the trampy looking thing? Come on Caleb we'll sort him out won't we? No one attacks the people I care about" Danny spoke protectively, Cal nodded Ethan could see the anger in him, the pair of them made their way to the door.

"No way!" Ethan spat out.

"Ethan I'd do the same if it was you" Cal told him, "And you'd do the same if it was me" he added and then looked at Danny, "Come on let's go and find them" he decided.

"I'm not having you two in hospital too" Myra spoke firmly as she took hold of Cal's hand, "and you're going to be a dad soon, this is the last thing you need" she told Danny who flashed a look at his pregnant girlfriend Vicky.

"We'll do this the right way; we'll get the police on the case." Jimmy told them.

"Please Caleb" Myra asked desperately persuading him to stay; Cal looked into his mother's tear-filled eyes and nodded. He made his way back over and put his arm around Vicky as she cried; he was the only one who wasn't crying. Ethan knew Cal better than anyone and he knew how much he was fighting back the urge to cry, keeping it together for his family. That was something about his big brother he had always admired; his strength. It was ironic how Cal always lived up to his name, he was brought up a Knight but in reality he was a Wolfe, both strong names…just like him.

"Right we've stopped the bleeding and once his OBs are normal, I think we should send him for a CT scan just so we can check he's all clear internally. If you go to the relative's room I'll make sure you're informed of any developments" Zoe told Myra and Jimmy.

"I want the police involved, whoever did this are not going to get away with it even if I do have to find them myself" Jimmy announced firmly.

"Dad stop" Vicky told him. Jimmy was a lawyer, and a good one at that, meaning his work was his life and he would not stop until he got justice for his son.

Jimmy shook his head, "I mean it-" Zoe cut him off.

"I'm sure we can sort that for you but I'd rather wait until Rube is out of the woods before we have people integrating him" She suggested.

"Of course" Jimmy replied understandingly.

Vicky stood next to Ethan at Rube's bedside, Rube looked up at her, he slowly removed his mask and smiled, "I...can, see, your- bump" he mumbled, his voice was now more of a slur, Zoe and Dylan exchanged concerned glances as they noticed.

Vicky took his hand and placed it on her bump, "Yeah I don't have to hide it anymore" she told him sadly.

"My, nephew…" he slurred.

"Yeah and like I said last night he needs you Ruben so don't you dare go dying on us" Vicky told him.

"I'll try" Rube tried to joke. His hand dropped out of Vicky's as he desperately started to fight for his breath once more.

Zoe placed the mask back on his face.

"His speech was slurred" Dylan announced, Zoe nodded as she placed her stethoscope on his chest.

"Rube stay with us okay?" She told him as she noticed him struggling to stay awake.

"What's happening?!" Vicky cried as she watched the doctors rush around her brother.

"Cal can you all go to the relative's room please?" Zoe told him, Cal nodded and led everyone out of the room.

Ethan stayed put. Zoe continued to examine Rube, "I don't understand…the bleeding has stopped, his OBs were improving, even if it was slowly…we must have missed something" she announced confused, "Ruben stay with us!" she called once more as she flashed her torch in his eyes.

"Has he got a head injury?" Dylan asked looking to find a reason for his slurred speech.

"No" Zoe shrugged, "He's lost consciousness again and he's deteriorating, his blood pressure is far too low for my liking" she announced, "Oh Rube what is going on with you eh?" she sighed as she paused for a moment to think.

Dylan walked around to the side Ethan was stood at and examined Rube's older cuts on his chest and found there weren't just cuts, but burn marks too, "these look infected Zoe" he told her.

"We'll get them cleaned up...surely that isn't the cause of this tough, we're definitely missing something" she stated.

"Septicaemia" Ethan spoke out suddenly.

"What?" Zoe looked at him confused.

"It's a long shot but...he's got a high temperature, rapid heartbeat and breathing, his speech was slurred, he's lost consciousness and his low blood pressure, it could be down to his cuts...I really hope I'm wrong but it all adds up" Ethan explained frantically.

"Septic shock" Dylan announced, Ethan nodded.

Zoe looked closely at his skin, "Yeah his skin is mottled, I think you're right Ethan" she agreed.

"Good call" Dylan praised.

"Right we need to get him up to ITU ASAP!" Zoe stated frantically.

Ethan visibly deflated in front of her, "We might have caught it in time" she told him reassuringly.

Ethan shook his head, "The statistics of someone pulling through a septic shock..." his voice trailed off in dread.

"You rely on statistics far too much for a Doctor as talented as you Ethan" she told him in disbelief.

"This is all my fault" he mumbled as he watched everyone hurry out of the room with Rube's trolley.


	28. Chapter 28

**Hello everyone! Sorry for how long this update took; it's been a hectic few weeks but they are finally easing down now so I should be back on regular posting and hopefully get this story finished so I can start on some others. I hope you enjoy this update, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter twenty-eight

Ethan walked into ITU where Rube had been placed, "oh hi...aren't you a doctor here? I'm sure I've seen you around" a female doctor spoke as he made his way in.

"Yeah it's Doctor Hardy I'm an ED registrar" he replied awkwardly, "How is he?" He asked looking over at Rube who was asleep still with an oxygen mask placed on his face.

"We're still thinking of the best ways of treatment, he could possibly need a blood transfusion but we need his notes before we start to consider anything, with him being from half way across the world his notes are tricky to track down, it's early hours in the morning there but I think we've got someone on the case. Actually, I'll go and check on that now, is it okay if you stay with him for a moment whilst I chase after his notes? I'm sure he'll be in capable hands with you" she asked.

"Oh, yeah sure" Ethan forced out a smile; he wanted to get Rube on his own anyway.

"There will probably no change; he needs his rest so I'll ask you not to wake him" She stated politely.

"No, of course" Ethan replied. He waited for her to leave before he made his way over to Rube's bedside; he looked awful. His usually tanned skin was pale, his face looked completely drained and worn out, it was strange to see his blonde hair that was usually styled to a messy perfection tattered and falling down onto his forehead giving him a fringe. His body was shaking slightly but that was just another symptom of sepsis.

He couldn't help himself; he had to talk to him to give him peace of mind "Rube..." He called causing him to stir, he opened his eyes and looked straight up at the hospital ceiling before he brought his hands up to his face and felt his oxygen mask, "Ruben look at me" Ethan spoke softly.

"What's happening to me?" Rube asked through his mask.

"You've got blood poisoning" Ethan told him.

Rube took his mask off his face; every movement he made was slow, as if it were taking him all the effort he had in him, he winced as he moved, "Well what does that mean?" He asked, his voice sounded hoarse.

"It means you're really ill Rube" he admitted.

"Can I have some water?" Rube asked as he too had noticed the hoarseness to his voice.

"No, you might have to stay nil by mouth, I don't want to be the reason for delaying anything" Ethan replied, he already felt bad enough for causing Rube's current state, he didn't want it to worsen because of him too, "how many fights have you been in in your life?" Ethan asked.

"I've lost count" Rube told him, "I've never lost one though" he smiled slightly still managed to be smug in this condition which caused Ethan to smile sadly.

But his smile soon dropped, "Okay, well this is the biggest fight you're going to ever be involved in and I need you to promise me something" He told him.

"What?" Rube asked confused.

"That you will put every inch of you into fighting this Ruben, don't you dare give up okay?" Ethan spoke determinately.

"I thought you said I need to cut down on fighting?" Rube joked raising one eyebrow.

"Very funny" Ethan rolled his eyes, "promise me Rube, this is going to be a complete shock to the system but you have to push on, you can do it, I know you can alright?" he pushed.

Rube placed the oxygen mask back on his face as his breathing started to get heavy again, "I'm not really, a fan, of hospitals" he spoke breathlessly.

Ethan shook his head, "Well the quicker you fight it the quicker you'll get out" he told him desperately.

"Doctor Hardy, he needs his rest" Rube's doctor rushed to his aid as she made her way back into the room.

Ethan took a step back and watched as Rube struggled to breathe, "...I was just leaving" he mumbled and left; if he could he'd run away, he would run so so far, he actually found himself considering it, but what good would that do? Running away from your problems...that was more a Cal and Rube thing to do, not an Ethan thing, but he now understood the urge.

He made his way into the relative's room where Cal and his family were. Vicky was sat beside Danny who had his arm around her in comfort, she had bloodshot eyes from crying, she had one hand placed in Danny's and the other resting on her baby bump. Ethan couldn't even being to imagine how she was feeling...her son could be brought into this world without meeting either of his uncles who were both facing the fight of their lives right at this moment in this hospital. Jimmy was pacing back and forth in worry, he didn't know what to do with himself; he was no doubt still raging about the two men who attacked his son. Cal was sat next to his Myra holding her hand tightly; she had her head resting against his shoulder and a tissue in her hand. Cal had his head resting back against the wall and his eyes closed, he looked the most worn out of them all; it was then Ethan recalled how tired he was from his donation earlier in the morning. He needed to get some proper rest or he'd make himself ill too. Seeing the family together seemed wrong without Rube being there.

"How is he?" Vicky asked as Ethan in. He looked around at the worried expressions on everyone's faces, even Cal's; it was as though they were waiting for news.

"Has-has Zoe not been to see you?" He asked confused.

"No?" Cal stood up seeing the look on Ethan's face, he took a step towards him, "...Ethan?" He asked.

Ethan looked at Myra who looked completely drained and back to Cal who waited for him to speak.

"He's, he's um...he's got Septicemia" he stated awkwardly, he looked at Cal and Myra who visibly deflated in front of him, he knew Cal knew what it was and Myra was a nurse before she gave up work to look after Lockie and so of course she knew what it was, no one else in the room flinched, "he's been moved to ITU" he added.

"ITU?!" Jimmy spat out in worry, "what's Septicemia?" he asked, nobody answered. He looked toward his wife, "Myra?" he mumbled in concern seeing her crying once more.

"It's blood poising dad" Cal told him.

"Well is he okay?" Danny asked oblivious.

"He's in intensive care Danny of course he's not okay!" Vicky snapped as she too cried once more.

"Right that's it I'm going to kill those bastards!" Danny roared as he stormed to the door but Ethan stood in front of him stopping him in his tracks.

"Woah woah!" He held his hands up, "this hasn't got anything to do with him being mugged...if anything they helped us catch it sooner" Ethan told him.

Cal grabbed hold of Danny's shoulders in attempt to relax him, "it's not their fault mate, they couldn't have caused it" he explained.

"Well how has he got it then?!" Danny roared.

"It's because of his self harm" Ethan spat out.

Danny stepped back in shock, "What?" he muttered.

"Perhaps he used a bit of metal that wasn't clean or just left the wound open for too long but somehow he got infected-" Danny cut him off.

"So he did this to himself?" He asked.

"Well, probably not intentionally but...yes" Ethan replied.

Danny's anger suddenly dropped.

"Can we go and see him?" Vicky asked.

"Not right now, they're still getting him settled and working on options of treatment...he needs his rest" Ethan explained.

"He hates hospitals, he shouldn't be alone" Myra sniffed as Jimmy put his arm around her.

"I'll go and see if we can sit with him" Cal decided and left with Ethan.

"Are you okay?" He asked Cal quietly. He couldn't reply, he just made his way over to the lift, "Cal..." Ethan mumbled as he watched his older brother walk away; he followed him, "Cal you need some sleep after your donation this morning" Ethan told him carefully as Cal stepped inside the lift.

Cal shook his head, "I'll get that energy drink you mentioned" he muttered as the doors closed.

Ethan sighed deeply and made his way to the staff room where he found Honey and Zoe.

"Oh, Ethan! I was just on my way into Cal and his family to tell them about Rube-" He cut her off.

"There's no need, I've just told them" He told her and took a seat on the couch beside Honey and placed his head in his hands as he thought.

Honey put her arm around him, "Are you okay?" she asked him softly but it was as though he hadn't heard her speak as he was that deep in thought.

"I knew he self harmed Zoe I found out on Christmas Day, if I'd have just examined his cuts and burns properly I would've been able to clean them up before they got infected, I could've stopped this entire thing" Ethan shook his head as he looked up at Zoe.

"That's only two days ago though it wouldn't have made much difference right?" Honey tried to reassure him as she rubbed his back.

"Every second counts with Sepsis Honey" Zoe told her sadly; Ethan was right.

Ethan looked at Honey, "Right now, Rube is more ill than Lockie by...a hell of a lot" he tried to explain to her.

"But Lockie has cancer?" Honey spoke confused; she didn't understand the severity of Rube's condition.

"Septicemia takes the lives of every six out of ten people who get it Honey, that's more than half the people with it die" Ethan spat out angrily, more of anger for himself than anyone else though.

"Ethan I told you before you're a good doctor, don't rely on statistics" Zoe told him.

"What should I do instead? Pray? Have faith? Wait for a miracle?! Statistics are the most realistic of the lot Zoe. I've messed up, Rube is going to die and it's all my fault" Ethan stood up to leave.

"Ethan wait, I'll come with you we can have a talk" Honey suggested as she followed him.

"I want to be alone" he muttered and left.

He walked out to the peace garden and took a seat on the bench; he'd never felt so guilt ridden in his entire life. It is his duty as a doctor to care for everyone properly and equally, how had he led this slip? If a patient would have presented such wounds his first instinct would've been to inspect them and clean them up, if only he'd done that with Rube...maybe this was a good thing though, maybe it will help make Rube realise how important his life is, maybe not he'll except help giving everyone knows about his self harm and depression still being a fighting battle for him every day, well, almost everyone knows. Ethan then thought about someone so important yet someone who was completely oblivious to what was currently going on, he deserved the right to know.

"Hey Lockie..." Ethan spoke as he made his way in to his room; it was refreshing to see the boy looking so well practically after he'd just seen the state of his older brother Rube.

"Ethan!" Lockie grinned excitedly, "I thought you'd all forgotten about me" he laughed, "Has Cal donated yet? When can I start my transplant? I can't wait to get better!" He rambled on.

"Lockie..." Ethan tried to talk but Lockie carried on his excited babbling.

The boy suddenly gasped excitedly startling Ethan slightly, "Vicky told me that you and Honey are back together! I ticked number forty off on my bucket list; I knew it would happen, I'm so happy that you're happy Ethan! But...you don't look so happy right now, what's up?" Lockie asked.

"Well, I, um..." Ethan couldn't for the life of him put how he felt into words.

"Where's Cal? I haven't seen him today, actually, where is everyone? I had a dream that they all went back to Australia and forgot about me and then Rube remembered and they all came back for me, it was like Home Alone but different...it was a good dream though, in the end Rube hugged me, he hasn't hugged me in ages-" Ethan cut him off.

"Lockie, it Rube I need to talk to you about" he told him.

"Have they found him yet? Mum tried ringing him but he wouldn't pick up, it's just like when we're at home though he always does this but he said he was trying to be a better person so I'm confused" Lockie explained.

"He is a better person Lockie, a much _much_ better person...Everyone is with him now" Ethan spoke in Rube's defence.

"When are they coming in to see me?" He asked innocently.

"It won't be for a while yet buddy, it's Rube, he's in hospital as a patient" he told him reluctantly.

"What's he done now?" Lockie rolled his eyes knowingly, "he needs to stop causing fights or he's going to get _really_ hurt one day! Dad and Cal keep telling him" Lockie stated.

"Actually..." Ethan started and took a seat on Lockie's bed just in front of him, "he didn't cause this fight, he was mugged, they took his guitar and his money and phone" Ethan informed him carefully.

"Is he okay?!" Lockie asked full of worry.

He didn't know whether it was the innocent look on Lockie's face or just his guilt hitting home but felt tears building in his eyes he took off his glasses and wiped them away before he looked back up at Lockie, "he's really poorly Lockie" he told him, he figured he didn't want to be the one to tell Lockie about his brother's self harm.

Lockie examined his face, he could tell something was up, "...but he's going to get better though, right?" He asked in hope.

Ethan looked into his eyes, "Well, he's definitely a fighter" he tried to reassure him as he forced out a smile.

"...Could he die Ethan?" Lockie asked, "Please be honest" he whimpered

"...there's a possibility yes" he admitted.

"No! He can't die he's my best friend!" Lockie cried as he threw his arms around him, "I want to see him!" He spoke, his voice muffled by Ethan's boy as he hugged him.

Ethan shook his head slowly, "You can't-"

Lockie cut him off, "No I want to see him now! Let me see my brother Ethan please" he cried as he pulled away from him.

"What's going on?" A familiar voice asked; it was Cal's.

"Rube's going to die!" Lockie sobbed.

"What have you told him that for?! This is the last thing he needs Ethan!" Cal snapped.

"What you want me to lie to him?!" Ethan spat out.

"It's not lying, it's protecting him Ethan, look what you've caused!" Cal shouted furiously as he looked at his youngest brother who cried so heart-achingly, "Come here buddy..." Cal sighed as he sat at the other side of Lockie's bed and tried to hug him but he pushed him away and hugged Ethan instead.

"No! Ethan is the only person who tells the truth around here" Lockie sniffed, "Go away Caleb I don't want you here!" he shouted.

Cal stood back in shock at his little brother's words.

"Okay Lockie don't forget Cal has just donated his cells to make you better" Ethan spoke defending Cal seeing how upset this was making him.

"I don't care! I don't want to get better if Rube is going to die!" Lockie told them both.

Cal shook his head slowly, "Lockie please..." he whispered as tears built in his eyes.

"Just leave me alone Cal" Lockie told him and turned his head away from him and hugged Ethan tight.

Cal slowly backed towards the door, "Caleb..." Ethan started but he left before he could say another word.


	29. Chapter 29

**Hello everyone! Here's a very overdue update, I hope you enjoy. I'll try and be more regular with updates but I can't promise anything, life is quite hectic at the moment. Please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter twenty-nine

Everyone had now been allowed in to sit at Rube's bedside in ITU as his condition had now stabilised. He was asleep. Myra sat right beside him watching his bandaged chest rise and fall as he took his breaths, he still had an oxygen mask on his face and he now had an intravenous drip inserted into his arm which was feeding antibiotics through the eighteen year olds veins to treat his septic shock.

"He must be so scared, my poor baby, he hates hospitals" Myra whispered, the fear in her eyes was heartbreaking to see, was she ever going to get a break from her children's lives being in danger?

"It's understandable...everything with Lockie" Ethan replied carefully.

"Oh no, Rube got his fear of hospitals waaay before Lockie got diagnosed" Vicky told him.

"Oh really?" Ethan asked surprised.

Cal shook his head at him meaning he should stop talking.

"This has just taken me right the way back to the last time he was in hospital, fighting for his life" Myra crumbled as Jimmy put his arm around her.

"Fighting for his life?" Ethan echoed her, "God what happened?" he asked as he looked around at everyone.

"Ethan" Cal warned.

"Sorry. It's none of my business" Ethan mumbled and held his head down.

"I see you as part of our family now Ethan, you deserve the right to know about your brother" Myra told him, she then looked back to Rube. She had so much love in her eyes for him, "he was fourteen..." she began, "...he was only fourteen when, when he- when he tried to take his own life" she finally managed to finish her sentence. Everyone looked down sadly except Ethan whose jaw dropped.

"...what?" he asked in disbelief.

"He was in a _really_ bad place" Vicky tried to explain.

"And I should've been there for him" Myra shook her head. Ethan watched her warily trying to make sense of everything.

Vicky sat forward in her chair, "It wasn't your fault mum, you couldn't be there, our foster parents-" Ethan cut her off there.

"Wait, what?" he asked, "Foster parents? You put your children into foster care? Having known how ill Rube is with his depression, having already given Cal up for adoption as a baby...how? HOW?!" he spat out angrily, once again feeling the sudden urge to protect Rube.

"Ethan stop" Cal demanded.

"No I'm sorry" Ethan snapped and turned back to Myra, "I respect you, highly, you remind me of my own mother, well you did until you told me that. Foster care?! My mother would never give up on me-" Danny cut him off.

"Just hear her out mate" He told him softly.

"You don't have to explain yourself to him" Cal told his mum shooting a snarl in Ethan's direction.

"Is this because I told Lockie about Rube?" Ethan asked in disbelief trying to figure out why Cal was being so off with him. Cal rolled his eyes and looked away from him, "Oh Caleb grow up, he was going to find out sooner or later" Ethan spoke firmly.

"I didn't want them to go into foster care, it wasn't a choice" Myra told Ethan, getting back on track, Ethan looked at her confused.

"Ruben was bullied, we had to move him from school to school constantly to the point where we were running out of places to put him. When he was thirteen we put him in this school, not far from our home just down the beach and he seemed fine there, he didn't speak of any bullies, his teachers didn't report anything back, heck they even said he was a smart kid, but it all seemed too good to be true and of course, it was... every day after school these boys used to take him to the back of the building and absolutely beat the living daylights out of him, but, Rube he was a lovely boy, he still is, he didn't want to worry us and he knew we were running out of schools to put him in and so he hid it from us, no matter how bad it got he hid it from us...he thought he was doing the right thing" Myra shook her head as she thought back, Jimmy took hold of her hand. Ethan just watched on wondering why this had anything to do with the foster care...was she trying to make up an excuse?

"One day he was getting changed for PE when the fire alarm went off and so all the children got evacuated mid-way through getting changed, Rube, bless his soul wasn't given enough time to get his top on and so there he was, stood in front of the entire school who pointed and laughed and whispered about him, covered in bruises. The teachers took him into the office and started to question him about everything, he was so petrified of those boys he wouldn't speak out in fear of what they'll do, they asked him how things were at home and he lied, he said that was where he got his bruises from thinking that his teachers would just leave it there, he thought he was doing the right thing by not telling the truth about his bullies, but this just made everything a billion times worse. That night a social worker turned up at our house whilst we were eating dinner and told us what had happened, I would never lay a finger on my babies. Never. But they didn't believe us, they took all three of them away that night...Lockie was only five at the time he was so confused." She explained sadly.

"What happened? How did you get them back?" Ethan asked, now completely intrigued by the story.

"We fought" Jimmy told him.

"They were in foster care for a total of four months, all this time we were working with lawyers to help prove that it wasn't us who hurt Rube" Myra stated.

"Rube told our foster parents that every night mum, he'd cry and say he wanted to go back home but they wouldn't listen. They were good people, well, the mum was...the dad was horrible, he hated Rube, he'd call him an attention seeker and tell him it was all his fault when the mum wasn't around" Vicky announced, "There weren't many people who would take in three kids at one time" she explained and held her head down.

"Finally we were given CCTV footage from the school of Rube being beaten up by his bullies as proof it wasn't us and finally everything was dropped, we were allowed to go and get them the next day...but it was a day too long for Rube" She whimpered as she stroked Rube's tattered blonde hair.

"When we first got given to these parents the first thing they did was get Rube properly diagnosed with depression because they were told about his cuts. He had a councillor and he was on medication but the dad, he would get into his head and torment him it was horrible...that night, the night before you came to get us...the dad told him this was all Rube's fault and that he was never going to see mum and dad again and it was all because of him, he told him he was a waste of space and that his family would be so much happier if he didn't exist. Rube locked himself away in the bathroom for hours after that. Me and Lockie sat outside the bathroom door talking to him but he wouldn't talk back, we could hear him crying though, he cried for hours. I thought he was probably cutting himself again, Lockie didn't really understand, he was just sat playing with his toys and telling Rube he loved him but it was later on I realised there hadn't been any noises from there for ages, Lockie said Rube had probably fallen asleep but I knew something was up. I put Lockie in bed and started banging on the bathroom door, our parents ran upstairs because they heard the banging and I eventually persuaded the dad to knock the lock off the door and there he was...he was laying in the empty bathtub fully clothed he just looked like he was asleep but he had his empty tub of medication in his hands" Vicky announced sadly.

"He'd overdosed?" Ethan asked and Vicky nodded.

There was then a silence that filled the room as if everyone were mourning. Ethan had always had an urge to look out for Rube that came naturally from the first moment he met him but now, the urge seemed much greater, Rube had been fighting his demons for years and Ethan was determined to be there for him.

"I never let him out of my sight after that, I never let any of them out of my sight once I got them back" Myra broke the silence, "he had such an awful time in hospital, he hated every second of it" she added.

A few moments later Rube's hands shot up to the mask on his face as he felt around it, he looked up at the hospital ceiling with fear in his eyes as his breathing turned into a heavy wheeze, he pulled off his mask and sat up in his bed. Everyone watched him warily. He looked down at his shaking hands and noticed the intravenous drip; he took hold of it and tried to pull it out.

"Rube no!" Ethan stopped him and pulled his hand away.

"I'm- chocking" he spoke breathlessly as he felt around his neck.

"You're not Rube, you're having a panic attack, try and stay calm for me" Ethan told him calmly.

Myra put her arm around him and he crumbled into her, sobbing as he rested into her embrace, "I'm sorry mum" he cried, Myra stroked his hair as she rocked back and forth with him, desperately trying to calm him; this wasn't the Rube everyone knew at all, "I don't like it here" he whimpered, "I want to go home" he added.

"The second you're better I'll get you home okay son? We'll go home together and we'll go down to the beach and we'll play guitar together how about that matey?" Jimmy proposed.

Rube nodded as he slowly started to calm down.

In walked a lady who gave Rube the most obvious sympathetic smile possible as she stood at the edge of his bed, "Hi, are you Ruben Wolfe?" She asked, her voice was so calm it was almost a whisper.

Though it was a voice Rube had learnt not to trust over the years, he pulled away from his mother's embrace and sat up watching the lady warily, "what's it to you?" He shrugged.

"Rube..." Jimmy warned softly causing the 18 year old to roll his eyes.

"Yes I'm Ruben Wolfe" he told the lady.

"Great" she smiled, "my name is Lynda and I'm from the mental health ward-" Everyone's faces dropped instantly as Rube cut her off.

"Well then, _Lynda from the mental health ward,_ what do you want?" Rube asked.

"I'm just here to talk about your current condition" she smiled.

"What septicemia?" He asked, "Because _that is_ my current condition, the last I checked the mental health ward doesn't deal with infections" he told her.

"I'm here about your depression-" he cut her off once more.

"Ah okay great, I see, so someone has gone out of their way to get a moron like you to come in and waste time out of my day to tell me a bunch of crap I've been told a million times before? Oh how thoughtful of them" he spoke sarcastically.

"I see you've suffered from depression for quite a while" she continued as she looked through his notes, "attempted suicide and evidence of self harm...which I see is still happening" she stated as she noticed the cuts on his arms, his chest was covered by bandages from him being mugged so she couldn't see them. Rube didn't reply. "I can help you Ruben" she smiled.

"And what will you do to help me then?" He asked.

"Well...I can get you therapy sessions, weekly, and also prescribe you with the right medication-" he cut her off again.

"I don't want medication" he spoke firmly.

"You've been on it before?" She asked.

"Yeah" Rube replied.

"May I ask why you don't like it?" She asked.

"They give me nightmares" he told her.

"A common side effect yes, but we can give you something for that too" she explained.

"Fixing medication with medication? What if _that_ medication needs fixing too? More? And then what? Even more? I've done well on my own these last few years working my way up, I haven't cut the whole time I've been in the UK and that's down to no one but myself, no medication, nothing. Just me. So, Lynda from the mental health ward, thank you for your time but I'd like you to go and waste someone else's now" he forced out a smile.

Lynda sighed deeply and then looked to Myra for some help, "look, I can assure you I can give your son the help he needs; we'll start him on a lower dosage of medication if he prefers, what do you think about it?" She asked.

Myra looked at Rube and then back to Lynda "Well, if it would help him then-" Rube cut her off

"Hi yeah, I'm still here...I think you're forgetting the fact I'm eighteen and therefore I can speak for myself, I have been able to legally since I was sixteen and so it would be nice if you could respect my wishes and leave, thanks." Rube spat out and gave her a snarl. Lynda nodded and made her way out of the room.

"You could've been a bit more polite Ruben" Myra told him carefully.

"I couldn't care less, exactly like them. I've had my fair share of councillors and therapists and all they do is talk a load of crap and prescribe you with medication and their job is done, they get paid and you are left exactly where you were before they got involved, if not worse off because you're left wondering if something is wrong with you because you feel no change." Rube stood his ground.

"Surely they do help kid, they must do" Jimmy announced.

"Maybe they do for some people, but if they worked for me I wouldn't still be feeling the way I do now would I?" Rube sighed. "Where's Lockie?" he asked as he looked around.

"He's in his ward" Myra replied.

"Go and be with him, I'll be okay" Rube told them.

As if on cue the door opened and in ran Lockie, he jumped onto Rube's bed and cuddled into him, "I was worried about you" Lockie told him as he hugged him even tighter.

"You don't have to worry about me buddy; do you know anyone stronger than me?" Rube asked suddenly back to his usual smug self.

He took off Lockie's black hat to reveal most of his hair had fallen out due to the chemotherapy he'd undergone, "The nurse made me get a shower this morning and all my hair came out again" Lockie explained.

"Oh buddy" Rube sighed and pressed his lips against his younger brother's almost bald head.

"Ew stop being so soppy Rube!" Lockie giggled as he pushed him away playfully.

Cal placed Lockie's hat back on his head for him but Lockie shot a snarl at him, he still hadn't forgiven him for wanting to lie about Rube's condition which broke Cal's heart slightly.

Lockie's doctor then entered the room, "I said he could see his brother, I've never seen anyone run so fast" he spoke breathlessly with a smile as he looked at Lockie, "I've got some news" he stated causing everyone to sit up awaiting his words, "We're about to start Lockie's transplant, we're happy that the cells donated by his brother are enough for the transplant to take place and so the sooner we get started the sooner we'll know if he'll respond to it...but by the looks of things I think he'll respond well" The doctor explained with a smile.

"Oh that's brilliant" Myra replied with a sigh of relief.

"We're in a really good position here" The doctor told them.

"I don't want to get better if Rube is going to die" Lockie stated, quoting the words he'd spoke to both Ethan and Cal.

"Hey, I'm not going to die, it'll take a lot more than a little infection to kill me off" Rube joked.

Lockie shook his head, "How can you be sure? You can't Rube!" he shouted.

"You're right...but I promise if you say yes to this transplant Lockie that I will try my very hardest to get better, harder than I've ever tried with anything before, I promise you" Rube spoke determinately, "I'll try as about much as you've been trying to get better all these years" he told him and held his pinkie out to set the promise in stone.

"That's a lot" Lockie replied as he looked at his brother's pinkie and then back up at his face.

"I know" Rube smiled.

"...okay" Lockie wrapped his much smaller pinkie around his big brothers, "I love you Rube" Lockie told him as he hugged him.

"I love you too Lockie" Rube sniffed trying to hold back his tears.

"Right come on then, let's get you started" Lockie's doctor announced.

"Okay!" Lockie replied excitedly as he jumped off the bed and everyone stood up to leave with him.

"Ethan can you stay with me?" Rube asked as they all turned to leave.

"I'm sorry Rube I've got to go down to work, my shift starts soon" Ethan replied sadly.

"Oh okay, never mind" Rube looked down awkwardly.

"I'll stay with you" Cal smiled and walked back over to his seat.

"No don't, it's fine, I wanted Ethan" Rube shrugged.

"Here Rube, take this, listen to some music or something to take your mind off things" Ethan handed him his phone as Rube's had been robbed during his mugging.

"Cheers" Rube smiled as he put in the earphones.

Cal and Ethan left following the rest of the family, "he seems to be responding well to the treatment" Ethan spoke making small talk as they walk side by side.

Cal grabbed hold of him by his shirt and pulled him out of view of any people, "listen." he spoke in a threatening tone as he pushed Ethan up against the wall.

"Cal?" Ethan asked confused as he tried to free himself from his older brother's tight grasp, "what are you doing-" Cal cut him off.

"Stay away from my brothers. You're turning them against me, I don't know what you're saying to them but the pair of them like you more than me-" Ethan cut him off.

"I haven't said anything to them Caleb, why are you being so paranoid?" Ethan asked surprised.

"You're trying to take them from me I know your game" Cal snapped through gritted teeth.

"I'm sorry what?" Ethan couldn't help but let out a chuckle, "listen to yourself Cal, listen how ridiculous you're being! You can have your brothers, I'm happy with the one I've got thanks...look Rube trusts me because I've gone out of my way to look out for him and Lockie only acted the way he did because I was the only one who'd seen him all day. He talks wonders of you Caleb, nothing can ever change that. I'd say go, and be there for Lockie and heck be there for Rube too you two have only just began to get on why would I want to jeopardise that?" Ethan stated.

Cal slowly released his grasp on Ethan, "I'm sorry" he mumbled, "...I don't even know why I reacted like that, I just don't want to lose them I suppose" he explained as he held his head down.

"And you're not going to, ever." Ethan let out a reassuring smile, "look Cal, you're completely worn out I can see it just by looking at you, why don't you go up to the on call room and get some sleep?" Ethan suggested.

Cal thought about it for a moment and nodded slowly as he stepped back away from Ethan but then realisation grew over him, "No, I need to be there for Lockie" he mumbled and wondered off down the hall.

Of all the things going on in his life right now, why did Ethan seem more worried about Cal than anyone else? He wondered.


	30. Chapter 30

**Hello everyone! Here's another update I hope you enjoy. Please let me know your thoughts on it, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter thirty

Rube was still in ITU still getting his treatment intravenously whilst everyone else had left to be with Lockie for the start of his transplant. No one had bothered to check on Rube since which did cause the 18 year old to wonder if anyone actually cared about him...just as Ethan entered the room in his blue scrubs.

"Hey" he smiled and took a seat next to his bed.

"Hi...?" Rube looked at him confused.

"Oh, I managed to twist Mrs Beauchamp's arm into letting me sit with you until I'm desperately needed" Ethan explained.

Rube nodded slowly as he took in what Ethan had told him, "Right so the one person who actually has a reason to be busy is the only one who is making the effort to see me...whilst my family don't even care" He stated.

"Rube that's not true, they're rushed off their feet with Lockie" Ethan told him carefully.

"They're never rushed off their feet with me though are they?" Rube shrugged.

"How are you doing?" Ethan asked changing the subject.

"Fine" Rube replied.

There was an awkward silence that filled the room for a moment before Ethan cleared his throats, "I've just been treating a patient who was a boxer, he reminded me of you except obviously he was the one who lost the fight hence the fact I was treating him...I was also treating this pregnant lady called Katie, she'd been having pains in her belly and so her husband rushed her into the ED, turns out she was at the start of her labour, it looks like it's going to be a long one too Zoe suggested she should go for a walk to try and start he off properly but..." Ethan's voice trailed off as he realised he was rambling. "How're your cuts?" He asked, when he saw Rube's face drop he realised he could have worded it better, "I mean, from the mugging" he added awkwardly.

"Honestly?" Rube asked, Ethan nodded, "it hurts" he told him, "it could possibly be just my pride though" he added with a slight smile, "you know, a week ago if this happened to me there's no way I would be sat cooped up in hospital, I'd be out there searching for them to get revenge on the bastards-"

Ethan cut him off when he noticed him getting himself worked up, "Rube..." he warned, "what's changed?" He asked.

"I don't know, maybe I'm growing up" he replied.

"You know what, I think you're right" Ethan smiled. They paused for a moment before Ethan spoke out again, "I've brought some things to change your dressing for you, I know they'll probably do it here but I'd be more at ease doing it myself" he explained.

"I'd rather you did it too" Rube told him.

Ethan smiled at him, "right" he announced as he sat Rube's bed up, "try and sit forward for me Rube" he told him, "take your time" he reassured him as Rube eased his body up slowly, wincing quietly as he did so. Ethan began to work, he pulled out some new dressing and two packets of surgical scissors out of his scrubs and laid them out on Rube's bed.

"Why do you have two of everything?" Rube asked as he examined them.

"In case I drop one I've got a spare without having to run back out, I come prepared you see" Ethan teased. He cut through the old dressing on Rube's torso which was a bandage that was wrapped around him and opened it up revealing his wounds, "they seem to be healing well" Ethan told him with a smile. As he cleaned them up he couldn't help but look at the older self-made cuts on the boy's body, it saddened him through to the core to see "Rube, what do you want from life?" he asked, Rube looked at him blankly, "like, your ambitions, for example a job, what do want in a career?" he asked as he began to bandage him back up carefully.

"Money" Rube replied easily.

"Well, yes, of course but, well, I mean..." Ethan stumbled for words as completed his dressing and placed the old dressings in the surgical bin before he turned back to Rube and took a deep breath, "Rube. Perhaps you feel the way you do because you don't really have, a purpose?" he stated as he pulled off his gloves. He thought this through a lot but he didn't plan on it coming out quite like that.

"Well thanks" Rube replied sarcastically.

"No no I don't mean it like that I mean, obviously you have a purpose, ignore that it was the wrong thing to say-the worst thing to say. I mean perhaps if you had a reason to get up in the morning, for a job for example then maybe your quality of life would increase? Because right now, you don't have a job, you don't go to college...you just go and get drunk and play guitar some days but if you had a set routine then that might change things for you a bit? Do you understand?" Ethan asked carefully.

"Yeah I get it, I actually really want a job" Rube told him.

"Really?" Ethan asked surprised, Rube nodded, "Well then, what would be your dream job? What's your career ambitions?" Ethan asked, he was determined to help Rube.

He thought for a moment before he spoke out, "Lockie used to want to be an astronaut, now I'm pretty sure he wants to be Peter Pan" He smiled.

"Well, he's ten, he's allowed to have ambitions like that" Ethan chuckled.

"I wish I was ten again, I'd do everything a lot differently" Rube shook his head as he thought back, "did you always want to be a doctor?" he asked snapping out of his thoughts.

"Pretty much yes, I was always fascinated by things like how I would feel ill and then take some medicine and suddenly feel better, I used to do loads of experiments, I once had a chart that had my symptoms, medication and how long it would take for my symptoms to go with the medication...I was about six at the time I was probably only on Calpol" Ethan shook his head and let out a chuckle before he continued, "I loved gory stuff too, I remember one day mum took me and Caleb to the park and whilst everyone was playing on the slides and the swings me and Cal were looking at this dead pigeon that had started decomposing almost, mum was disgusted" He smiled as he thought back, "I always knew I wanted a challenging job for definite but it was when my mum took ill did my real ambition shine through, it wasn't medication or dead pigeons, or a challenge that made me choose this job; it was her. I want to help people like her. And there's nothing like the feeling you get once you do, once you help people and tell them they're fine, or at least going to be...I love it" He smiled, you could see the genuine love he had for his job in his eyes.

"You really loved your mum didn't you?" Rube asked.

"I still do. Just because she's gone doesn't mean I love her any less" Ethan smiled sadly.

"I'd love to be a doctor but I'm not smart enough" Rube shrugged.

"I know you might not want to hear it but you're a lot like Cal, if he can become a doctor anyone can _believe me_ " Ethan joked causing Rube to smile.

"I do want to help people though; I want to make people feel important, not alone. I want them to know that there is someone there who cares for them, you know?" Rube explained.

Ethan smiled at him, it was nice to hear the boy talking like that, "That sounds like a good job for you" he told him.

"I can relate to them, I don't want people feeling like me" Rube stated.

"I think you could get into healthcare Rube, perhaps not a doctor but maybe a nurse?" Ethan suggested.

"I'd love that" Rube smiled.

"If you lived over here I could get you a job in the hospital cafe just to get you earning some money" Ethan told him, "When you get back home have a look into getting into healthcare sometime" he suggested, "How about we say by time Vicky's baby is here you have got a job, or are at least on the track for something" he proposed.

"That's in like four months" Rube replied worryingly.

"It's doable" Ethan smiled.

"Okay" Rube replied, "You're planning for my future there" he stated, Ethan nodded confused at what he was getting at, "so do you think I'm going to make it? Through this sepsis thing?" Rube asked.

"Oh Rube" Ethan sighed and looked down, "Look, don't hold me to this but you're a fighter. Most people with sepsis barely have enough energy to talk, you're incredibly strong Ruben I wouldn't be surprised if they discharged you soon" He explained Rube looked at him full of hope, "What have you learnt from this?" Ethan asked him.

"To make sure whatever I cut myself with is clean" Rube replied.

"Rube!" Ethan snapped.

"It was a joke jeez!" Rube laughed, "I've learnt that I need help and that it's okay to admit that" he smiled, Ethan nodded he was filled with pride for the boy.

"So then, did you think you were going to be delivering a baby when that Katie came in?" Rube asked changing the subject.

"Yes I did" Ethan replied, "It won't be long until Vicky has hers, Uncle Rube" Ethan smiled, "It's great being an uncle..." his voice trailed off as he thought about Matilda.

"Have you delivered a baby before?" Rube asked him.

"Many actually" Ethan nodded.

"How do you know what to do, isn't every birth different?" Rube asked confused.

"Oh yeah definitely. Honestly, you've got to trust your instincts, pretty much anyone can deliver a baby, it's going to come out whether you know what you're doing or not but more often than not there are complications and that's when the pressure really hits you" Ethan explained.

"Is it not like...awkward?" Rube asked awkwardly.

"Of course not. Instincts naturally kick in, you don't have much time to stop and think 'wow okay, I could quite possibly have to stick my hands up this lady's vagina and pull a person out of it' it just sort of naturally happens" Ethan informed him.

"That is the funniest thing I've ever heard you say" Rube laughed, "I think it's 'cause you're so posh you don't expect you to speak like that it's just funny" laughed hysterically.

"I'm glad you find me amusing" Ethan rolled his eyes but he smiled along.

"I can't imagine you swearing or fighting with someone, have you ever been in a fight?" Rube asked.

"Oh yeah, plenty" Ethan replied easily, Rube's jaw dropped, "all with Cal but still" he smirked causing Rube to laugh once more.

"That doesn't count!" Rube laughed.

"Hey, ask Cal about the time I gave him a black eye, I think you'll find it does count" Ethan told him.

"You gave Cal a black eye?!" Rube asked amazed.

"Ethan, you're needed downstairs, major RTC in five minutes" Lofty popped his head around the door.

"Okay" Ethan's smile dropped, "right I'll see you later on, get some rest" he told Rube as he slowly laid his bed back down to how it previously was.

"Bye" Rube mumbled.

Ethan made his way down to reception where he would wait for the patients of the RTC to be brought through by the paramedics but as he reached reception he could hear a raised voice; it was Cal's.

"...I don't know how he is Robyn, why don't you go up there and find out yourself eh?!" Cal snapped at Robyn who stood back in shock.

"What's going on?!" Ethan demanded as he looked his brother in the eye, he'd only caught the end of his rant.

"I only asked how Rube was..." Robyn mumbled in reply.

"What's gotten into you Caleb?" Ethan snapped.

Cal shook his head and stormed off.

"I'm sorry about him" Ethan apologised to Robyn and then chased after Cal to the staff room, "seriously Cal, what was that?" Ethan asked, he wasn't going to let this slip.

"I don't know" Cal shrugged.

"Well then get yourself to the psych ward because this isn't you Cal, yeah you get angry but never like this, what's the matter with you?" Ethan asked.

Cal stared blankly at the floor as his brother spoke, "have you had some sleep yet?" He asked, "Since you had half the cells took out of your body have you had some sleep?" He urged, Cal didn't reply, "Caleb!"

"Oh Ethan just get off my back will you!" Cal roared as he stood to his feet ready to storm out but as he stood his legs turned to jelly and his body hit the floor, out cold.

"Cal!" Ethan called in worry as he kneeled down beside him, "can I get some help in here?!" He shouted out of the door.

Dylan rushed in and took one look at Cal before he stopped and put his hands on his hips "right" he started, "Max can I get a trolley in here for your friend please?" He ordered.

"Friend?" Max asked confused and popped his head in, realisation grew over him when he noticed it was Cal.

"Straight through to RESUS please" Dylan announced as they got him onto the trolley.

"No cubicles will do" Ethan spoke firmly.

They hurried through to an empty cubicle with Cal as he began to come around, Ethan wondered in and handed Max's phone back to him as he entered, "Go along with it" Ethan told Dylan quietly. Dylan looked at him confused.

Ethan picked up a random patient's notes and stood at the foot of Cal's bed as he woke, "Yes Doctor Keogh I think you're right, we're best doing an MRI, I'll call the psych ward and see if they can come and have a talk with him, see if they can help us understand what's going on with him but giving his symptoms it doesn't look too good" he sighed as he read the notes, Dylan still looked as confused as ever.

"What symptoms?" Cal asked as he held his hand up to his head, his voice was groggy.

"Oh dear, is that a headache too?" Ethan asked as he noticed Cal holding his head, "Right, Dylan can you call through to book an MRI and tell them it's urgent please?" he told him and Dylan wondered out of the cubicle confused.

"What's going on?" Cal asked as Ethan shook his head and pretended to be working through his notes, "Ethan!" Cal snapped, "What's happening to me?" he demanded.

Ethan looked up at him slowly, "Cal I don't want to worry you by jumping to conclusions okay-" Cal cut him off.

"What symptoms are there?" He asked worryingly.

"The one that is the most concerning is your sudden change in mood" Ethan stated.

"So what are you thinking?" Cal asked, worry becoming more and more evident in his voice, Ethan shook his head and then looked back down at his notes, "Ethan I'll figure it out sooner or later, I think you're forgetting I'm a Doctor-" Ethan cut him off.

"Finally!" He spat out, "I thought it was you that had forgotten that!" he told him, "You're a doctor not a superhero now stop acting like one." He spoke sternly, "You're fatigued Caleb. You need rest, that's all. I've booked you a taxi and here are my keys, get yourself to mine and have some sleep, there, that's my diagnosis" he forced out a smile and handed his house keys to Cal before he stormed off back to work with an impatient sigh.


	31. Chapter 31

**Hello everyone! Here's the next chapter, it's all about Rube, he's gone and gotten himself in a bad way yet again, will he be able to fight his urges? Find out in this chapter. Please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter thirty-one

Rube was sat in his hospital bed listening to music with Ethan's phone that he'd left him. He going through the talk he'd just had with Ethan about his future in his head, it all seemed so far away. Could _he_ really get into healthcare? Did he actually like the thought of the job or just the thought of being needed? He'd never felt needed. Right now he felt completely unneeded, no one from his own family had seen him since this morning, the only person who had bothered with him was Ethan and Robyn who came up not long after Ethan left but only stopped for a few minutes...it was slowly hitting home to Rube that the people who care most about him are the people who have no relation to him whatsoever, maybe it was an English thing? He wondered, but then again, Cal was English and he didn't care, perhaps it was just his family's thing; to not care. He sat in his hospital bed feeling as he always did; worthless. He looked at the packet of surgical scissors Ethan had left from changing his dressing and decided to keep them, just in case, heck they were even clean! He pulled out his earphones and detached his intravenous drip from his arm as he slowly got himself out of bed, wincing as he moved. He got on his clothes his mum had brought him, black jeans and a baggy hoodie, not his usual choice in clothing but right now he didn't care, he didn't seem to care about anything at the moment. He made his way out of his room checking both ways down the corridor before he left. He moved as swiftly as his aching body would allow but it wasn't quick enough as a nurse who had been treating him turned the corner and met him head on.

Her face lit up instantly as did every girl's when they came face-to-face with the handsome Ruben Wolfe, "Ruben?" she asked confused.

"It's Rube" he corrected her; you could hear the pain his was experiencing through his voice as he spoke.

"What are you doing out of bed?" she asked, "come on, let's get you back" she smiled politely and placed her hand on his back to led him away but this just caused him to wince.

"No" he told her as he shrugged off her hand, "I've just had a doctor tell me I'm doing fine, he seemed impressed, he said I'll probably be getting discharged soon" he explained referring to Ethan though he wouldn't tell her that.

"Oh really?" She knew instantly he was lying.

"Yes actually, he even changed my dressing" Rube smiled smugly as he gently pulled up his hoodie to show off his clean dressing.

"Oh right, okay then" she replied, he must've been telling the truth, "So where are you off to then? Because you haven't been discharged yet and I can tell by the way you're holding yourself you're still in pain" she looked at him knowingly.

Rube stood himself up straight as much as he could, "I'm going to see my brother" he told her.

"Lockie?" she asked, Rube nodded, "right well I'll come with you, if you just go back to your room I'll get you a wheelchair so you don't have to walk" she smiled.

"Will do" Rube smiled back and watched as she disappeared back down the corridor, he couldn't help but laugh at the nurse's gullibility; there was no way he was going back to his room. He got in the lift as he knew in himself he couldn't manage the stairs. As the lift doors opened to reception he knew there would be someone who would recognise him and so he put up his hood and limped himself towards the door.

"Excuse me! We have a no hoods policy in this hospital!" Receptionist Jack called over to him from his desk. Rube turned and shot a snarl at him as he left the building, "Rube?" Jack spoke to himself confused, the last time he saw Rube he was fighting for his life when Dixie rushed him through the ED doors, surely that couldn't have been him right?

He walked over to the peace garden; he'd never looked forward to having a sit down in his life. As he took a seat on a bench he knew straight away this was a bad idea, he was just hoping his nurse would run out with a wheelchair or receptionist Jack would come out to see if it really was him. He so desperately wanted to be back in bed, leaving it was a huge mistake, he felt awful. He decided he'd make his way back indoors soon; he'd make the most of this trip outside though. He pulled out a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and pulled one out, he placed it in between his lips and lit it, oh how his mouth had longed for this taste. He promised everyone he'd give up drinking and smoking and fighting but right now he needed it. He couldn't fight; he didn't have the energy and he had no money to buy alcohol as his money had been stolen during his mugging, but he had cigarettes or how he refers to them as "fags" and he didn't even feel guilty for lighting it. It had been a good few days since Rube had had his lips wrapped around one of his much loved burning sticks. The first drag he took of it caused him to find almost as much relief as he does when he cuts which surprised him; his body seemed to calm instantly. He held back the smoke for a while, allowing it to pollute his lungs before he blew it out and watched it disappear into the sky. He pulled out his lighter and left his fag in his mouth, his plump lips holding in place as he relaxed back into the bench. He flicked his lighter on and off remembering all the times his skin had drew contact with the flames from this exact lighter; he craved it. Though the thought of the fact this was the reason he was in this state caused him to place it back in his pocket. As he did so he felt something else in there; the scissors he'd taken from the hospital. He pulled out the packet and examined it as he took another long drag of his cigarette. They were sharp and they were clean unlike the other stuff he used to use to find relief in the past. He looked around and to his surprise found there was no one around, he looked back the scissors, he hadn't caused any harm to himself the whole time he'd been in the UK but right now the thought of changing that seemed overpowering...just as he was about to open the packet heavy footsteps caused him to snap back to reality as a man hurried past with a look of fear on his face, he ran straight for the ED doors "Doctor!" Rube heard the man call desperately before he disappeared indoors leaving him alone once more. He took another drag of his cigarette and thought about how perfectly those few seconds described his life, that man didn't even acknowledge him, it was like he was invisible and that's how Rube always felt; invisible. He pulled out the scissors and looked at them, he was going to use them and he was going to use them now.

"Aghhh!" He heard a female voice crying.

It stopped him momentarily but he continued to attempt to open the packet of scissors though he was completely weak.

"Someone help me! Please!" the same voice cried out again.

Rube looked across the car park to find a lady stood by the bus stop hunched over in pain, "help!" she cried. The dark thoughts in his told him to ignore her but somehow the newly discovered good in him shone through, he stuffed the scissors back in his pocket and hurried over throwing his cigarette to the floor as he made his way.

"Hi are you okay?" he asked as he looked at her warily.

"Do I look okay?!" she snapped as she pointed to her stomach showing she was pregnant.

Everything suddenly hit home to Rube; this woman was in labour, "I'll go and get help" he told her as he turned for the ED.

"No no! Don't you dare leave me!" She screamed, "My husband has gone in to get help-arghhh!" she cut herself off by crying once more.

"Okay, I'm here" he told her as he stood watching her worryingly unknowing of what do to, he pulled out Ethan's phone and dialled Cal's number, "please pick up, please pick up" me mumbled desperately as he listened to the ringing turn into the answer machine he sighed deeply and continued to look through Ethan's contacts.

"Arghhhh!" the lady screamed causing him to jump, he put Ethan's phone back into his pocket.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked her desperately, it was horrible seeing someone in so much pain.

"Help me!" She cried as she hunched herself more over.

"What? Right okay, um..." he paused to think, "here, sit down" he helped her to the ground, "Now lie back for me" he told her as he kneeled down beside her.

"Ah it hurts" she cried.

"I can imagine you're about to push a person out of your body that's got to kill like a bitch" Rube laughed nervously.

"That's not helping!" She snapped.

"Sorry! Okay, just...breathe!" he proposed, "In" he told her and took a deep breath in, "and out" he said as he breathed out, doing this exercise made him see that it was actually him that needed to breathe more than her he was panicking so much.

"What now?!" she asked.

"I don't know? When you feel like pushing just push!" he told her as he looked to the ED doors hoping to God her husband would hurry back out with a doctor before the baby came.

"Aghhhhhhhhh!" The lady screamed as tears streamed down her face.

"That's it you're doing so well!" Rube told her as he took hold of her hand.

"Was that it? Is it out?" She cried; she was exhausted.

"I don't think so" he replied awkwardly, he took a deep breath and worked himself up to look under her hospital gown, "No..." he told her, "Oh shit" he spat out horrified.

"What is it?!" she spat out in worry.

"Its head is out; I think by the next contraction you're going to be a mum!" He told her with a smile as he completely forgot about all things awkward and took hold of the baby's head, if he didn't help both the baby and the mother to be could die and he wasn't going to let that happen.

"Oh I can't do this, I'm not strong enough I'm tired and it hurts, I give up" she sighed as she rested her head back against the floor.

"No! No don't you dare give up, do you hear me?! Believe me I know how it feels to want to give up, you can do this!" he told her determinately.

"What do you mean?" she asked as she looked up at him.

He looked at her warily, he hadn't spoken about it since the day it happened, he didn't like to go back there, "...a few years ago I tried to end my life I wanted to give up on life entirely but look here I am now, helping you bring your child into this world...NOW PUSH!" he shouted.

"Arghhhhhh!" she screamed as she pushed harder than ever, sweat and tears pouring off her beetroot red face.

"That's it, that's it!" Rube told her as the baby was born. He pulled off his hoodie and wrapped the baby's tiny body up in it to keep it warm, "hey little buddy" he smiles as tear built in his eyes, he'd never witness something so amazing in his life, "you've got a son, you did it you've got a son and he's so so perfect" he cried as he sat down and held the baby as close as he could. He then found a good use for the scissors he had robbed; he opened them up and cut the umbilical cord with them. He got so caught up in the moment it was as though time itself had frozen to make the moment last longer; it was beautiful.

"Why isn't he crying?" The lady asked worryingly, snapping him from his bubble, Rube hadn't even noticed the baby wasn't crying, he looked at the woman and then back down at the baby, "Why isn't he crying?!" she sobbed.

It was then when Ethan's voice echoed through his mind, _"Pretty much anyone can deliver a baby...more often than not there are complications and that's when the pressure really hits you"_ He shook his head and looked at the tiny baby in his arms, "Hey come on buddy, I know it's much colder out here than it was in there but this is your home now, come on don't do this, don't give up" he spoke desperately as his tears of happiness quickly turned into tears of fear. He turned the baby over and started to rub his back.

"Why isn't he crying?!" the lady repeated again as she continued to cry.

"Come on matey don't do this" Rube spoke determinately as he continued to rub the baby's back. His crucifix was hanging right over the baby, he watched it as he continued to work, silently praying to himself that the baby made it through but it seemed like hoping for a miracle. A few seconds later the baby coughed up some mucus and let out a cry, "oh thank you God" Rube let out the biggest sigh of relief of his life, "hey buddy hey, oh I've never been so happy to hear someone cry before, that's it, you scream the street down I don't care, let everyone know you're here. You're amazing little one do you know that?" He smiled as he stroked the baby's tiny cheek with one finger, "do you want to meet your mummy eh?" He whispered as he gently handed him over to her, "Try and keep him covered up he needs to be warm" he sniffed.

"Hello my beautiful little boy" the lady cried as she held her son close to her, "thank you so much, I don't even know your name?" she asked.

"It's Ruben" he smiled.

"Nice to meet you I'm Katie" she told him causing them both to laugh; they could have met on better circumstances.

He watched the lady interact with the baby he'd just helped bring into the world amazed, suddenly life didn't seem so bad anymore. He grabbed the scissors he so desperately wanted to use to cut his skin a few minutes ago to find that craving was gone, how could he even think that when there are things _this_ beautiful happening in the world? He thought as he smiled at Katie.

"Ruben?!" He heard Ethan's worried voice call, he looked up to find Ethan, Dixie and the man who ran passed him earlier making their way over quickly, Max followed behind with a wheelchair.

Rube stood up as they reached them, "What have you done?" Ethan asked as he looked at Rube covered in blood and holding the scissors, he instantly thought the worst.

Rube opened his mouth to speak but he was in that much of a daze he couldn't get any words out.

"He's just saved my baby's life" Katie announced.

Rube nodded, "...What she said" he mumbled.

Ethan looked down at Katie and then to back to Rube, "oh wow, right okay let's get you both inside" he stated as he helped her sit in the wheelchair, she cradled her son tightly in her arms as her husband gave them both a kiss on the head. Ethan and Max hurried back into the ED with them.

Rube stood back in shock as he watched them leave.

"It's all a daze right?" Dixie asked as she stood next to him.

Rube nodded slowly still with his eyes fixed on where they'd left, he slowly sunk down onto the bus stop bench.

Dixie took a seat next to him, "I remember my first birth, it was back when I was in uni, it was the most amazing thing" she smiled, Rube nodded again. Dixie looked at him, examining his body, looking at his cuts, at his dressing from his stab wounds, she looked down at the scissors he held in his hands and took them off him gently causing him to look at her for the first time, "did you?" she asked.

"No" Rube replied.

"Good" she gave him a slight smile, "you're amazing person Ruben, the only person who can't see that is you" she told him causing him to smile. She took off her paramedic's jacket and placed it over his shoulders to keep him warm, "hey look at that, I think you suit green" she teased causing him to roll his eyes jokingly, "I think you'd make a great paramedic kid, you could be my sidekick. You can stay calm under pressure and you go along with your instincts, you've just saved two lives there I know some medical professionals who would've been completely clueless there...and obviously you're easy on the eyes too" she winked.

"Thanks" Rube laughed.

"Come on, let's get you back to your ward" she announced as she stood up, Rube stayed put and looked up at her, "Or do you reckon we'll have enough time to squeeze in a hot chocolate? I always have a hot chocolate after a hectic day, helps calm the nerves, and this is definitely what I'd class as a hectic say" she told him.

"Yeah, let's do that" He smiled as she helped him up.


	32. Chapter 32

**Another update for you all. Just a heads up I'll hopefully be bringing this story to an end soon as I have other stories in mind. Until then here's the next chapter, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

Home for the holidays - Chapter thirty-two

Rube was making his way back through reception with his hot chocolate cupped in his hands as Ethan spotted him and made his way over.

"Hey" Ethan smiled.

"Hi, how's Katie?" Rube asked. He hadn't been able to think of anything else since he's helped deliver her baby.

"She's fine, Ruben's doing well too" Ethan smiled.

"...I know I am" Rube replied uneasily confused at why he'd said it like that.

"Not you, Katie's baby" Ethan told him with a gleaming smile.

Rube's jaw dropped, "She called him Ruben?" he asked amazed.

"Yeah, after the boy who saved his life I believe her words were" Ethan smiled.

Rube couldn't find any words other than "wow" he couldn't believe he had such an impact on someone's life.

"You saved both of their lives Rube, do you understand that? What you did was amazing" Ethan tried to understand how brilliant he'd done.

"I didn't really do much, Katie did all the work" Rube shrugged.

"It's okay to be proud of yourself you know" Ethan told him.

"Hey pride is the worst of the seven deadly sins" Rube replied straight faced but he let out a smile, "I do feel slightly proud though, sorry God" he joked as he looked up at the ceiling.

"Good" Ethan smiled proudly but his facial expression soon turned to confusion, "I've got to ask though Rube, what where you doing out there in the first place?" he questioned.

Being put on the spot Rube didn't have enough time to come up with a lie to cover up why he was actually out there, "...I felt like crap, I had to get out of that hospital bed it was driving me crazy staring at the same four walls all day every day, I went outside for a fag" he explained.

"Okay..." Ethan nodded as he took in what the eighteen year old had said to him, "So if you went out there for a smoke...why did you have a packet of surgical scissors with you?" he asked carefully.

Rube sighed deeply, "I was hoping you hadn't noticed that part..." he began, "You left them when you changed my dressing, I thought I'd keep them in case I ever needed them" he explained but seeing the look of disbelief from Ethan he held his head down, "I wanted to cut and everyone keeps telling me the reason I've got sepsis is because I cut with things that weren't clean and those scissors were in a packet so they must've been clean right?" he spat out suddenly.

"Oh Rube" Ethan sighed, "I suppose it's my own fault for leaving scissors with someone who self harms, what were you thinking Ethan? You idiot" spat out angrily and held his head in his hands.

Rube ducked down to Ethan's level to get a better look at him, "Ethan I didn't cut" he told him, Ethan pulled his head out of his hands slowly and looked at him warily, "just as I was about to Katie started shouting I swear I didn't cut" he promised, "and to be honest, I'm happy I didn't, after that with Katie it's completely opened up my eyes Ethan, I don't even want to cut anymore" he told him sincerely, Ethan looked at him surprised, "I've just been talking to Dixie, she said that I'd make a good paramedic because I can stay calm under pressure and I go with my instincts...I thought she was just being nice at first but then she took me for a hot chocolate and told me about this new thing the NHS are starting, it's like an apprenticeship for paramedics almost, she seemed serious about it" Rube explained seeming shocked by it.

"You should go for it" Ethan replied easily.

Rube looked at him warily, "You seem serious about it too" he stated raising one eyebrow.

"That's because I am" Ethan shook his head at him, "Rube you seriously need to give yourself more credit, you can amount to great things Ruben the only person who is stopping you is you" Ethan told him sincerely.

"Rube!" Vicky called as her and the rest of Rube's family made their way of the lift, "I heard my little brother's a hero" she said as they made their way over.

"I'm so proud of you honey" Myra cupped his head in her hands and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"She named the baby after me mum" he told her, still baffled by it.

"Because she knows _that_ Ruben will be just as lovely as the one we know" she told him.

"We're all going home to get some sleep, Lockie's transplant is all done now, he's knackered, we've just got to wait to see how responds to it" Jimmy told him.

"Do you want me to stay with you Rube?" Myra asked.

"No mum, I'll survive" He smiled.

"You look worn out darling, get yourself some rest" she told him.

"I will, you too" He replied as his eyes looked over his mother's shoulder to the lift, his face lit up as he saw who walk out of it, "Oh, Lynda from the mental health ward!" He called as he rushed over to her leaving his family.

"Ah, Rube" she smiled as she stopped to talk to him.

"I've been thinking and...I've changed my mind about the medication, I want to give it another try" he told her, everyone looked at each other surprised, had they really heard him correctly?

"I knew you would" she smiled, "I can tell a good person when I see one, I knew you'd want a better future" she told him, "are you sure about this?" she asked to make sure.

"Yeah...it's been a good few years, I think I'll be okay" Rube replied confidently.

"Right okay, get yourself back up to your ward I'll be in to discuss treatment soon" she smiled.

He nodded and looked back at his family and Ethan who all watched him open mouthed, "what?" He smiled knowingly, "I'm going back up to my ward now" he gave them a wave and stepped into the lift.

"I don't know what you've said to him but thank you; you really do bring the best out in him Ethan" Myra pulled him in for a hug.

"Thanks Myra but...I haven't said anything, it's all Rube" Ethan replied with a smile as he pulled away from her.

"Both Lockie and Rube look up to you, that's nothing new for Lockie but Ruben doesn't look up to anyone Ethan, you're something special" she explained and then they all left leaving Ethan stood thinking her words over.

What made him so special? Ethan was adamant he was nothing special, he just treated Rube how he would treat anyone...why _had_ Ruben taken to him so much? Was Ethan really the only one who ever made an effort with him? Surely that can't be right.

His shift was now over and with Rube and Lockie happily in their wards Ethan decided he would go home for what felt like the first time all week. He hadn't heard from Cal since he sent him home for being severely fatigued, as he put his key in the door he could only hope Cal had taken his advice and gone to bed. Ethan had it in his head he would end up going on a hunt for his brother around all the pubs in Holby but when he popped his head around his bedroom door and found him spread out in his bed fast asleep and snoring did Ethan let out a sigh of relief. He closed Cal's door over and walked into the living room with a feeling of contentment filling him; Cal was finally looking after himself, Lockie's transplant was now all done and Rube finally had a plan for the future that didn't involve him drawing a sharp object to his skin. For the first time in a while he felt as though he could truly relax. He turned on some music, made himself a cup of tea and took a seat on the couch with his laptop; Ethan's way of relaxing of relaxing of course involved doing some research. He started looking into the paramedic course Rube had spoke of, reading deep into every aspect and making notes...six pages of notes and numerous amounts of cups of tea later, Ethan's laptop had been placed to the side and he was now slumped down on the couch asleep; cup of tea in hand. It wasn't like Ethan to fall asleep on the couch but he was that exhausted he hadn't even felt himself drift off. It was now half three in the morning, Ethan had been asleep for a good three hours, he had even started to let out a light snore as he took his breaths but the sound of a phone ringing snapped him suddenly from his slumber, startling him causing him to spill his tea in the most unfortunate place of his crotch making him look as though he'd wet himself. He sighed deeply at himself as he stood up and frantically wiped as much tea away as he could as he looked around for the source of the ringing; it was coming from Cal's room. He found Cal's phone in the pocket of his jeans that must've been wearing before he crashed out; how the ringing phone woke him and not Cal completely baffled him and so did the number that showed up on the phone as he looked at it...it was his.

"Hello?" Ethan spoke confused down the phone; his voice groggy from his sleep.

"Ethan?" Rube's voice called frantically in reply.

Suddenly it all came back to Ethan that he had given Rube his phone to keep him occupied, "Rube?" he asked still confused at what he was doing ringing at this hour.

"I was hoping you'd pick up" Rube told him, "They won't let me leave Ethan I hate it here and they won't let me leave-" Ethan cut him off, the eighteen year olds rambling was far too much for him to take in at half three in the morning.

"Rube slow down, what's happened? Who won't let you leave?" Ethan asked trying to make sense of this call.

"The nurses, I don't want to sleep here Ethan please come and get me" Rube begged, his voice sounded so desperate.

"Ruben they can't discharge you that's why they won't let you leave" Ethan explained.

"But I feel okay I just want to leave" Rube spat out.

"You're in ITU Rube, it doesn't work like that" Ethan replied sadly.

"But-" Rube's voice was cut off and a woman's voice now spoke calmly down the phone, "Hi, I'm Alice Crawley, I'm the nurse looking after Rube, he's just managed to get himself a bit worked up, I think it might have something to do with the anti depressants he's been put on" she explained.

"Give me my phone back!" Rube's voice called in the background.

"Look, we wouldn't normally allow visitors at this hour but he keeps asking for you, is there any way you can make it down here now?" the nurse asked.

Ethan looked down at his tea stained pants and sighed, "Yeah sure tell him to calm down, I'm on my way" he put the phone down. He grabbed his car keys and laptop and hurried out the door. He didn't stop to think, it felt like instinct to him to get to Rube's aid. Deep down he knew the reason why; he could always see Cal in Rube and having Rube needing him reminded him of the time Cal needed him too, the time before Cal moved away to Australia, before they found out he was adopted, when life was how it used to be. Rube would take him back to that time, right back to when Cal was in his teens and rebelling at every given chance whereas Ethan would be doing the right thing...Rube gave him a sense of nostalgia which he treasured.

He made his way through reception, receiving a confused glance from Noel and head straight up to ITU and through to Rube's room to find him sat up in his bed with his knees pulled up to his chest and his head buried into them. His nurse was sat before him on the edge of his bed no doubt telling the boy he had to spend yet another night in hospital.

"Hey..." Ethan spoke quietly catching the attention of both Rube and his nurse.

"Ethan" Rube sighed with relief.

"You got here quick" the nurse smiled at him.

"Yes, the streets are surprisingly empty almost four in the morning" Ethan spoke sarcastically flashing his famous cheeky smile at the young nurse causing her to blush, she looked him up and down but her eyes stopped when she noticed the tea stain on his pants.

"I'll be outside..." she spoke awkwardly and left.

Ethan rolled his eyes and took a few steps forward warily.

"Ethan tell her I'm leaving, I don't want to stay here! Please, help me Ethan" Rube begged, he seemed desperate.

"Okay, okay, I'll see what I can do" Ethan still felt half asleep, he left in search of the nurse who'd just left to discuss Rube's point but to also hopefully get a chance to explain the stain on his pants.

A few minutes later Ethan made his way back into the room, Rube looked up at him hopefully but Ethan gave him a shake of his head and closed the door behind him. Rube sunk back into his pillow and closed his eyes tightly.

"I've reasoned with them, you can't leave tonight but they said first thing in the morning they'll send the doctor in to see you and if he's happy he'll discharge you then" Ethan explained.

Rube opened his eyes "But I want to go now! You're a doctor, can't you discharge me?" he asked.

"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that Rube, I'm sorry" Ethan told him carefully as he sat down.

"Most of the people in ITU are on their death beds or fighting for their lives...I'm neither Ethan there's no need for me being here" Rube pushed.

Although he wouldn't admit it, Rube was right about that, he was the most energetic and alive patient the ITU ward had seen in a while, "the nurse said you've started your medication again" Ethan stated changing the subject, Rube held his head down and nodded, "That's good, it's a step forward" Ethan smiled. He examined his face, he looked exhausted, worn out, he could also do with a good shave however although it seemed impossible the stubble on the eighteen year olds face made him seem even more attractive. Rube could pull off the rugged look though Ethan was sure if he tried he'd just end up looking homeless.

"Why don't you get some sleep?" Ethan suggested.

"I really want to Ethan, I'm so, so tired" Rube replied.

"Then sleep?" Ethan shrugged, "what's up, you can't?" he asked.

"I _can,_ I'm that knackered I feel like I could fall a kip every time I blink but I really don't want to" Rube explained as he ran his hands through his tattered blonde hair.

Ethan thought back to when Rube refused to go back on his medication and the reason he had given to Lynda from the mental health ward, "Nightmares?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'm scared Ethan, if they're like how they used to be..." Rube's voice trailed off.

"It's alright, I'll be here" Ethan told him sincerely, "I know being cooped up in a hospital room isn't ideal, especially for someone who hates being in hospital as much as you but you're going to get out eventually okay? And if you want me to I'll stay with you the whole time, I'm here for you Rube" Ethan spoke softly.

Rube gave him a smile but it soon dropped, "Have you peed yourself?" he asked disgusted.

Ethan looked down at his crotch and back up at Rube frantically, "No no, it's tea I swear" Ethan explained desperately.

"Oh yeah, whatever you say Nibbles" Rube spoke sarcastically causing them both to laugh.

"Oh, I've been looking into that paramedic's course you told me about" Ethan handed him his laptop.

Rube scrolled through the perfectly organised notes completely baffled at the fact Ethan had taken time out of his day to benefit him.

"I definitely think you could do it Rube, the thing is they're only doing it in the UK at the moment, there isn't any plans to take it to Australia as it stands" Ethan tried to break the news to him carefully.

"Oh..." Rube spoke in realisation, he felt his heart completely shatter but not at the fact he couldn't do the course at home, it shattered at the thought of going home and more so of the fact Ethan had no plan of him staying..."Well, maybe I could stay in the UK" Rube suggested awkwardly.

"And give up a life down under? You've got to be kidding me right, most people would give their right arm to live in Australia" Ethan laughed, "Anyway, aren't you practically famous over there?" He asked.

"I suppose..." Rube replied unenthusiastically.

"You suppose? Weren't you the one telling me girls shout your name everywhere you go and ask for pictures with you when you're out? You have crowds of people around you when you busk, Lockie even told me you get people knocking at your door so they can see you, he was also telling me about twitter and how you have a blue tick or something, I'm not that educated when it comes to social media if I'm being honest but hey, that tick must mean something right?" Ethan asked.

"It means nothing to me" Rube replied.

"Isn't guitar playing and singing your passion?" Ethan asked easily.

"It was more a distraction, when things would go wrong I'd play to drown it out and take my mind off things...it turned out to be the only time people would listen to me and so I liked it and so did they" Rube explained, "I mean don't get me wrong of course I loved it, I loved the attention, the money, the music, but people used to use Lockie to get to me, he was too young to realise it at the time but then he got ill and suddenly people using him used to get to me, majorly" He stated.

"And you'd fight" Ethan added.

Rube nodded.

"But weren't you getting a proper manager when you get back home? It'll be much more professional with a manager-" Rube cut him off.

"I don't want to go back Ethan" He finally said it, he tore his eyes off the screen, "Honestly? I couldn't think of anything worse, I like it here and I want to stay" he concluded.


	33. Chapter 33

**Hello everyone! Hoping to get this story finished over this weekend or at least more frequent updates, speaking of which...here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter thirty-three

"Rube" he heard a familiar voice calling in the distance, "Ruben" it called again. He could easily open his eyes, sit up and reply but he didn't want to spoil his sleep, it was the type of sleep that was so peaceful, so soothing, so deep that you're completely lost in your dreams and thoughts yet every one of them are comforting, the type of sleep you wished you never had to wake up from; he'd not slept like this in years, so much so that this felt like a dream itself. "Ruben wake up" the voice called again. It wasn't going to give in and so eventually, he did. He opened his eyes to find himself in his hospital bed, around him where two strangers and Ethan who smiled at him, "The doctor's here to examine you" he told him.

"Five more minutes" Rube groaned and closed his eyes tight hoping he'd slip straight back into his deep sleep but it wasn't that simple.

"Rube he could discharge you if he examines you and you're stable" Ethan's voice spoke out knowingly.

"I'm up!" Rube spat out suddenly and sat himself up; nothing could be worth staying in hospital another night.

Ethan laughed at the boy's sudden energy.

"What time is it?" Rube asked.

"Half seven" Ethan replied looking at his watch.

"How did you sleep?" the doctor asked making small talk as he examined Rube.

"Amazing" he replied, still surprised by it, "I was convinced I was going to have a nightmare because of the antidepressants like I used to when I was last on them but it's completely different this time round, I haven't slept that good in years, well, without drink" Rube explained.

"You've matured since then, the way your body reacts to things changes to, sit forward for me" the doctor ordered politely as he and the nurse helped Rube sit up and the doctor pressed his stethoscope against his back, "Right okay I'm happy you're stable, everything seems fine here, I'll chase up your bloods we did last night if they're clear we'll send you on your way" the doctor informed him as he wrote in his notes, "I can't get my head around how quickly you've overcome this, most people with sepsis are stuck in here for weeks, just think a few days ago you were actually close to death and now look at you; amazing" the doctor stated as he wondered out of the room.

Rube and Ethan exchanged smiles.

"Right I'm just going to change your dressing for you Rube" the nurse explained as she cut the old one off his torso revealing his wounds, "Aren't you that busker from Australia?" she asked as she started to clean his cuts.

"That's right yeah" Rube replied as he winced at the pain of her.

"I'm a huge fan, I'm subscribed to you on YouTube, I watch all your videos, I couldn't believe it when I got given your notes this morning I thought I was seeing things but when I walked in I knew it was definitely you, no one can be that drop dead gorgeous" she babbled on.

"Thanks" Rube replied awkwardly as he shot a glance at Ethan who had to look away to let out a chuckle; he wasn't going to help him out of the situation.

"How's your little brother, he's got cancer hasn't he?" she asked as she started to pay more attention to Rube than she did her work.

"Leukaemia yeah, he's in this hospital too actually" Rube replied as he watched down where she _"cleaned"_ his wounds to find she was nowhere near them as she was no longer paying any attention to her work.

"Oh I hope he's okay, it must be so hard for you, I love that song you wrote about him it makes me cry, so what are you doing in Holby?" she asked.

"Visiting him" Rube nodded toward Ethan, "he's my brother's-" she cut him off.

"Adopted brother? I read something about that on twitter, I didn't believe it though, why would you come to Holby?" she scoffed.

Ethan watched on completely amazed at how much the nurse knew of Rube's life, no wonder he hated it.

"I actually really like it here" he told her sincerely.

"Yeah but Holby or Australia? You give me that choice and I definitely know what one I'd be choosing" She laughed awkwardly as she put too much pressure on one of Rube's stab wounds causing him to call out in pain.

"Look can you just get your job done properly? I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be leaving bleeding" he spat out suddenly as he covered he now open wound with his hand. Ethan stepped up and looked over her shoulder protectively at Rube's bleeding chest.

"I'm so sorry, I wasn't paying attention...please don't tell the doctor I'm new to this, it's my trail shift, look I'll cover you up, I'm really sorry" she panicked as she held some padding on him to help put pressure on his wound to stop the bleeding.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap like that, look I'm sure you're really good at your job; don't let this get to you okay?" Rube reassured her in a more clam tone.

She nodded as she continued to work but her shaking hands weren't helping her much.

"Look, why don't I finish off for you?" Ethan proposed as he took the dressing from her hands. She looked at him confused; "I'm a doctor" he smiled.

She nodded and stepped back allowing Ethan to clean Rube up, "Doctor I am a good nurse I swear it, I was just distracted" she told Ethan in fear of what he thought of her.

"Oh don't worry, I often have that effect on people" Rube replied smugly causing Ethan to laugh and the nurse to smile; she was now calming down.

"I know it seems wrong asking now but I'd kick myself if I didn't ask and you got discharged. Could I get a picture with you?" she asked.

Rube thought about it for a moment before he sighed, "Yeah, I need to get myself cleaned up first, a shave is the top of that list, I'll get one with you as soon as I'm out of this place" he smiled, "Which I'm hoping will be today" He spoke loudly as his doctor made his way back in.

"You're free to go Ruben" he smiled.

Half an hour later and Rube and Ethan made their way out of the ITU ward. Rube was now looking as polished as ever and was looking forward to finally leaving this hell of a hospital. As they got out of the lift to reception a small voice called their names.

"Rube! Ethan!" Lockie called excitedly as he ran straight to Rube and jumped into his arms.

Rube winced at the force of the boy hitting into his wounds but the excitement in him caused him to ignore it, "What's up buddy?" he asked.

"I've been discharged Rube! They think the transplant is already working and so they've discharged me, I've got a check-up in two weeks back home" he explained, speaking top fast for his mouth to keep up he was that excited; he couldn't get his news out fast enough. Rube looked over to reception at the rest of his family in disbelief but when he saw the smiles on their faces it hit home.

"Oh matey that's brilliant, I'm so happy for you come here" Rube sighed with relief and pulled Lockie in for another hug.

"Rube I'm going to get better, my hair will grow back and I can start school again!" Lockie announced.

"I'm so proud of you getting through this Lockie, you're so strong kiddo" Rube gave him a kiss on the head through his black hat covering up his hair loss; he was so happy he felt to cry.

"Don't get all soppy on me Rube I'm not better yet" Lockie laughed, "Have you been discharged too?" he asked full of hope.

"Yep, I told you I wasn't going to die" Rube teased as he tickled Lockie causing him to laugh hysterically.

"We'll have to celebrate" Myra smiled as they all made their way over.

"Well I was thinking, how about I cook you all a proper Christmas dinner back at my flat, we didn't have one being stuck in here, it can be sort of a belated Christmas Day" Ethan suggested with a smile.

"He makes some mean roast potatoes" Cal spoke giving him a nudge jokingly.

"That sounds perfect" Myra smiled, "I'm sure I could give you a hand too" she added.

"It'll be nice spending our last night together" Jimmy joined in.

"Wait, what?" Ethan and Rube spat out simultaneously as their smiles dropped.

"We're leaving first thing tomorrow, New Year's Day, there's no better way to start off Lockie's new lease on life eh?" Jimmy smiled as he pulled Lockie from Rube's arms and led him out of the hospital hand in hand, the rest followed except Ethan, Cal and Rube who all looked at each other sadly.

"I'm going home tomorrow?" Rube mumbled, Cal nodded.

"Rube, Cal, Ethan! Let's go!" Lockie shouted from the doors.

"Coming" Cal called back but kept his eyes on Ethan who suddenly found an interest in the floor, he wouldn't admit how heartbroken he was but it was evident. He was determined to make their Christmas dinner worth it as it would be the last time he'd see most of them in a while.

"Are you okay?" Cal asked him quietly as Rube wondered off through the doors.

"Back to reality tomorrow then eh?" Ethan smiled but it was blatantly forced, Cal nodded in reply, "at least you'll still be here I don't think I'd cope being on my own again after all this company" Ethan added admittedly.

"Come on guys, I don't want to spend any _more_ time in hospital!" Lockie shouted to them jokingly.

"We're coming" Ethan smiled as he made his way towards the door.

Cal froze on the spot unknowing of what to do, how could he tell his brother that he too had a ticket booked to fly back to Australia tomorrow morning? It was going to break his heart...

"Are you coming Caleb?"Ethan asked. Cal looked up at the smile on his brother's face as he waited for him to catch up, it suddenly caused tears to grow in his eyes but he held them back.

"Yeah" he smiled and they made their way out of the ED doors together.


	34. Chapter 34

**Hello everyone, Happy Easter! Here's the next chapter, thanks for the reviews on the last one, I love hearing what you guys think of each update it means a lot. I hope you enjoy this one, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter thirty-four

It had just gone half eleven in the morning and Ethan was now back at his apartment working on the Christmas dinner he had promised he'd make as a celebratory meal for Lockie and Rube getting discharged. He couldn't help but to think of it as a last supper seen as though Cal's family would be leaving to back to the other side of the world this time tomorrow. He had a feeling deep in the pit of his stomach that he couldn't shift, he knew it was down to the Wolfe's leaving but he could do nothing to stop that...never did he think when Cal surprised him with a visit a month ago he'd be feeling this way. It was the feeling you get when you're leaving school or leaving a job, when you become completely appreciative to every moment you've had and don't want the day to come to an end because you know in the end you'll cry, no matter how many times you promise yourself you won't.

"Hey, how's the cooking coming along Mary Berry?" Cal asked as he took a seat at the counter.

"I'd like to think of myself as more of a Jamie Oliver thank you, and great, well, not really, I've had to improvise by using ready cooked turkey because the turkey I had would probably take until next Christmas to defrost and also there wouldn't nearly be enough for everyone so ready cooked turkey it is" Ethan smiled as he continued to work.

"Well I'm sure whatever you do they'll be impressed, they've never had a proper Christmas dinner, it's always barbeques on the beach Lockie can't wait to try it" Cal replied as he tapped on the table impatiently as if he had something to say that he couldn't get out.

"No pressure there then, I definitely will have to try and channel my inner-Jamie Oliver" Ethan chuckled.

"Nibbles, why don't you leave it for now? We can have a talk? I've barely seen you properly on this trip" Cal suggested putting emphasis on the word _trip_ hoping Ethan would somehow get it.

"Channelling your inner professional chef takes time and effort Caleb, I'd say you'd know that but seen as though you can barely cook toast right..." Ethan trailed off as he continued to work, keeping his back to Cal.

"Ethan just come and sit down" Cal snapped startling Ethan.

"What's got into you?" Ethan asked as he made his way over to the counter wiping his hands on his apron as he did so, "I was only joking about the toast" he told him warily as he took a seat.

"I know" Cal replied, "I just feel like everything's got in the way, I've barely seen you and that was the point in this trip, the reason I came home for the holidays was to see you" he explained.

"Well you're seeing me now, you know I'm not that interesting if you don't recall" Ethan chuckled.

Cal looked at his little brother, the words were so close to leaving his mouth but he just couldn't bring himself to say them, "Let's go for a drink" he proposed.

"You're kidding me right?" Ethan asked baffled, "It's not even twelve o'clock Cal, plus this dinner for eight won't cook itself" he stated as he stood back up, "nine if you include Vicky's baby, she's eating for two now" he added causing more pressure on himself.

"Oh come on Ethan, the dinner is practically done what's left to do? The gravy? Look, it's not like we're going to get blind drunk, it'll just be some way-overdue brotherly bonding... _come on_ " Cal urged.

Ethan looked over at his dinner to find it was practically done, Cal was right, and then back to his brother who looked at him hopefully, "Fine" he sighed, "And we're definitely _not_ getting blind drunk" he spoke firmly as they made their way to the door.

Three hours later and the pair of them stumbled their way through Ethan's front door singing the words to a song by The Kinks that their mother used to play when they were younger and sounding very out of tune but it didn't stop them, Cal put his arm around Ethan as they continued to sing drunkenly at the top of their voices.

"Strangers on this road we are on, we are not two, we are one!" They sung and laughed hysterically together.

Cal threw himself back onto the couch and closed his eyes, "This is what this trip was meant for!" he announced as Ethan wondered into the kitchen.

"Caleb!" Ethan spoke suddenly, "The Christmas dinner!" he called in realisation as it had managed to completely slip his mind, he now felt slightly more sober.

"Oh shit" Cal laughed as he hurried into the kitchen.

"I can't host a dinner party drunk" Ethan spat out in worry.

"Chill little bro we've got loads of time before they get here, just get some water down you" Cal told him.

Ethan nodded and stuck a glass under the kitchen tap. Just as his lips touched the glass there was a knock on the door.

"It can't be..." Ethan spoke in dread.

"Ethan open up!" Lockie's excited voice called from outside.

"Oh but it is" Cal chuckled mischievously, "Coming!" he called and ran to open the door and let the cavalry in. Ethan appeared from the kitchen to greet his guests.

"Merry late Christmas and Happy New Year's Eve!" Lockie announced as he ran to Ethan for a hug.

"You too" he smiled trying his hardest to hide his drunkenness.

He made his way through a hug from Lockie, Myra, Vicky, Danny and a handshake from Jimmy without them suspecting a thing but the second Rube laid eyes on him he looked at him knowingly, "Are you drunk?" He smirked as he hugged him.

"Shut it Rube" Ethan forced out a smile at him causing him to laugh.

They made their way through dinner, everyone incredibly impressed by Ethan's ability to cook an edible meal for eight in such short time. Ethan had managed to get other people to drink alcohol too to take the attention off him and Cal whilst he downed as much water as he could, Rube and Danny had started to get tipsy but Rube was constantly reminded by his mother to take it easy as he had a 24 hour flight early the next morning. It was now almost ten o'clock in the night and everyone had enjoyed themselves, they spent the majority of the night talking and telling stories and spending time together as a family. Lockie challenged Ethan to yet another game of chess and of course Lockie won. Ethan had now fallen asleep in a chair as the night died down, glass of water in hand.

"Tonight must have taken it out of him" Danny laughed as he gestured over to sleeping Ethan drawing all the attention to him.

"Did he stay with you last night Ruben?" Myra asked.

"Yeah he stayed in the chair next to my bed" Rube replied.

"Oh he didn't have to do that...right shall we get going? Leave him to get some proper sleep" Myra suggested as she looked down at Lockie who was lying across the couch with his head resting on her lap, he too was asleep.

"No!" Cal spat out, "We can't just disappear while he's asleep, we're leaving tomorrow we can't leave without saying goodbye" he told them sternly.

"We'll drop in before we go to the airport, don't be waking him kid" Jimmy told Cal but he ignored him.

"Ethan" He called as he gave him a nudge waking him up, "are you okay?" he asked him.

"Yeah" Ethan replied as he stood himself up, he leaned himself back against the wall for support as he realised he still felt slightly drunk.

"We're leaving soon buddy" Jimmy told him.

Ethan nodded slowly, "I just want to stay how happy I am to have met you all, I wish you all the best in your lives, you are truly amazing people and I could only wish that I had a family like yours" he spoke sadly.

"You do" Rube announced, "We _are_ your family" he smiled as he raised his glass, "to Holby" he toasted, "To Holby" everyone echoed and raised their glasses to the trip that changed their lives in many ways. They're toasting woke Lockie up though he still lay with his head resting on his mother.

"Speaking of which..." Rube started as he sat forward in his chair, "I've got an announcement to make" he stated excitedly.

"What is it honey?" Myra asked.

"I'm not coming back home with you all, I'm staying here in Holby" Rube stated proudly looking over a Ethan whose stomach flipped, he thought Rube had forgotten all about the conversation they had in the hospital last night thinking it was all nothing more than nonsense coming from the sleep deprived teen.

"Wait, what?!" Lockie spat out as he sat up suddenly.

"Don't be ridiculous Rube why would you stay here?" Vicky laughed.

"You've had too much to drink Ruben" Jimmy shook his head.

"I'm being serious. I'm staying" Rube stood his ground.

"We've already booked your ticket home" Myra told him.

"Well un-book it because I'm serious about this mum" Rube stated.

"Okay so what would you do if you stayed?" Vicky shrugged.

"There's a paramedics course that Dixie told me about, I've looked into it with Ethan and-" Jimmy cut him off suddenly.

"Ethan you knew about this?" Jimmy spoke sternly as everyone looked towards Ethan shocked, including Cal.

Ethan leaned himself against the wall so hard, hoping it would somehow swallow him up. He hated confrontation yet he could sense it about to happen, "Ah well I um, I did look into the course for him but I- does anyone want another drink?" He made a beeline for the kitchen.

Jimmy turned back to Rube, "You? A paramedic?" he scoffed.

"What? You don't think I could do it?" Rube asked.

"Honestly? No, I don't" Jimmy replied bluntly, "Rube, you're not exactly academically smart like your brothers and Vicky or Ethan, or me and your mother even...you're more creative. You're a pretty boy Ruben and nothing more, you're meant for performing, singing, acting, dancing, modelling, you're not made for a proper job" he continued his lecture, not stopping to consider his son's feelings, "or maybe boxing, let's not forget about that now" he added as he took a sip of his drink.

"Those things are classed as proper jobs dad" Cal announced sticking up for Rube.

"Not really though right?" Jimmy smirked.

"What so you're calling me stupid?" Rube asked baffled that these words were coming from his dad.

"You're not stupid, you're actually quite talented...talented at the things no one cares about and the things that don't matter, but all the same" Jimmy shrugged.

"You're wrong" Rube replied, his voice breaking slightly as he held back his tears. His father's words were breaking his heart though he wouldn't let that show.  
"I believe in you honey I'll support you no matter what, but why don't you do that course back home eh?" Myra spoke softly.

"They don't do it back home mum, I've looked into it already" Rube told her.

"No, he'd need qualifications to do it back home wouldn't you eh? And you've got none Ruben because you dropped out of college didn't you? Smart idea eh?" Jimmy spat out.

Rube shook his head, "I didn't like it there-" Jimmy cut him off.

"You couldn't be bothered with a little hard work is all!" He shouted.

"Woah okay dad just calm down it has nothing to do with that, you know exactly why he dropped out of school" Cal stepped in again.

Ethan had slowly made his way back into the living room and had listened in to the entire debate and decided it was time to step in too, to stick up for Rube, "I'm sorry but Ruben was bullied, he had a perfectly good reason to drop out-" Jimmy cut him off.

"You seem the type to be bullied Ethan, I bet you didn't drop out or else you wouldn't be where you are today" Jimmy spoke bluntly.

Ethan couldn't help but feel offended by his words but he continued nonetheless "...yes you're right I was bullied and no I didn't drop out, I did switch schools though, many a time because of bullies, the only reason I didn't drop out was the fact I had Cal there to protect me...if I didn't have him, God, I definitely would've dropped out no question" he explained.

"I wouldn't want to do the course back home if I could anyway, I like it here, I'm happier here" Rube drew the attention back to him.

"How so?" Jimmy asked.

"I just am...I know you don't like me bringing it up dad but this is the longest I've gone without cutting since I was twelve years old, I've gone an entire month and the thought of cutting now doesn't even sound appealing to me but the thought of going home...it just rips my heart out dad I want this so bad and I'm willing to work hard for it" Rube spoke determinately.

"Oh here he goes again using the depression excuse, it's getting old now Ruben you can't keep using it as a get out of jail free card this is ridiculous" Jimmy scoffed.

Rube physically deflated before everyone.

"Woah woah okay that's enough!" Ethan shouted, "Rube isn't using any get out of jail free cards, what he has just told you is so immense and such a huge step up and I just want to say how proud I am of him because no one else seems to be saying it, he is planning for a future, he's happier, and you should never ever bring a person down, especially when that person already thinks so low of himself, and especially when that person is your son. He needs support and I'm willing to give it to him" he stated.

"Okay say you do stay Rube, you've got no money, no job, no home...where will you stay?" Jimmy asked looking at Rube, he opened his mouth but he couldn't bring himself to talk just yet.

"Here." Ethan replied confidently, "he can stay here, with me, for as long as he wants and he doesn't need money, I'll give him any money he needs, and job-wise? I could get him a job in the hospital shop at the drop of a hat" he stated.

"I couldn't trust him; he'd drink and smoke and probably try to top himself a few more times-" Jimmy was cut off by Rube standing up and storming out of the flat, slamming the door hard behind him and leaving the entire room in an extremely uncomfortable silence.

Cal shook his head at his father and made his way towards the door, "I'll go" Ethan stopped him and made his way out in search of Rube.

He found him down the corridor sat on the steps with a cigarette placed between his lips. He didn't speak he just took a seat on the step next to him.

Rube took a long drag off his cigarette and blew out the smoke before he started talking, "That's what he's really like, no one's sick anymore so he doesn't have to be nice anymore, you say one thing he doesn't agree with and he hits you with all the facts like he's a lawyer for the defendant and you're the prosecutor" He stated as he took another drag off his cigarette and looked out at the view of the city, "but you're always the bad guy see?" he blew out the smoke and looked at Ethan for the first time, Ethan just sat and listened to him, "It won't be long before he starts on Lockie like that too, Vicky told me he already gave her a lecture for getting pregnant before the end of uni, she's practically finished now anyway she's only got graduation and it's not like she's got knocked up by some randomer, it's Danny, she's known him since she was three, Danny's been in her life longer than I have, Dad's a joke" Rube shook his head and looked back out at the view.

"You know, usually I'd try and stick up for someone being called a joke but after what I've just witnessed I can't help but agree" Ethan spoke for the first time as he watched him carefully, "You can come and visit Rube, whenever you want alright? My door is always open" he spoke softly but this just caused Rube to breakdown, he threw his cigarette away and buried his head into his knees as he cried, he nodded in reply to Ethan's proposal, "Promise me you'll keep it up Rube, you've done amazingly, please don't go back to that place you were in, you are so _so_ much stronger than that" Ethan spoke quietly as he put his arm around him.

"...I promise I'll try" Rube sniffed.

"Rube" Jimmy's voice called from behind them, Rube and Ethan turned to face him "we need to talk son" he told him.

 _To be continued..._


	35. Chapter 35

**Hello everyone, I hope you've all had a wonderful Easter! What will Jimmy have to say? Will Rube get his way? Find out now, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter thirty-five

"How much do you want this?" Jimmy asked as Rube stood before him.

"More than I've ever wanted anything before in my life" Rube replied as he wiped away his tears and tried to be strong.

Jimmy looked at Ethan and then back to Rube as he thought. He let out a huge sigh and spoke, "...six weeks Ruben. I'll give you six weeks to try life out on your own and if you change your mind in the slightest you're coming straight home-" He was cut off by the force of Rube hitting in to him for a hug.

"Oh thank you dad, you won't regret it I swear" he cried as he hugged him tight.

"You behave yourself you hear?" Jimmy told him as Rube pulled away, he nodded in reply as he wiped his tears away once more, "and Ethan if he's any trouble at all you just let me know alright? He'll be on the next flight home" Jimmy warned as he winked at Rube.

"Thanks but I'm sure he won't be any trouble" Ethan replied easily as they made their way back to Ethan's.

"I do believe in you Ruben...I just didn't want to lose _you_ to the UK as well, Victoria is already starting a family over here and I just-" Rube cut him off.

"I get it dad, don't worry" Rube told him reassuringly.

"...well?" Vicky asked as they made their way back inside.

Rube took a deep breath "I'm staying" he announced with a smile.

"Welcome to the rainy UK little bro, it's not as cool as you think you know, no pun intended" Vicky laughed as she gave him a hug.

"Thanks but I think it'll do me" Rube stated.

"Right I'll have to get you a sofa bed for the living room" Ethan started to plan for is new housemate.

"He can just have my room?" Cal suggested.

"Well where would you stay?" Ethan asked easily.

Cal slowly made his way over to him, it was time to break the news, "...Ethan, I'm going back to Australia tomorrow with mum and dad and Lockie" he spoke carefully.

You could see Cal's words physically hit him like a tonne of bricks, "Oh" he mumbled as he looked down.

"I'm sorry I didn't know how to tell you, I could stay here but, well, Lockie needs me more right now, and it's the first time I've known him when he isn't fighting for his life and I'm quite excited to see that side of him" Cal explained.

After a few seconds of silence Ethan looked up at him "I understand" he nodded.

"Are you okay?" Cal asked him warily.

"Yeah, I don't know why but I just didn't imagine you leaving again, I just assumed you'd be staying...I thought I had you back...but I completely understand Caleb don't worry about me, I've got Rube to keep me company" Ethan stated as he shot a smile at Rube.

"We won't lose contact this time okay? I promise" Cal told him sincerely.

"Good, because if we do I'll be over there quicker than you can say the word 'Nibbles' ready and waiting for a perfectly good excuse for it" Ethan joked causing Cal to laugh.

"Come here Nibbles" Cal smiled as he pulled him in for a hug.

"Rube..." Lockie's small voice whimpered causing everyone to look towards him, "I don't want you to stay Rube I want you to come with me" he cried as he ran and threw his arms around him.

Rube kneeled down before him, "Look Lockie, do you know how much you want to go back to school? You know that feeling you feel?" he asked Lockie nodded as the tears continued to trickle down his face, "that's what I feel about this...I _really_ want this Lockie" Rube told him determinately.

"You're my best friend" Lockie cried.

"And you're mine. And you always will be okay? Nothing will _EVER_ change that I promise" Rube told him sincerely as he wiped the tears from his little brother's cheeks.

"Will you call me?" Lockie whimpered.

"Every day" Rube told him.

"Promise?" Lockie asked.

"Cross my heart and hope to die" Rube promised as he held his pinky out, Lockie wrapped his much smaller pinky around his brothers and they set the promise into stone.

Lockie threw himself into Rube once more, "I'll miss you" he cried as Rube held him.

"I'll miss you too, I love you little buddy" Rube replied as tears built in his eyes once more.

"I love you too" Lockie sobbed as Rube picked him up and held him tight.

"I really want this mum" Rube told her as she watched on.

"I know you do Ruben...I just, can't lose you" She spoke sadly as she made her way over.

"Mum you won't lose me, if anything you'll get me back. I'm free when I'm here mum, I can be myself and I love it...I'll always be your son" Rube whimpered.

"I know, I know" Myra gave him a kiss on the head, "You chase your dreams Ruben, never forget how proud I am of you son" she smiled as a tear escaped her eye.

"Look after my baby for me Ethan" Myra told him as she put her arm around Rube and gave him a kiss.

"Mum, stop being embarrassing!" Rube moaned as he rolled his eyes.

Ethan smiled at them and then turned to the TV "Hey look, it's the countdown" Ethan announced.

"Five, four, three, two, one! Happy New Year!" Everyone cheered, even Lockie who was still clung to his big brother Rube, but the second he heard the fireworks outside he jumped from his arms and hurried out.

"Woah!" He spoke amazed as he looked up at the different colours lighting up the black sky. His family stood around him, them too watching the fireworks with smiles gracing their faces. Lockie looked up at Ethan who stood next to him; Ethan too looked down at him and smiled. He held his hand out for a high five but instead Lockie took hold of it and held it tight, "I'm so glad I met my English brother" Lockie grinned.

"Me too" Ethan smiled.

"We're swapping big brothers Nibbles" Lockie announced, "I'll looks after yours if you look after mine" he teased.

"Deal" Ethan grinned as they shook hands causing Cal and Rube to laugh.

"I'll look after your little brother if you look after mine too" Rube held his hand out to Cal to shake.

Cal looked at his hand for a moment and then at Lockie and Ethan who awaited their handshake, "nah you're alright" he shrugged.

"Oh thanks" Ethan laughed sarcastically.

"I'm joking, deal" Cal smirked as he shook Rube's hand.

"I wonder where we'll all be in five years...what will we be doing?" Rube announced as he looked up at the fireworks.

"Hopefully you're doing something with paramedics, something that doesn't involve you being on the stretcher that is" Jimmy spoke sarcastically.

"Me too" Rube spoke wondrously, no doubt imagining it.

"I'm going to be fifth-teen" Lockie announced amazed.

"Ah fifth-teen, you're going to be constantly moody and blowing me off for girls" Cal joked causing Ethan and Rube to nod along.

"I wouldn't do that Cal!" Lockie replied confidently.

"We all say that buddy" Rube winked.

"Come here you" Cal called as he grabbed Lockie and sat him on his shoulders as they all continued to watch the fireworks. For the first time ever everyone's lives seemed to be finally falling into place and there was nothing more exciting than that...


	36. Chapter 36

**Hello everyone! Here is the final instalment of Home for the Holidays which as some of you guessed is an overview of what happened for the Wolfe family and Ethan over the next five years. I really hope you enjoy, just want to say thank you to all that have read and for all the reviews, means a lot. Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter as always, thanks again hope you all have a great day, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays – Chapter thirty-six

Five years

Five years had passed. Five years, that's 60 months, 260 weeks, 1826 days...that's a lot when you think about it like that but it seemed to fly by and in that time _a lot_ had happened.

Let's start with Ethan. It took a while to get used to his new housemate Rube but they soon got the hang of it and their brotherly relationship grew stronger than ever; it was just like having Cal back. Ethan was still at Holby and had now worked his way up to becoming a consultant in the new year which he was most pleased about as not only had he for-filled his childhood dreams but he now felt more in control than he did being a specialist registrar which meant he could choose when he wanted his holidays and not feel guilt ridden for taking them. Once he was comfortable and settled in his new job role he took a month out to visit Cal and his family back in Australia, well, three weeks was all the fair-skinned Doctor could manage in the blistering heat. Not only did he get burnt to a crisp but he also discovered he was a walking target for mosquitoes no matter how much spray he used and he was _adamant_ those famous Australian hats with the cork swigging off them hat no good effect what so ever, yet he refused to take it off the entirety of his stay. Though, his trip down under was definitely worth it; he got to spend it with the rest of his family and for the first time ever got to see Lockie full of life instead of fighting for his life and was there to celebrate his 11th birthday with the boy who now seemed a completely different person with all the energy he had to spare. It was the first time he'd seen the boy filled with so much life, it was refreshing to witness, he was exactly how every eleven year old should be...it was beautiful. Ethan and Honey's relationship was still in full swing, obviously with them being such opposite characters they had their differences but they would take time to work them through. Two years into these five years Honey decided on a career change which would involve her taking up a three year course. Honey was now working towards becoming a nurse and was looking forward to being able to work alongside Ethan, by the end of these five years she would graduate and her wish would come true. Ethan had of course helped her with revision and had now gotten into the habit of calling her Nurse Wright instead of her actual name. Ethan had become more open minded being with Honey and discovered he liked Disney films a lot more than he thought he would and Honey too didn't mind Ethan's three hour French movies with subtitles... _that much_. They were now planning a future together, a baby being top of that list which both of them were excited for and left Ethan wondering "where will I be in _another_ five years time?" His mind could wonder endlessly...

As for Cal, he flew back to Australia with his family five years ago, as planned. He took out a year from work to be with Lockie as he too had never seen his brother filled with so much life and wanted to make the most of it. He and Lockie had gotten closer than ever and they treasured every moment they spent together. After his year break he too had took on a career change; he decided to work towards becoming a paediatric oncologist, he was already qualified to supervise Lockie when he had leukaemia after he took some exams during his first visit to Australia but he'd been so inspired by his little brother he decided to take it a step forward and he was loving every second of it, knowing the outcome will consist of him helping more children like Lockie. Cal also had a relationship on the go with a girl he met because of Lockie. Remember Peter Pan the panto that Ethan took Cal and Lockie to see? Remember 'hot Tinkerbell' as Lockie would refer to her as? Well...it turns out she was making 2016 the she did some travelling and just so happened to be seated three seats away from Cal on their flight back to Australia which caused Lockie – who of course recognised her straight away - to not stop talking about her for the majority of the flight, even calling over to her as Tinkerbell and giving her a wave more than once leaving Cal to apologise on his behalf. Lockie then took it upon himself to offer her a drink from Cal, which then got the pair of them talking for the rest of the flight. Cal had never rolled his eyes so much in his life than on that 24 hour flight back to Australia, at Lockie for springing this on him when he'd much rather be asleep, not the girl. Lockie was adamant to get Cal and Tinkerbell – who's actual name was Annabelle - together but the last thing on Cal's mind was a relationship; he wanted to spend time with Lockie not a girl. Once they got off the plane Cal thought that would be the last he'd see of her but when he took up medical school once more to become a paediatric oncologist and began his practical work of course the actress playing his mock patient during his exams would be Annabelle, what are the odds? As Lockie said once Cal had told him the news. Annabelle started popping up pretty much everywhere after that, turns out she lived in the same block as Cal's apartment and took up a day job as a waitress in a restaurant that just so happened to be his family's favourite which they'd visit every fortnight. "What are the odds?" quickly became Lockie's new catchphrase, it got to a point where even Cal couldn't deny this could be anything other than fate; he finally gave in to Lockie's constant begging and asked Annabelle out on a date where he quickly fell head over heels in love with her and neither of them had ever looked back since and they both had Lockie to thank for that. Cal had gotten back to his usual self but they decided together they would take things slow as Cal did have a thing for moving too quickly, flashback to him being ready to ask Taylor to marry him after a month of knowing her...that would always send a shiver down his spine and being with Annabelle now made him see that he had a lucky escape. Lockie would always remain Cal's priority though; Annabelle understood that which was one of the many things he loved about her.

Vicky and Danny still live over in London and they had their baby in May of 2016, a little boy who they named Lachlan after his youngest uncle. A year later they decided it was time to tie the knot back home in Australia and life had never been better. Little Lachlan who is now five also has a younger sister on the way.

With Lockie getting better Myra was able to go back to work as a nurse, only part time as she still wanted to spend time with her son but it was like a breath of fresh air being able to work again. Jimmy also went back to work as a lawyer after their visit to Holby but he made sure he spent time with his family as only now had he come to realise how important family was. Each Christmas the Wolfe family would fly over to Holby to spend it with Ethan, Rube, Vicky, Danny and baby Lachlan; it became a family tradition.

Now, it's time to talk about Rube...where to start? Let's start by saying he's happier. After the six weeks his father had set him to try out life in Holby he decided he'd completely fell in love with the idea of staying and as simple as that, he never left. As promised he started his paramedic course and it didn't come without a challenge. He had a job in the hospital shop on the side curtsy of Ethan. The paramedic course proved harder than he fist figured and there came many a time he thought about giving up and going home but with support from Ethan, Dixie and Robyn he pushed through and was now a qualified paramedic loving every second of it. If you were to ask anyone about Rube who knew him when he were 18 the first thing that would come out of their mouths would be "he's a changed man" and boy that was true...these five years had affected Rube the most out of everyone, five years ago he was depressed, suicidal, he had no ambitions and he pretty much hated himself now? He's happy, he's got a good job and he's settled, yes you read that right, settled. He'd spent pretty much every single day since he decided to stay with Robyn at his side and he was sure it was love, so sure in fact he'd actually popped the question, yes, Ruben Wolfe had asked somebody to marry him, and that somebody being Robyn. Of course she said yes and although they hadn't set a date yet their love was as strong as ever. It would be a church wedding, of course, giving how religious Rube was; he still managed to get himself to church every Sunday, even if it was just the hospital chapel at the end of shift. He'd managed to give up smoking; his mind was opened hugely during his studies and he was repulsed out of it, he still drank alcohol but not to the point of thinking he had to fight everyone in his path as he used to when he was young and reckless. He still played guitar whenever he could, that was a part of him he'd never lose. Ethan had never been prouder of anybody in his life, seeing how far Rube had come warmed his heart completely. As for the self harming? It was gone. Obviously that wasn't as easy, the urge was still there, nibbling at him but the only time Ruben Wolfe's skin drew contact with a sharp object again was when he got a tattoo as a tribute to his little brother who sadly passed away three years after his family went home from their visit to Holby.

Ah, yes, it's the person you've wanted to hear most about; it's Lockie's turn... He had his first check up back in Australia two weeks after they made it back home and he was told his stem cell transplant from Cal had been a total success and that he was finally in full remission and life was looking great. As soon as their plane touched down back in Australia Lockie made sure his parents phoned his school and told them he would be starting in the new term which he did. He loved every second of school, the homework, the essays, the exams, everything. He enjoyed being a normal kid for once in his life. He got to live two years normally, how he wanted, he had been ill for so long he had almost forgotten what normality felt like as he would constantly be at hospital or too ill to move; they were the best years of his life by far, he got a pet snake which he'd always wanted, his hair had grew back properly, it almost looked as perfect as his older brother Rube's..." _almost"_ as Rube would always tease _._ Lockie had even taken after his womaniser big brothers and gotten himself a girlfriend. He was happy and free. He spent most of his time with his big brother Cal which meant the world to him because without Cal, he wouldn't be still alive...

Though when he got called in for one of his routine checkups for seeing how he was dealing in remission the doctor re-discovered some symptoms and after a few tests discovered Lockie's cancer was back and it was stronger than ever. He lost his battle a just under year later. He was thirteen years old. It was heartbreaking, of course, any loss is. But to lose a child - and especially one as glorious and as loving as Lockie - that loss would never truly hit home. Cal's stem cell transplant gained his little brother an extra three years of happiness to live and so he would always have that comforting thought at the back of his mind. His death hit Rube the hardest and everyone was concerned it would trigger the twenty-one year old to go back to his eighteen year old self and pick up some bad habits but instead he decided to live for Lockie; he wanted to make him proud.

The death of young Lachlan Wolfe brought everyone closer than ever, although Lockie didn't make it to fifteen years old, his short life definitely had an effect on everyone he ever met and everyone made sure, in Australia and Holby that the thirteen year olds memory would always live on.

 _"1. Meet Ethan (my English brother) - DONE!  
2\. See Peter Pan - DONE!  
3\. Raise money for Leukaemia. - DONE!  
4\. See real snow – DONE!  
5\. Make a real snowman - DONE!  
6\. Have a real Christmas (decorate a tree) - DONE!  
7\. Find someone who can beat me at chess - DONE!  
8\. Make Rube happy - DONE!  
9\. Make mum and dad happy - DONE!  
10\. Make Caleb happy - DONE!  
11\. Go to England – DONE!  
12\. Try real fish and chips - DONE!  
13\. See a shooting star - DONE!  
14\. Grow my hair back again - DONE!  
15\. Get better KICK CANCER'S BUTT! - __**DONE!**_  
 _16\. Write letters to everyone in case I don't. - DONE!_  
 _17\. Come back as a ghost and haunt Rube to annoy him. TO BE COMPLETED._  
 _18\. Build a den - DONE!_  
 _19\. Be a grown up. (Even if I get to the age of 110 I'll never grow up!)_  
 _20\. Make my mum proud - DONE!_  
 _21\. Sneak out of hospital to have fun – DONE!_  
 _22\. Get Cal a new girlfriend - DONE!_  
 _23\. Break a bone – DONE!_  
 _24\. Sit out in the rain without needing my big jumper, hat, scarf and coat - DONE!_  
 _25\. Make a video every day until I die - DONE!_  
 _26\. Show people that you shouldn't be scared of cancer (even though it can be really really scary sometimes) - DONE!_  
 _27\. Get a pet snake - DONE!_  
 _28\. Spend more time with dad – DONE!_  
 _29\. Tell everyone I love them - DONE!_  
 _30\. Give loads of hugs! – DONE!_  
 _31\. Smile more - DONE!_  
 _32\. Not cry as much - DONE!_  
 _33\. Get a girlfriend - DONE!_  
 _34\. Not be forgotten (make an impact) - DONE (hopefully)_  
 _35\. Stay up all night watching movies - DONE!_  
 _36\. Make Rube feel important - DONE!_  
 _37\. HAVE THE BEST LIFE EVER! - DONE!_  
 _38\. Go back to school - DONE!_  
 _39\. Be a best man and Vicky and Danny's wedding - DONE!_  
 _40\. Get Ethan and Honey back together - DONE!"_


	37. Chapter 37

**Hello everyone! I had a lot of you wondering why I didn't mark Home for the holidays off as complete and well, I guess you know now...You didn't think I'd leave you all without letting you say goodbye to Lockie did you? Here is the** ** _actual_** **final chapter to Home for the holidays. I really hope you enjoy. Thanks to those who have read and left reviews one this story and on every other story I've published, it really does mean a lot. Goodbye for now, Kayxxx :)**

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Home for the holidays - Lockie's deathbed.

Today was a day everyone knew would come one day but, they would never come to terms with that. Today was the day that a thirteen year old boy would be ripped from this world despite the fight he tried to put up; the fight he was now losing...the fight that he today would lose. A fight he would lose to cancer. Surrounded by his family he lay propped up by a cushion in a hospital bed attached to all sorts of machines by an uncountable amount of leads and wires, he was used to that by now. He looked down at his pale thin hands - that _obviously_ had needles sticking into them – and thought about everything. It's pretty impossible to think about absolutely _everything_ but when you're laying on your deathbed it comes to you as naturally as breathing he'd discovered. His mind had never been so full of thoughts and memories, little things he didn't think twice about at the time but now meant the world to him; he could feel his heart physically warm as they traced his mind.

"Do you want some more water buddy?" Cal's soft voice called snapping him back into the room.

He slowly looked to his left to find his older brother watching him with sadness in his eyes, "no thanks" Lockie replied.

Cal let out a shaky breath and gave him a nod in reply as he looked down.

He looked around him at the people surrounding him on his right were, Cal, his mum and his dad, on his left Danny and Vicky. His mother held Cal's hand tightly. Everyone sat in silence; it was like they were all waiting for something...it wasn't hard to guess what it was they were waiting for. No one could seem to find any words to say, no words felt right to say. He was getting sick of being fussed over 'do you want some water Lockie?' 'Are you comfortable Lockie?' 'Are you in any pain Lockie?' these seemed to be the only words he'd heard all day and quite frankly he was getting sick to death of hearing them. No pun intended. This isn't how Lockie wanted this to happen, firstly, not everyone was here, secondly the silence, Lockie never did like silence, he was always the one to fill it with his loud voice though he just didn't have the energy today, and thirdly, no one was happy. He knew this would be a tricky thing to want on his death bed however, he was always happy, no matter what, so why couldn't everyone just act happy just for today? He let out a deep sigh and rested his head back against the pillow hoping something would lift the spirit soon or else he hoped the grim reaper wouldn't be too far...

As if on cue the door to his side room burst open and in hurried his big brother Ruben who rushed straight to his side.

"Rube!" Lockie's face lit up instantly, "you made it!" He added as he threw his arms around him. His brother had travelled all the way to Australia just to say goodbye to him and it meant the world.

"Of course I did buddy, have I ever broken a promise to you?" Rube replied as he took a seat next to Vicky, he looked around at the smiles on everyone's face's Rube always was the one to instantly lift the mood of any situation. "There was a moment when I thought we wouldn't make it though when we were stuck on that highway, its times like that I wish I was in the ambo so I can just sound the sirens and everyone budges" He added with a smirk.

"'We'?" Lockie asked, "Did you bring Robyn?" He added.

Rube suddenly found the floor interesting, "No, she couldn't get the time off work I'm so sorry matey, she really wanted to be here though she sends you her love" he explained awkwardly as he took hold of his little brother's hand.

"Who did you mean by 'we'?" Lockie asked confused.

Just as Rube opened his mouth to talk the door opened once more and in walked Ethan.

"Nibbles!" Lockie nearly leaped from his bed with excitement.

"Hey" Ethan shared a smile with Cal and then looked at Lockie. Ethan's smile quickly dropped seeing Lockie looking so poorly, so thin, pale, so...close to death reality hit home quickly and he burst into tears, "oh Lockie..." Ethan sighed as tears poured from his eyes.

"Hey Nibbles don't cry! Hasn't Rube told you the rules?" Lockie asked.

"No, I don't believe he has" Ethan smiled as he composed himself, only Lockie would set rules on his death bed.

"No one is allowed to cry, not until I'm dead anyway" Lockie replied bluntly but this just caused the emotions to well up inside of him once more.

"I'm sorry" he whispered as he wiped away his tears that kept flowing, "I'll be back" he promised and hurried out to compose himself once more.

"He's always been the soppy one" Lockie rolled his eyes causing everyone to chuckle sadly.

"He got a bit travel sick on the 24 hour flight, it sort of took it out of him" Rube teased.

"You're looking great Ruben" Myra smiled.

"Thanks mum" Rube replied sadly.

"I can't believe you actually asked Robyn to marry you" Lockie stated.

"I know, I surprised everyone with that, even myself" Rube smirked.

"Well, as long as she's the one" Lockie replied protectively.

"Oh, she's the one alright" Rube smiled wondrously as he thought of her.

"...I'm sorry I won't be at your wedding Rube" Lockie spoke sincerely.

"Don't" Rube stopped him, "let's not talk about that" he forced out a smile.

"Why not? It's what's going to happen, it's why you're here Rube, it's why everyone is here...I'm going to die today Rube" Lockie told him easily.

"Lockie..." Rube sighed as he took hold of his hand; a tear quickly escaped his eye and rolled down his cheek.

"Hey did you not hear what I just told Nibbles? No crying!" Lockie teased.

"Sorry" Rube replied as he wiped his tears away.

Ethan made his way back in sheepishly and took a seat beside Cal.

"Are you in any pain Lockie?" Cal asked as he fluffed his pillow, he didn't mind hearing that question this time as he'd realised how everyone was feeling; scared.

"No" Lockie smiled, "are you scared?" He asked Cal.

"Scared?" Cal asked.

"Yeah" Lockie replied.

"I have to admit I am" Cal admitted.

"Rube?" He asked.

"Hell yeah" he swallowed hard.

"Ethan?" Lockie asked.

"Petrified" Ethan spat out easily.

"I'm not" Lockie smiled, "I think it's my time, I think I'm ready to go" he told everyone.  
"I love you all so much, I can't even explain it. If it weren't for you then life wouldn't have even been worth living this far" he told them all sincerely, testing their ability to hold back their tears.

"Cal you gave me an extra three years on my life and I am so so grateful for that thank you" Lockie told him.

"I wish I could've given you more" Cal whimpered as he took hold of his hand.

"You have to stay strong, all of you, because if you cry...then, then I'll cry and I don't want to cry, I don't want to be sad on my last day, I want to be happy, with everyone I love with me all together and I want to be happy, with them" Lockie stated breathlessly.

"Hey let's put this back on shall we?" Cal put the oxygen mask on his face but he pushed it away.

"No..." He mumbled.

Cal and Ethan look at him warily.

"Here Lockie, lift up" Rube told him as he pulled off his crucifix from around his neck and placed it around Lockie's instead.

Lockie looked down at it and took it in his hands as he thought back through all his memories again. This necklace had been around his older brother's neck for as long as he could remember. He suddenly burst out laughing causing everyone to look at him confused.

"Care to share the joke?" Vicky chuckled.

"I'm just thinking about how much of an idiot Rube used to be" Lockie laughed causing everyone else to laugh too.

"Oh thanks" Rube replied sarcastically.

"You were a bit of an idiot though Rube let's be honest" Ethan teased.

"What's brought this on?" Rube joked defensively.

"Nothing you're just an idiot, remember you used to come home with a new injury every night because you'd had a fight with someone over something stupid" Lockie laughed.

Rube rolled his eyes.

"Do you remember how much you two used to hate each other?" Jimmy laughed gesturing to Cal and Rube who laughed along.

"Do you remember how much he hated me?" Ethan spat out.

"I wasn't a very friendly person okay" Rube replied in his defence but he couldn't help but laugh.

"Do you remember when we went to the UK for the first time and Rube became best mates with the old woman from the hospital chapel?" Lockie laughed hysterically as did everyone else.

"Hey Margret was a cool gal" Rube laughed, "I still see her in work, she loves me" he added causing everyone to laugh hysterically.

"Do you remember that receptionist that fancied you Nibbles?" Lockie chuckled; Cal nearly fell off his chair with laughter.

"Ah Jack left that year actually, I'm not going to lie I do miss the attention" Ethan joked.

Lockie paused to take some breaths from his oxygen mask as everyone continued to laugh.

"Do you remember that time we all got auctioned off on dates for charity?" Rube announced looking to Cal and Ethan.

"No that wasn't even funny I was sure my life would end that night I had a group of 30 drunken girls fighting to straddle me" Cal shuddered as he thought back.

"Wasn't that a normal night for you at the time?" Ethan joked.

"The things we did for you kiddo" Cal laughed as he looked at Lockie.

"Do you remember the armless snowman we made outside the ED?" Ethan asked as he thought back.

"That thing was petrifying" Cal replied as he wiped away his tears of laughter.

All this laughing was taking its toll on Lockie's aching body. He rested his head back against the pillow and closed his eyes as he listened to the sounds of his family breaking off to their own conversations as they reminisced and laughed hysterically. It was like a breath of fresh air seeing them filled with so much energy; energy that he didn't have. He thought about how they are all going to live their lives to the full and how that excited him. _This_ was how he'd imagined his final day being.

The laughter slowly died down as everyone looked towards Lockie fearing the worst. Ethan looked up at his monitor to find he was still with them, thankfully.

Rube took hold of his hand and Lockie slowly opened his eyes and looked up at him, "Rube, will you tell me a story like you used to?" he whispered, he suddenly looked tired; his eyes were heavy.

"Um..." Rube looked around at everyone awkwardly, his mum and dad gave him a nod, "yeah sure" Rube replied as he fiddled in chair, "well..." he cleared his throat and began, "there was this boy called Lachlan...he was born to change everyone's lives around, for the better of course. I still remember the day he was born, and mum and brought him home from the hospital, I don't know what it was but I just instantly knew I wanted to protect him but as he got older I knew he didn't need much protecting; he was brave and strong enough, he was much braver and stronger than any I'd ever met, especially me...if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be where I am today, I wouldn't be happy and I wouldn't know the words to Peter Pan off by heart" A smile graced Lockie face as he listened to Rube's story "I was hard to think of a moment when Lachlan didn't have a smile on his face, he was loved by so many people and he made everyone's days brighter and he was never _ever_ selfish..." Rube trailed off as he looked at his little brother with fear in his eyes, "Lockie?" He whimpered.

"I'm listening" Lockie replied though he kept his eyes closed; everyone let out a sigh of relief.

Rube took a deep breath and squeezed Lockie's hand tight as he continued his story, "He made us all stronger and better people, he's brought us together and taught us what life is for, and we will always remember him, we will always tell this story of him and most of all we will love him, with all our hearts for the rest of our lives because Lachlan Wolfe he was an absolute blessing I'm privileged to say I have known him and I couldn't think of anyone better in this world to call my best friend..." Rube's voice trailed off once more as Lockie's head bobbed down and everyone's attention was brought the machine he was hooked up to. The beep of his heart rate was getting slower and slower by each breath Lockie took. Rube shook his head and bit his lip to try and keep his promise to his little brother that he wouldn't cry. He leaned forward and gently rested his head against his little brother's chest as he listened to the sound of his heart beating. He listened to each beat slow within seconds before it started to fade, he heard one final distant beat before the machine let out a chorus of beeps warning everyone that Lockie's heart had stopped beating. Cal placed to fingers on his neck to check his pulse, he couldn't bring himself to speak he just broke down, as did everyone else. Jimmy hugged Myra, Danny hugged Vicky, Rube stayed resting against his brother's body as he sobbed, Cal stormed out and Ethan followed. Lockie was gone.

An hour had past, Ethan made his way quietly back into the room where Lockie lay and where his older brother Rube rested on his chest, fast asleep. It physically ached his heart to see Lockie looking so lifeless, the bluish tinge around his nose and mouth from the lack of oxygen in his body made it worse. He had come in to wake Rube but a part of him didn't want to; he was peaceful, he was with his brother, he wasn't awake and on the verge of breaking down like everyone else, he didn't want Rube to go back to how he was three years ago he'd gotten through his depression so well...

"Rube" Ethan whispered as he gave him a nudge.

Rube opened his eyes and looked at him confused before reality shattered over him, he looked up at Lockie and broke down, he placed his head in his hands and sobbed.

"The doctors want to move him now" Ethan told him carefully, he was asked to place the blanket over Lockie's face but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

"You know if cancer was a person I'd fucking kill it" Rube spat out angrily as he stood up.

"I think a lot of people would" Ethan replied easily.

"No no, I'd get there first, and I wouldn't just kill it...I'd make it suffer, slowly, I'd torture it, just like it tortures everyone it riddles itself in" Rube stated as if he were actually planning it out.

"Well that's just selfish, I'd want a go at it too so would millions of other people" Ethan stated.

"You could never kill someone Ethan you're too much of a good person" Rube sighed as he wiped his tears away.

For some reason this angered Ethan, "I could happily kill cancer, I'd kill it for taking my mum from me, and my grandma and grandpa from me, I'd kill it for taking Lockie, I'd kill it for taking every patient I've ever come across who suffered from it, I'd kill it for effecting so many people who could amount to such amazingly beautiful things in this world yet aren't given a chance to because cancer has to creep it's way in and spoil that for them, spoil the only small pathetic amount of time we get on this planet...I'd kill it for taking away the lives of kids like Lockie, he got to live thirteen years of his life on this planet and the majority of them were spent fighting cancer. That's not what life is for, life isn't for fighting, life is for living, yes Lockie lived his thirteen years exactly how he wanted and so I'm happy for that but it makes me sick to my core the fact he'll never grow up and amount to even better things, Lachlan Wolfe was one of the best people this world has ever created and yet cancer took that away...So yes Rube, I may seem calm and collected, I may treat people with the love and respect I think they deserve, I may have never been in a fight in my life, you think because I'm a good person I wouldn't kill cancer? Well, cancer kills millions of good people everyday so yes if I came face to face with cancer I would kill it, there and then without any hesitation, because cancer is the worst thing in the world Rube and I-" He cut himself off by bursting into tears yet again.

"It's okay Nibbles" Rube spoke softly as he hugged him, Ethan crumbled into him as he continued to cry, "We're going to be okay, we have to be for Lockie" Rube told him as he looked over Ethan's shoulder at his lifeless little brother, he then looked up at the ceiling to stop his tears from falling.

Rube slowly made his way over to Lockie "I love you so much buddy, I'm going to make you proud okay? I promise" He whispered and pressed his lips against his forehead head, "I'm going to live my life for you".


End file.
